By Your friends are meant to be there to support and encourage you, but some of them seem to have missed the memo.
Obviously, you don’t want to surround yourself with people who will just pay lip service and tell you what you want to hear — you need mates who aren’t afraid to be real with you. However, there are certain things terrible friends say that aren’t uttered to help you in any way.
1. “You’re being too sensitive.”
Sorry, but this is classic gaslighting. If you’re feeling hurt, a real mate doesn’t dismiss your emotions. They listen and try to understand. Anyone who brushes off your feelings like this isn’t worth your time. Your feelings are valid, end of story.
2. “I’m only telling you this for your own good.”
Usually, this is just an excuse to say something nasty without taking responsibility for it. A good friend gives advice when asked, not unsolicited criticism disguised as help. If they’re always “just being honest” in a way that makes you feel rubbish, that’s not friendship — it’s bullying.
3. “You’re lucky I’m even friends with you.”
Wow, talk about a red flag! Friendship isn’t a favour, it’s a two-way street. If someone thinks they’re doing you a service by being your mate, they’re not a friend — they’re just an arrogant jerk. You deserve friends who value you, not ones who think they’re above you.
4. “I told you so.”
Everyone messes up sometimes, and a real friend supports you when things go pear-shaped. They don’t rub your nose in it. If your mate’s first response to your troubles is to point out how right they were, they care more about being right than being there for you.
5. “You’ve changed.”
Newsflash: everyone changes. Growth is normal and healthy. A good friend celebrates your evolution, not guilt-trips you for it. If they’re constantly comparing you to some past version of yourself, they’re not seeing the real you. You’re allowed to grow and change — that’s what life’s all about.
6. “Why can’t you be more like…”
Comparisons are toxic, full stop. A true friend appreciates you for who you are, not who they think you should be. If they’re always measuring you against someone else, they’re not seeing your unique value. You’re not here to be a carbon copy of anyone else.
7. “I’m not hanging out with you if you’re bringing them.”
Unless your other friend is genuinely toxic, this kind of ultimatum is just childish. Good mates don’t make you choose between friends. They understand that you have other relationships and respect that. If they’re trying to control who you hang out with, that’s a major red flag.
8. “You always do this.”
Sweeping statements like this are rarely true and often hurtful. A good friend addresses specific issues, not character assassinations. If they’re constantly generalising your behaviour in a negative way, they’re not trying to help — they’re just being critical.
9. “I don’t care what you think.”
Ouch. If a friend says this, they’re basically saying your opinion doesn’t matter to them. In a healthy friendship, both people’s thoughts and feelings are valued. Even if they disagree with you, dismissing your perspective outright is just plain disrespectful.
10. “You’re nothing without me.”
This is manipulative nonsense. A true friend builds you up, not tears you down. They recognise your worth as an individual. Anyone who tries to make you feel dependent on them for your value isn’t a friend — they’re just insecure and controlling.
11. “I’m just joking, can’t you take a joke?”
This is the classic defence of someone who’s said something hurtful and doesn’t want to own up to it. Real friends know the difference between playful teasing and crossing a line. If their “jokes” consistently make you feel bad, and they refuse to acknowledge that, they’re not joking — they’re just being mean.
12. “You’re not still upset about that, are you?”
Everyone processes things at their own pace. A good friend respects your feelings and doesn’t try to rush your emotional journey. If they’re dismissing your ongoing feelings about something, they’re prioritising their comfort over your healing. That’s not what friends do.
13. “I’ll keep your secret, but…”
There should never be a “but” after this statement. A true friend respects your privacy, full stop. If they’re using your secrets as bargaining chips or threatening to spill the beans, they’re not trustworthy. Loyalty isn’t conditional in real friendships.
14. “You’re so lucky, I wish I had your problems.”
This is a sneaky way of dismissing your struggles. Everyone’s challenges are valid, and it’s not a competition. A good friend listens to your problems without minimising them or making it about themselves. Your struggles are real, regardless of how they might look to someone else.
15. “You owe me.”
Friendships aren’t about keeping score. If they’re constantly reminding you of what they’ve done for you, they’re treating the relationship like a transaction. Real friends help each other out without expecting payback. Kindness shouldn’t come with strings attached.
16. “I’m your only real friend.”
This is a classic tactic to isolate you and make you dependent on them. A good friend is happy that you have other connections, not jealous of them. If someone’s trying to convince you that they’re your only true friend, they’re probably not a friend at all — they’re just trying to control you.
