Emotional intelligence, often called EQ, is all about understanding and managing our own emotions, as well as recognising and empathising with other people’s.
It’s a crucial skill for building strong relationships, resolving conflicts, and navigating social situations. However, not everyone is naturally gifted with high EQ. Some people struggle to connect with people on an emotional level, and they sometimes say things that can hurt, offend, or create distance. Here are some common phrases people with low emotional intelligence often use without understanding their impact.
1. “You’re being too sensitive.”
This phrase dismisses someone’s feelings and invalidates their emotional experience. It implies that their reaction is exaggerated or unwarranted, making them feel unheard and misunderstood. A more empathetic response would acknowledge their feelings and try to understand their perspective.
2. “It’s not a big deal.”
Source: Unsplash This phrase minimises the significance of someone’s concerns or problems. It can make them feel like their worries are insignificant or unimportant, leading to feelings of frustration and isolation. A more supportive response would validate their concerns and offer help or reassurance.
3. “Why are you always so emotional?”
Source: Unsplash This phrase implies that expressing emotions is a sign of weakness or instability. It can make people feel ashamed of their feelings and hesitant to express them in the future. A more understanding response would acknowledge that everyone experiences emotions and that it’s okay to feel things deeply.
4. “Calm down.”
Source: Unsplash Telling someone to “calm down” when they’re upset rarely works. It can actually escalate the situation, making them feel like their emotions are not being taken seriously. A more helpful approach would be to listen to their concerns, offer support, and help them find ways to manage their emotions.
5. “I don’t care.”
Source: Unsplash This phrase expresses a lack of empathy and concern for other people. It can make people feel unimportant and unvalued, damaging relationships and creating distance. A more compassionate response would show interest in their thoughts and feelings, even if you don’t agree with them.
6. “You’re overreacting.”
Source: Unsplash This phrase is similar to “you’re being too sensitive,” and it has the same negative effect. It dismisses someone’s emotions and makes them feel invalidated. A more understanding response would acknowledge their feelings and try to see things from their perspective.
7. “That’s your problem, not mine.”
Source: Unsplash This phrase expresses a lack of willingness to help or support people. It can make people feel abandoned and alone, especially when they’re struggling with a difficult situation. A more supportive response would offer assistance or a listening ear, even if you can’t solve the problem for them.
8. “You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”
Source: Unsplash This phrase belittles someone’s concerns and makes them feel like their feelings are not valid. It can lead to feelings of frustration, anger, and resentment. A more empathetic response would validate their concerns and try to understand why they’re feeling the way they are.
9. “You shouldn’t feel that way.”
This phrase attempts to dictate how someone else should feel, which is not only impossible but also dismissive of their emotional experience. It can make them feel invalidated and misunderstood, leading to frustration and resentment. A more empathetic approach would be to acknowledge their feelings and offer support without judgment.
10. “I told you so.”
Source: Unsplash This phrase is often used to gloat or assert superiority when someone makes a mistake or faces a negative consequence. It can be incredibly hurtful and condescending, as it rubs salt in the wound and offers no support or constructive feedback. A more empathetic response would offer help or reassurance, rather than focusing on being right.
11. “It’s not my fault.”
This phrase deflects responsibility and avoids accountability for one’s actions or words. It can be frustrating for those affected by the situation and can erode trust in the relationship. A more mature response would acknowledge one’s role in the situation and offer an apology or explanation.
12. “You always/never…”
Using “always” or “never” in arguments is a form of exaggeration that can escalate conflict and make the other person feel attacked. These absolute statements rarely reflect reality and can shut down communication. A more constructive approach would be to focus on specific behaviours or situations without resorting to generalisations.
13. “You just don’t understand.”
This phrase shuts down communication and implies that the other person is incapable of understanding your perspective. It can create a sense of frustration and distance in the relationship. A more productive approach would be to explain your perspective clearly and try to bridge the gap in understanding.
14. “Whatever.”
Source: Unsplash This dismissive phrase can signal a lack of interest or respect for the other person’s thoughts and feelings. It can be hurtful and frustrating, as it implies that their words are not worth your time or attention. A more respectful response would acknowledge their statement, even if you disagree with it.
15. “Just get over it.”
This phrase minimises the significance of someone’s emotional struggles and suggests that they should simply move on without processing their feelings. It can be incredibly invalidating and dismissive, as it ignores the complexity of emotional healing. A more supportive response would offer understanding and encouragement to work through their emotions at their own pace.
16. “I’m not in the mood to talk about this.”
While it’s perfectly fine to not always be in the mood to discuss certain topics, this phrase can be hurtful when used repeatedly or in response to important conversations. It can make the other person feel like their concerns are not a priority, leading to resentment and disconnection. A more considerate response would be to acknowledge their request for conversation and suggest a later time to discuss it when you’re in a better headspace.
17. “You’re so dramatic.”
This phrase belittles someone’s emotions and implies that their reactions are exaggerated or unwarranted. It can make them feel like their feelings are not valid, leading to feelings of shame and self-doubt. A more empathetic response would acknowledge their emotions and validate their experience, even if you don’t agree with their reaction.
18. “You’re wrong.”
Source: Unsplash While disagreements are a natural part of communication, bluntly stating that someone is wrong can be dismissive and disrespectful. It can shut down dialogue and create an adversarial atmosphere. A more constructive approach would be to acknowledge their perspective and present your own viewpoint in a respectful manner, focusing on the issue at hand rather than attacking the person.
