There are some arguments that can tear even the strongest bonds apart.
Obviously, this isn’t the occasional disagreement or lovers’ tiff — that happens even to the best of couples. I’m talking about the knock-down, drag-out fights that leave both people feeling hurt, angry, and questioning whether the relationship is even worth saving. If you want to avoid these relationship-killing arguments, you need to know what they are and how to spot them before they spiral out of control.
1. The “I’m always right” argument
Source: Unsplash This is the argument where one partner refuses to admit they could ever be wrong, no matter how much evidence is stacked against them. They’ll twist logic, deny facts, and gaslight their partner into questioning their own sanity before they’ll ever concede a point. This kind of stubborn, ego-driven behaviour is guaranteed to destroy trust and respect in a relationship. If you can’t admit when you’re wrong, you’re not ready for a mature partnership.
2. The “you never” or “you always” argument
Source: Unsplash This is the argument where one partner makes sweeping generalisations about the other’s behaviour, using words like “never” or “always” to paint them in the worst possible light. “You never listen to me!” “You always put your friends before me!” The problem with these statements is that they’re rarely true — they’re exaggerations born out of frustration and hurt feelings. If you find yourself using these words in an argument, stop and ask yourself if you’re being fair or if you’re just trying to score points.
3. The “bring up the past” argument
This is the argument where one partner dredges up past grievances and uses them as ammunition in a current fight. It’s a low blow that does nothing to solve the present issue and only serves to reopen old wounds. If you’ve already forgiven your partner for something, don’t throw it back in their face every time you’re angry. And if you haven’t forgiven them, then you need to have a separate conversation about that — not use it as a weapon in a new argument.
4. The “compare to other couples” argument
This is the argument where one partner compares their relationship to other couples they know, either to make themselves feel better or to make their partner feel worse. “Why can’t we be more like Tom and Sarah? They never fight like this!” The problem with this kind of comparison is that it’s rarely accurate — you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors in someone else’s relationship. And even if you did, every couple is different and has their own unique challenges. Focus on your own partnership, not anyone else’s.
5. The “silent treatment” argument
This is the argument where one partner shuts down and refuses to communicate, leaving the other feeling isolated and ignored. It’s a form of emotional manipulation that can be just as damaging as yelling or name-calling. If you need some time to cool off and collect your thoughts, that’s fine — but give your partner a heads-up and a timeline. Don’t just disappear and leave them wondering what they did wrong.
6. The “blame game” argument
This is the argument where one partner tries to shift all the blame onto the other, refusing to take any responsibility for their own actions or feelings. “If you hadn’t done X, I wouldn’t have had to do Y!” The problem with this kind of thinking is that it’s rarely that simple. Most relationship issues are a two-way street, with both partners contributing to the problem in some way. If you want to resolve an argument, you need to be willing to own your part in it.
7. The “kitchen sink” argument
This is the argument where one partner brings up every single issue they have with the other, all at once, in a kind of verbal dump. It’s overwhelming, unfocused, and unproductive. If you have multiple grievances with your partner, it’s better to address them one at a time, in a calm and rational manner. Throwing everything at them at once will only make them feel attacked and defensive.
8. The “character assassination” argument
This is the argument where one partner attacks the other’s character, rather than addressing the specific issue at hand. “You’re so selfish!” “You’re such a liar!” These kinds of personal attacks are hurtful and unproductive. They also make it harder to resolve the actual problem because now you’re dealing with wounded egos and bruised feelings on top of everything else. Stick to “I” statements and focus on the behaviour, not the person.
9. The “threaten to leave” argument
This is the argument where one partner threatens to end the relationship as a way to gain the upper hand or force the other to give in. It’s a manipulative tactic that makes it impossible to trust and makes the other partner feel like they’re walking on eggshells. If you’re at the point where you’re seriously considering ending things, that’s a conversation you need to have in a calm, rational way — not as a threat in the heat of an argument.
10. The “public humiliation” argument
This is the argument that happens in front of other people, whether it’s friends, family, or complete strangers. It’s a form of emotional abuse that’s designed to shame and embarrass the other partner into submission. If you have a problem with your partner, wait until you’re in private to address it. Dragging other people into your personal issues is going to damage your relationship and your reputation.
11. The “belittle and dismiss” argument
This is the argument where one partner belittles or dismisses the other’s feelings, opinions, or experiences. “You’re overreacting.” “That’s not a big deal.” “I don’t see what the problem is.” This kind of invalidation is a form of gaslighting that can make the other partner feel like they’re going crazy. If your partner is upset about something, even if you don’t understand why, it’s important to listen and validate their feelings.
12. The “stonewall” argument
This is the argument where one partner completely shuts down and refuses to engage, either by walking away, tuning out, or changing the subject. It’s a way to avoid dealing with the issue at hand, but it only makes things worse in the long run. If you need a break from the conversation, say so — but don’t just check out and leave your partner hanging.
13. The “getting back at each other” argument
This is the argument where one partner tries to “even the score” by bringing up their own grievances or pointing out the other’s flaws. “Oh, you think I’m messy? Well, what about your shopping addiction?” This kind of retaliatory behaviour doesn’t solve anything — it just escalates the conflict and makes both partners feel attacked. If you have an issue with your partner, address it directly and leave the scorecard out of it.
14. The “I give up” argument
This is the argument where one partner throws in the towel and declares the relationship hopeless. “What’s the point? We’re never going to agree on this.” “I can’t do this any more.” While it’s important to recognise when a relationship has run its course, this kind of defeatist attitude can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you’re not willing to put in the work to resolve conflicts and build a stronger partnership, then you’re right — there may not be much point in continuing. But if you still believe in the relationship, don’t give up at the first sign of trouble. Work together to find a way forward, even if it’s not easy.
