Just because someone’s known you forever doesn’t mean they get a free pass to treat you badly.
Family and close friends are supposed to be your safe place, but when their behaviour crosses a line, it really destroys your sense of self-respect. You deserve to be treated with courtesy and care by everyone in your life, even the people you’re related to or have known for years. With that in mind, these are some of the most toxic behaviours that shouldn’t be brushed off, no matter how close the relationship is.
1. Guilt-tripping you for having boundaries
If someone makes you feel bad for saying no, taking space, or protecting your time, that’s not love—that’s emotional pressure. They might act hurt or offended just to get their way, and suddenly, your boundaries become “selfish” or “cold.” Boundaries don’t mean you don’t care. They just mean you’re choosing your peace over people-pleasing. Anyone who genuinely respects you won’t punish you for taking care of yourself.
2. Mocking your emotions
If you open up and someone rolls their eyes, changes the subject, or calls you “too sensitive,” that’s not someone who deserves access to your inner world. Minimising your feelings doesn’t make them go away. Instead, it just teaches you to bottle them up. Real connection allows room for messy, human emotions. If someone constantly makes you feel stupid or weak for feeling things deeply, you don’t owe them continued closeness.
3. Keeping score
Some people act like every favour, gesture, or nice moment comes with a hidden price tag. They remember everything they’ve ever done for you, and make sure to remind you, especially when they want something in return. That’s not generosity, it’s a power game. Healthy relationships aren’t transactional. If someone’s constantly holding your past over you, it’s a sign the dynamic isn’t as equal or kind as it should be.
4. Making fun of your achievements
When you share good news and someone instantly downplays it, turns it into a joke, or flips the conversation to themselves, it stings. Eventually, you stop wanting to share anything at all. Supportive people don’t compete with you. They cheer you on. If your wins always seem to make someone else uncomfortable, it’s not your fault—it’s their insecurity talking, and you don’t need to keep shrinking to protect it.
5. Shaming you for your past
If someone constantly brings up things you did years ago as a way to make you feel guilty or small, that’s emotional blackmail. You can’t change your past, but you can decide who gets access to your present. Growth should be celebrated, not used against you. If they keep dragging up old mistakes like you’re not allowed to move on, they’re more focused on holding you back than seeing you grow.
6. Using humour as a disguise for cruelty
It’s not funny if it hurts. Jokes that dig at your insecurities, point out your flaws, or mask insults with laughter aren’t harmless—they’re just disguised jabs. And if you say something, and they accuse you of “not being able to take a joke,” they’re dodging accountability. There’s a huge difference between playful teasing and targeted nastiness. If you constantly leave conversations feeling worse about yourself, it’s definitely not banter—it’s emotional erosion.
7. Acting like they’re always the victim
No matter what happens, it’s never their fault. You bring up an issue and suddenly, they’re the one who’s hurt. They twist every situation so that they’re the one who deserves sympathy, even if they’re the one who caused the harm. This makes it impossible to resolve anything. You’re stuck tiptoeing around their defensiveness while your own feelings get sidelined. It’s the opposite of empathy. It’s manipulation through self-pity.
8. Turning everything into a competition
If you mention a tough day, they had a harder one. If you talk about something exciting, they’ve already done it better. Conversations aren’t conversations—they’re contests. And after a while, it just gets exhausting. Friendship and family aren’t supposed to be a constant scoreboard. If you can’t share without feeling like you’re being one-upped, instead of being met with support, you’re being dragged into an ego game.
9. Using love as a weapon
Source: Unsplash “I love you, but…” followed by criticism, threats, or guilt trips is not love. It’s emotional control dressed up as affection. Real love doesn’t come with strings or ultimatums. If someone uses your relationship as leverage—“If you really cared, you’d do this”—that’s not closeness, it’s coercion. You’re allowed to expect love that doesn’t hurt or come with a catch.
10. Ignoring your boundaries completely
You’ve told them what you need, what you’re comfortable with, what you’re not okay with, and they do it anyway. Maybe they laugh it off, maybe they pretend they forgot, but either way, the message is clear: your boundaries don’t matter to them. Respect isn’t about agreeing with your boundaries—it’s about honouring them. If someone refuses to adjust, they’re showing you that your comfort isn’t a priority. That’s not someone you owe constant access to.
11. Expecting you to parent them emotionally
You’re not their therapist, their fixer, or their emotional dumping ground. But some people lean so heavily on you that you end up carrying the emotional load for both of you—and it leaves you burnt out and unseen. Support goes both ways. If you’re always the one soothing, explaining, or holding everything together, there’s a serious imbalance. You’re allowed to (and probably should) step back from it.
12. Punishing you with silence
Source: Unsplash When something goes wrong and instead of talking it through, or they go quiet on you, they’re trying to punish you. You’re left wondering what you did wrong, feeling tense, and walking on eggshells to make it better. Silence should never be used as a weapon. Real connection involves awkward conversations, not mind games. If someone repeatedly uses withdrawal to control the situation, it’s not okay, even if they’re family.
13. Making everything about them
They ask how you are, but the second you answer, the topic shifts to them. Every story, every problem, every moment somehow leads back to their life, their feelings, their drama. And if you ever need space, it turns into, “Why are you being distant with me?” It’s exhausting. Relationships should have space for both people. If you’re constantly made to feel like a side character in your own conversations, it’s time to question how equal the connection really is.
14. Pressuring you to forgive without change
They say sorry sometimes, but nothing ever changes. The same patterns play out again and again, and if you bring it up, you’re told to “move on” or “stop living in the past.” Forgiveness is a choice, not a demand. And without real change, apologies start to feel meaningless. You’re allowed to expect more than just words. If someone keeps asking for forgiveness but refuses to grow, they’re not owning the impact—they’re just trying to avoid consequences.
15. Making you feel like you’re “too much”
Too emotional. Too quiet. Too intense. Too honest. If you’ve ever walked away from someone close to you feeling like you’re hard to love just for existing as you are, that’s not love. Unfortunately, it’s judgement wearing a familiar face. You don’t need to shrink, filter, or constantly edit yourself to fit into someone else’s comfort zone. The right people make you feel accepted, not exhausting. And the people who make you feel like a burden aren’t the ones you need to keep around.
