We’ve all had the misfortune of interacting with insufferable, self-centred, tactless jerks who seem to take pleasure in making everyone around them miserable.
They’re the ones who always have to be right, who never miss an opportunity to put people down, and who think the world revolves around them. These are the people who leave you wondering, “Did they actually say that?” as you pick your jaw up off the floor. If you want to avoid being lumped in with these obnoxious twits, take note of these 18 things that only a true jerk would say.
1. “I’m just being honest.”
Ah, the classic jerk justification for spewing hurtful, unsolicited opinions. Here’s the thing: honesty without tact or empathy is just cruelty. There’s a difference between being direct and being an insensitive you-know-what. Before you open your mouth, ask yourself: is this true, necessary, and kind? If not, keep it to yourself. Honesty is important, but so is considering the impact of your words on the people around you. A true friend tells the truth with love and respect, not brutal bluntness.
2. “You’re too sensitive.”
Invalidating someone’s feelings is an easy way to be a grade-A jerk. When someone expresses hurt or offence at something you’ve said or done, dismissing their reaction as “too sensitive” is a cop-out. It’s a way of shirking responsibility for the impact of your words and actions. Instead of belittling someone’s emotional response, try putting yourself in their shoes and acknowledging their perspective. Apologise if necessary and commit to being more mindful in the future.
3. “I’m not racist/sexist/homophobic, but…”
Source: Unsplash If you have to preface your statement with a disclaimer about not being prejudiced, chances are, you’re about to say something prejudiced. Couching your biases in seemingly innocuous language doesn’t make them any less harmful or offensive. Instead of trying to justify or downplay your problematic views, take a hard look at where they come from and challenge yourself to grow. Educate yourself on the experiences of marginalised groups, and practise empathy and allyship.
4. “You should smile more.”
Source: Unsplash This one’s for the fellas — because let’s be real, it’s almost always men who say this to women. Telling someone to smile more may seem like a harmless suggestion, but it’s actually a subtle form of control and objectification. You’re implying that the other person’s facial expression exists solely for your pleasure and comfort. News flash: no one owes you a smile. If you want to brighten someone’s day, try giving a genuine compliment or asking about their well-being — not demanding a performance of cheerfulness.
5. “Well, actually…”
Source: Unsplash You know that man who always has to chime in with a correction or contradictory fact, even when no one asked? Don’t be that man. While it’s great to be knowledgeable and contribute to a conversation, there’s a difference between sharing information and showing off. If your “well, actually” is more about stroking your own ego than adding value to the discussion, keep it to yourself. No one likes a know-it-all who constantly undermines or one-ups people.
6. “I don’t mean to be rude, but…”
Source: Unsplash Spoiler alert: if you have to preface your comment with “I don’t mean to be rude,” you’re probably about to say something rude. This phrase is a textbook example of a jerk move — it’s a way of absolving yourself of responsibility for the hurtful words that follow. If you find yourself tempted to use this disclaimer, stop and rethink your approach. Is there a kinder, more tactful way to express your thoughts? If not, perhaps it’s best to keep them to yourself.
7. “You’re not like other girls/guys.”
Source: Unsplash This backhanded compliment may seem flattering on the surface, but it’s actually a huge red flag. When you tell someone they’re “not like other” members of their gender, you’re implying that there’s something wrong with being like other girls/guys. It’s a way of pitting people against their own gender and reinforcing harmful stereotypes. Instead of relying on tired tropes, try complimenting someone on their specific qualities and achievements — not their perceived unlikeness to their peers.
8. “No offence, but…”
Source: Unsplash Much like “I don’t mean to be rude,” prefacing a statement with “no offence” sends the obvious message that you’re about to say something offensive. It’s a cowardly attempt to dodge accountability for your words by feigning innocence. Here’s the thing: if you have to disclaim your comment as potentially offensive, it’s probably best left unsaid. Instead of relying on this flimsy preface, practise expressing yourself with a bit of tact and consideration for people’s feelings.
9. “I was just joking.”
Source: Unsplash Ah, the classic jerk defence when called out on an offensive or hurtful comment. Here’s the thing: just because you intended something as a joke doesn’t mean it landed that way. If someone expresses hurt or offence at your attempt at humour, dismissing their reaction with “I was just joking” is a way of dodging responsibility. A sincere apology and commitment to do better goes a lot further than a defensive justification.
10. “You’re overthinking it.”
Source: Unsplash Dismissing someone’s concerns or feelings as “overthinking” is a classic jerk move. It’s a way of invalidating their perspective and shutting down further discussion. Just because something doesn’t seem like a big deal to you doesn’t mean it’s not important or impactful to someone else. Instead of brushing off their thoughts as excessive, try listening with empathy and seeking to understand where they’re coming from. Validate their feelings, even if you don’t necessarily agree with their conclusions.
11. “Must be that time of the month.”
Source: Unsplash Gentlemen, repeat after me: never, ever attribute a woman’s emotions or opinions to her menstrual cycle. Not only is it incredibly sexist and dismissive, it’s also just plain inaccurate. Women are capable of experiencing a full range of emotions and expressing valid thoughts and concerns, regardless of their hormonal state. Reducing a woman’s perspective to a biological function is the height of jerk behaviour. Instead, try actually listening to and respecting what she has to say, period (pun intended).
12. “You’re being dramatic.”
Accusing someone of being dramatic when they express strong emotions is a terrible way to invalidate their feelings and escalate the situation. It’s also a way of implying that their reaction is overblown or unjustified, rather than a valid response to their experience. Instead of dismissing someone’s emotions as theatrics, try empathising with their perspective and acknowledging the intensity of their feelings. Offer support and understanding, rather than judgment and minimisation.
13. “Calm down.”
Telling someone to calm down when they’re upset or agitated is like throwing petrol on a fire — it’s only going to make things worse. It’s a way of dismissing and invalidating their emotions, rather than actually helping them regulate. If you want to support someone who’s struggling with intense feelings, try validating their experience and offering practical assistance. Ask what they need in the moment, rather than issuing commands. A little empathy goes a long way.
14. “You’re so much prettier when you wear makeup.”
Backhanded compliments about someone’s appearance are a hallmark of jerk behaviour. Telling someone they look better with makeup (or dressed a certain way, or at a certain weight) implies that their natural state is somehow lacking. It’s a way of enforcing narrow beauty standards and objectifying someone’s looks. Instead of offering unsolicited opinions on someone’s appearance, try complimenting their inner qualities — their kindness, intelligence, sense of humour, etc. Focus on who they are, not just how they look.
15. “You should just get over it.”
Telling someone to “just get over” a difficult experience or emotion is a classic example of toxic positivity. It’s a way of minimising their pain and implying that they’re somehow failing by not being able to instantly move on. Grief, trauma, and heartbreak are complex, individual processes that can’t be rushed or forced. Instead of pressuring someone to “get over it,” try offering your support and understanding. Acknowledge that healing takes time and let them know you’re there for them, without judgment or expectation.
16. “I don’t see colour.”
Claiming to be “colour-blind” when it comes to race may seem like a well-intentioned sentiment, but it’s actually a form of erasure and denial. It’s a way of ignoring the very real impacts of systemic racism and the lived experiences of people of colour. Instead of claiming not to see race, try actively educating yourself on issues of racial justice and being an ally to marginalised communities. Acknowledge and celebrate diversity, rather than pretending it doesn’t exist.
17. “Are you pregnant/did you gain weight?”
Commenting on someone’s body size or shape is never, ever appropriate — even if you suspect they may be pregnant. Not only is it incredibly rude and invasive, it’s also just plain none of your business. Pregnancy and weight gain can be sensitive, personal topics that people may not want to discuss openly. Instead of making assumptions or unsolicited comments about someone’s body, try keeping your observations to yourself. If they want to share, they will.
18. “You owe me.”
Implying that someone owes you something — whether it’s a favour, an explanation, or romantic attention — is a classic jerk power play. It’s a way of guilting and manipulating someone into doing what you want, rather than respecting their autonomy and boundaries. Healthy relationships aren’t based on a tally of debts and obligations — they’re built on mutual care, respect, and open communication. Instead of trying to cash in on perceived favours, try expressing your needs and desires directly, without strings attached.
