Narcissists thrive on maintaining the upper hand and manipulating their victims to do exactly what they want. As long as things are going their way, they’re good. However, when they can no longer control you, they’re likely to lash out in some pretty major ways. Beware of these behaviours — they can be obnoxious at best and downright traumatic at worst.
1. They try to destroy your reputation.
When they can’t control you directly, narcissists go after your reputation. Expect a wave of trash-talk aimed at your friends, family, work colleagues, or even the bartender at your local spot. They’ll twist the truth, paint you as unstable or manipulative, and do their best to isolate you. The good thing is that this lets you see who your real friends are — they know better than to believe this rubbish, and they’ll be there to support you 100%.
2. They go radio silent, thinking it’ll get to you.
One minute they’re all over you, the next it’s like you’ve vanished from the face of the earth. They don’t text or call, and if you run into each other in public, they act like you’re invisible. Real mature! It’s their twisted way of punishing you for daring to call out their BS and for having a backbone. What they don’t realize is that lack of contact from them isn’t torture, it’s heaven.
3. They offer fake promises and apologies to pull you back in.
Just when you think you’re free, they’ll come crawling back with a truckload of apologies, promises to change, maybe even a few lavish gifts. This is called hoovering, Healthline explains, and it’s just another form of manipulation narcissists rely on to stay in control. They haven’t changed in the slightest — they’re just telling you what they think you want to hear to get you back under their thumb.
4. They use other people to make you feel jealous and insecure.
You get rid of them and suddenly, their ex is back in the picture, or they’re constantly talking about some new “friend.” They might even flirt with other people right in front of you. It’s all a game to make you feel threatened. They think that by acting out like this, you’ll suddenly realize you made an awful mistake and come crawling back. How wrong they are!
5. They gaslight you because they want you to feel crazy.
They’ll deny things they obviously said or did, twist your words, and make you wonder if you’re losing your mind. Gaslighting is emotional abuse, and narcissists use it to make you doubt yourself. If you’re unsure, you’re vulnerable, and they can swoop back in and take control again. Don’t even go there with them. Trust your gut — if it’s telling you something ain’t right, that’s probably because it’s not.
6. They project their own flaws and insecurities onto you.
Source: Unsplash Whatever they’re accusing you of – being selfish, manipulative, unfaithful – it’s most likely a mirror of their own behaviour. It’s a classic narcissist move: deflecting blame to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions is their favourite pastime. The good thing is that you don’t have to put up with it. Their issues are just that — theirs.
7. They play the martyr role extremely well.
Source: Unsplash Narcissists love to twist the narrative to make it seem like you’re the villain, the abuser, or the one who caused all the problems. They’ll guilt-trip you, make you feel responsible for their pain, and try to manipulate you into taking them back. Don’t fall for their crocodile tears; you’re not responsible for their happiness. They, however, are responsible for your misery.
8. They lash out when they feel cornered and powerless.
Source: Unsplash If their other tactics fail, don’t be surprised if they suddenly lash out in pure rage. It could be verbal abuse, threats, or even physical violence. Don’t stick around to find out — your safety is of utmost importance. Get out, get help, and don’t look back.
9. They try to sabotage your happiness and success.
Narcissists will do whatever they can to blow up your relationships, your career, and your happiness – anything to bring you down to their level of misery. They might spread rumours, sabotage your work, or even try to turn your friends against you. Don’t let them win; keep your head high, focus on your goals, and surround yourself with supportive people.
10. They try to “love bomb” you again.
When a narcissist realizes that the jig is truly up for them, they might pull out all the stops as a last-ditch effort to reel you back in. Expect a sudden avalanche of compliments, gifts, promises of undying love, and even declarations of how they’ve changed. It’s tempting, especially if you’re still hurting, but don’t be fooled. This isn’t real love or anything close to it.
11. They throw themselves a pity party to make you feel guilty for moving on.
Get ready for the waterworks and the Oscar-worthy performance — make sure you have the world’s tiniest violin ready to play! They’ll tell you how much they miss you, how lost they are without you, how they can’t eat or sleep because of the pain you’ve caused them. It’s emotional blackmail at its finest, designed to make you feel guilty and responsible for their life. Nice try, bozo.
12. They hurl false accusations your way.
Source: Unsplash They’ll blame you for their mistakes, their failures, even their bad moods. They might even accuse you of cheating, lying, or sabotaging their life as a whole. This, of course, is pure deflection, a way to avoid taking responsibility for their own actions and to make you doubt yourself. You don’t have to put up with it — you’re out, so keep on moving.
13. They start stalking you to keep tabs on your behaviour.
Source: Unsplash Expect to see them popping up where you least expect them, “accidentally” running into you at the coffee shop, or bombarding you with messages on social media. They might even resort to following you or driving past your house. It’s not flattering, it’s creepy and controlling. Block them, ignore them, and do whatever you need to do to protect yourself, even if that means getting the police involved.
14. They make threats when they feel like they’re losing their grip.
Source: Unsplash If they can’t control you with charm or manipulation, they might start threatening you back into submission. They might say they’re going to hurt themselves, hurt you, or expose your secrets. It’s a desperate power play, and most of the time, it’s complete lies. If you truly think they might harm themselves or someone else, call the authorities and let them deal with it.
15. They try to financially manipulate you if they can.
Source: Unsplash If they had access to your finances, be prepared for some shady business. They might make hidden withdrawals, max out your credit cards, or even steal your identity. They could refuse to pay their share of bills, make you feel guilty for spending money on yourself, or try to control your income. Protect yourself by securing your accounts, changing your passwords, and talking to a lawyer if you think it might be necessary.
16. They try to flip the script by accusing you of being the narcissist.
Source: Unsplash This is a mind-boggling tactic, but it’s surprisingly common. They’ll accuse you of being selfish, manipulative, and even narcissistic. It’s a way to make you doubt yourself, to gaslight you into thinking that maybe you’re the one with the problem. Don’t fall for their twisted logic; you know who you are, and you know they’re the ones with the toxic behaviour.
17. They try to isolate you from your friends and family.
As mentioned above when we discussed the narcissist’s smear campaign, they’ll sow seeds of doubt in your loved ones, criticize them, or even try to turn them against you. They want to cut you off from your support system, since that will make you more dependent on them and easier to control. Make sure you focus on keeping those relationships strong and healthy — don’t let the narcissist come between you.
18. They discard you suddenly when they realize there’s no winning for them.
If all else fails, they might decide to cut you out of their life entirely. It’ll be cold, heartless, and as cruel as they can possibly make it. They might ghost you, spread rumours, or even publicly humiliate you. As painful as it is, remember that their actions are a blessing in disguise. You’re free from their toxic influence, and you can finally move on to a healthier, happier life.
