Narcissists live by a different set of rules than the rest of us. Their hypocrisy is maddening – they demand what they refuse to give, judge what they themselves do, and condemn in other people what they excuse in themselves. If you’re stuck in this twisted dynamic, here’s how to spot their infuriating double standards.
1. They can dish it out, but they can’t take it.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists love to criticize people. Their put-downs, subtle digs, and harsh judgments can leave their victims feeling demoralized and insecure. However, turn that criticism back at them, and all h-e-double hockey sticks breaks loose. Even the slightest constructive comment becomes a major offence, triggering rage, defensiveness, or complete withdrawal, Verywell Mind warns.
2. They expect constant praise, but rarely give it to other people.
Source: Unsplash A narcissist craves validation. They bask in compliments and are often fishing for admiration. What’s worse is that they actually get upset when they feel their ego hasn’t been sufficiently stroked. However, they rarely reciprocate this courtesy to anyone else. Genuine appreciation, recognition of achievements, or even a simple “thank you” is often foreign to them.
3. Rules apply to you, not to them.
Source: Unsplash Whether it’s skipping out on plans, being chronically late, or disregarding social norms, a narcissist plays by their own rules. They may demand punctuality from you, but keep you waiting for hours on end. They bend the truth to suit their needs while expecting unwavering honesty and transparency from other people. Hypocrisy? They’ve never heard of it.
4. They interrupt and talk over you, but get angry when you do the same.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists thrive on dominating conversations. They’ll interrupt you mid-sentence, talk at length about their own interests without pause, and cut you off with “more important” things to say. However, if you ever dare to try the same tactics with them, prepare for outbursts with accusations of rudeness or disrespect.
5. They expect forgiveness immediately, but hold grudges forever.
Source: Unsplash If you’ve hurt a narcissist’s fragile ego, even with an unintentional slight, expect major drama, guilt-tripping, or the silent treatment. However, when they hurt you, their apologies are often insincere and they expect instant forgiveness. Bringing up their past transgressions is deemed an unforgivable sin, while your missteps can be held over your head indefinitely.
6. They demand your time and attention, but theirs is precious.
Source: Unsplash A narcissist expects you to be available at their beck and call. They might text you incessantly, demand immediate responses to even trivial matters, and get annoyed if you’re busy. However, they guard their own time fiercely. Trying to contact them might feel like navigating an obstacle course and getting them to commit to plans with you can seem impossible.
7. Your problems are a burden, but theirs are life-shattering.
Source: Unsplash A narcissist might feign interest in your problems if it provides them with an opportunity to one-up you with their own dramatic woes. But generally, your struggles are minimized, met with dismissive advice, or even used as an opportunity to redirect the conversation back to themselves. When they experience a minor inconvenience, however, the entire world must stop and take notice.
8. They love to gossip, but hate being the subject of it.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists relish dishing out juicy tidbits about other people. They spread rumors, dissect people’s flaws, and sow discord for their own entertainment. However, if the tables are turned and they become the topic of conversation, their reaction is swift and furious. Even a slight whisper behind their backs can lead to accusations of betrayal or fuel their paranoia.
9. They claim to hate drama, but constantly create it.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists often proclaim their aversion to chaos and conflict. However, they’re masters of playing people against each other, stirring up petty arguments, and instigating tension just for the thrill of it. When things inevitably blow up, they play the victim, blaming everyone else for the drama they secretly ignited.
10. They demand empathy, but rarely offer it themselves.
Source: Unsplash If a narcissist is having a bad day, expect the whole world to revolve around their feelings. You’re expected to listen patiently, offer unconditional support, and prioritize their emotional well-being… no matter what you’re going through. Yet, they rarely extend the same courtesy to you. Your emotional needs are often met with indifference, brushed aside, or treated as an annoyance.
11. They break promises all the time, but accuse you of being unreliable.
Source: Unsplash A narcissist cancels plans last minute, forgets important dates, and changes their mind at the drop of a hat. Their own schedule is fluid, guided by whatever suits their needs in the moment. However, expect swift condemnation if you ever do the same. Even minor slip-ups on your part will be used as “proof” that you’re untrustworthy or disrespectful of their time.
12. They expect absolute loyalty, but their loyalty is situational.
Source: Unsplash In a narcissist’s world, your support for them should be unconditional. You must always be on their side, defending their actions, and prioritizing their needs above your own. However, their loyalty to you is contingent on what you offer them. When you’re no longer useful, or when a more appealing option comes along, they’ll abandon you without a second thought.
13. Your privacy is nonexistent, but theirs is sacred.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists believe they have the right to know everything about you. They pry into your personal life, demand access to your phone and social media, and might even pressure you into revealing secrets you’d rather keep to yourself. However, they fiercely guard their own privacy, becoming cagey when asked even basic questions, and turning it into an interrogation if you dare inquire too deeply into their world.
14. Your mistakes are etched in stone, but theirs are immediately forgotten.
Source: Unsplash If you cross a narcissist in even a small way, prepare for it to be brought up repeatedly. They’ll use your past transgressions as a weapon to control guilt-trip you, even years later. Yet, their own wrongdoings are conveniently swept under the rug. If you try to hold them accountable, they’ll gaslight you, minimize their actions, or simply become enraged that you dare to question them.
