Some people just don’t seem to think before they speak, that much is clear.
They blurt out things that are insensitive, dismissive, or just downright rude — usually without even realising it. And while they might claim they’re “just being honest” or telling it like it is, what they’re really doing is showing a complete lack of emotional intelligence. If someone regularly says these kinds of things without a second thought, chances are they have no idea how their words actually affect people.
1. “You’re seriously overreacting here.”
There’s nothing more invalidating than being told your feelings are too much. People with low EQ love to dismiss emotions they don’t understand or don’t want to deal with. Instead of trying to see things from your perspective, they shut the conversation down. A more emotionally intelligent response would be, “I can see you’re upset — what’s bothering you?” If only they had the ability to reflect on their behaviour…
2. “That’s just how I am — deal with it.”
When someone refuses to take responsibility for their behaviour, it’s a red flag. This phrase is basically code for, “I know I’m difficult, but I have no interest in changing.” Emotionally intelligent people don’t hide behind excuses. They recognise when their actions are hurting others and make an effort to improve, rather than expecting everyone else to just deal with it. We all have flaws, but we should be owning and trying to correct them.
3. “I’m just being honest. Would you rather I lie to you?”
There’s a difference between honesty and being tactless. People with low emotional intelligence use this as a free pass to be rude, as if their opinion is more important than basic kindness. Honesty without consideration is just bluntness. Someone with emotional intelligence knows how to be truthful without being unnecessarily harsh or offensive. Acting as if the only other alternative is to lie is ridiculous, as well — tone and word choice are everything.
4. “I wouldn’t have done that if you hadn’t…”
This is the go-to phrase for people who refuse to take responsibility for their behaviour. They turn every issue into someone else’s fault, instead of owning up to their own behaviour. People with high EQ don’t make excuses. They acknowledge their mistakes and apologise without shifting the blame. After all, you can’t control other people’s behaviour, but you can control your own reactions. They don’t seem to get that.
5. “I really don’t get why you’re so upset.”
Instead of trying to understand, people with low emotional intelligence dismiss feelings they don’t relate to. They act like if they wouldn’t be upset, then no one else should be either. A better response would be, “I might not fully understand, but I want to hear why this matters to you.” Making even a small effort to hear someone out and understand where they’re coming from makes a huge difference. It’s way better than being invalidated and brushed off, that’s for sure.
6. “No offence, but…”
Everyone knows that whatever comes after this phrase is usually offensive. It’s a weak attempt to soften the blow of something hurtful, rather than just not saying it in the first place. Emotionally intelligent people don’t need to preface their words with “no offence” because they think before they speak. They know how to get their point across without being rude. They either word it differently or recognise that it doesn’t need to be said at all.
7. “Calm down, you’re acting crazy!”
If someone is already upset, telling them to calm down will do the opposite. It’s dismissive and often makes people feel like their emotions are being minimised or ignored. Even worse is when they call you “crazy” for having what’s likely a very valid and understandable human reaction to something they’ve said or done. Instead of demanding someone change their emotional state on command, an emotionally intelligent person would say, “I see how frustrated you are — do you want to talk about it?”
8. “You literally always do this…” or “You never really…”
Using extreme absolutes in an argument usually makes things worse. Insisting that someone does or doesn’t do something without fail every single time, especially when that’s very likely untrue, instantly puts the other person on the defensive and shuts down any productive conversation. People with high EQ know that no one is always or never anything. They focus on the specific issue rather than making sweeping generalisations.
9. “It’s not a big deal, for goodness’ sake!”
Just because something doesn’t seem like a big deal to you doesn’t mean it isn’t important to someone else. People with low emotional intelligence struggle to recognise that different things affect different people in different ways. Instead of dismissing someone’s feelings, an emotionally intelligent person would say, “I didn’t realise this was such a big deal for you. Tell me why it’s got you so upset.”
10. “I was just joking — can’t you take a joke?”
When someone says something hurtful and then hides behind claiming that it was just a bit of banter or lighthearted fun, what they really mean is, “I don’t want to be held accountable for what I just said.” Emotionally intelligent people can read the room. They understand the difference between lighthearted banter and making someone uncomfortable. If they say something that lands badly, they apologise instead of brushing it off.
11. “Why are you so sensitive all the time?”
Calling someone “sensitive” is a lazy way to avoid taking responsibility for how your words affect them. It flips the blame onto the person feeling hurt, rather than the one who caused it. A better approach would be, “I didn’t mean to upset you — can you help me understand what bothered you?” That shows emotional intelligence and a willingness to grow.
12. “Well, I’m sorry you feel that way.”
This isn’t an apology — it’s a way of making it sound like the problem is the other person’s feelings, rather than the speaker’s behaviour. It’s the classic non-apology that avoids taking any real responsibility. Genuine apologies sound more like, “I’m sorry for what I said — I see now how it hurt you.” Emotionally intelligent people take ownership of their words instead of pushing the blame onto how someone else reacted.
13. “You need to get over it already.”
People with low emotional intelligence have little patience for emotions that inconvenience them. Instead of trying to understand why someone feels the way they do, they pressure them to move on quickly. People with any level of EQ understand that emotions don’t work on a timer. Instead of being dismissive, they offer support and patience while someone processes what they’re going through.
14. “That’s just how the world is.”
This is often said in response to things like unfair treatment, discrimination, or personal struggles. It’s a way of brushing things off instead of actually engaging with the issue. Emotionally intelligent people don’t ignore problems just because they’ve always existed. Instead of saying, that’s just how it is, they ask, “What can we do to make it better?”
15. “If I were you, I would…”
Unsolicited advice isn’t always helpful. People with low emotional intelligence tend to assume that everyone else wants their input, even when they’re not being asked for it. Instead of automatically offering advice, emotionally intelligent people ask, “Do you want my opinion, or do you just need to vent?” That way, they respect what the other person actually needs. Most of the time, people don’t want feedback — they just need a sounding board.
16. “This isn’t a big deal, so stop making it one.”
Minimising someone else’s experience is a classic sign of low emotional intelligence. Just because you wouldn’t be upset doesn’t mean the other person is overreacting. Emotionally intelligent people understand that different things affect people differently. Instead of dismissing emotions, they ask questions and offer understanding — and that’s the real difference.
