Our confidence (or lack of it) tends to be shaped by what we believe about ourselves and the world around us.
The problem is that some of those beliefs are dusty old leftovers from childhood, school, or outdated advice that no longer serves us. You might not even realise they’re there, quietly sabotaging your self-worth in the background. If you’ve been struggling to feel sure of yourself, these old-school beliefs might be the real culprits. These outdated beliefs are definitely messing with your confidence—and you’re better off without them.
1. You need to be liked by everyone.
This one’s a classic—and it’s exhausting. Chasing universal approval turns you into a shapeshifter, always adjusting who you are to match the vibe in the room. The result is that you forget who you actually are in the process.
Here’s the truth: not everyone is going to like you, and that’s completely fine. The people who do will like you for who you genuinely are, not the polished, people-pleasing version. Trying to win everyone over is a full-time job with zero benefits.
2. Failure means you’re not good enough.
Source: Unsplash Somewhere along the way, many of us picked up the idea that failing equals personal inadequacy. Of course, in reality, failure is just feedback. It’s how you learn what not to do next time, not a verdict on your worth. The most successful people in the world have failed, sometimes spectacularly. The difference is that they didn’t let it define them. They took the lesson, dusted themselves off, and kept going. You can, too.
3. If you were truly confident, you’d never feel insecure.
Confidence and insecurity can totally coexist. Being confident doesn’t mean you never doubt yourself, it just means you don’t let the doubt run the show. Everyone gets wobbly sometimes, even the people who seem rock-solid. So if you’re waiting to feel 100% bulletproof before doing the thing—starting the project, speaking up, saying yes—you’ll be waiting forever. Real confidence is just doing it anyway, nerves and all.
4. You should have everything figured out by now.
This belief hits hard in your twenties and keeps creeping in every decade after. Society loves a timeline, but real life rarely sticks to it. Careers zigzag, relationships shift, and self-discovery is never really “done.”
The truth is, nobody has it all figured out (and if they claim they do, they’re either delusional or lying). Most people are winging it in one way or another. Letting go of this pressure gives you space to explore, change your mind, and grow at your own pace without feeling like a failure for being human.
5. You must be productive to be valuable.
Hustle culture really did a number on us. Somewhere along the line, we started linking our value to output—how much we do, how busy we are, how full our calendars look. However, you’re not a machine. Your worth isn’t tied to your to-do list. Resting, playing, and simply existing without constant productivity are just as valid. Confidence blooms when you stop measuring yourself by what you “achieve” every second of the day.
6. You’re too old (or too young) to start something new.
There’s always some voice saying you missed your window, or you’re not seasoned enough yet, but the truth is that people reinvent themselves at every age. There’s no cutoff for learning, creating, or taking a new path. Age doesn’t disqualify you; it adds depth. Every experience counts, and your timeline doesn’t need to match anyone else’s. Confidence grows when you stop waiting for the “right” age and just start moving forward now.
7. It’s arrogant to speak highly of yourself.
Many of us were raised to downplay our accomplishments so we wouldn’t come across as arrogant, but humility and confidence aren’t opposites. You can be proud without being braggy. Talking about your strengths isn’t bragging; it’s acknowledging what you’ve worked for. If you don’t believe in yourself, why should anyone else? Giving yourself credit is actually a sign of grounded self-awareness, not arrogance.
8. You have to be the best to be worthy.
This one is rooted heavily in comparison culture, where being average feels like a personal failure. Of course, being the best is subjective—and, let’s be honest, often unattainable. There’s always someone faster, smarter, or more experienced.
Your value doesn’t hinge on being the top of the pile. What matters is showing up as yourself, doing what you love, and improving on your own terms. Confidence thrives when you stop competing and start focusing on your own growth.
9. People are always paying close attention to your flaws.
Hate to break it to you, but most people are too busy thinking about themselves to notice your minor missteps. That awkward comment you keep replaying is pretty much entirely forgotten in five minutes. The spot you stressed over all day? Barely seen.
This belief feeds anxiety and shrinks your self-esteem. Letting it go helps you relax, show up more authentically, and realise that you’re probably doing way better than you think. Everyone else is just winging it, too.
10. Being emotional makes you weak.
This one’s especially sticky for people taught to “toughen up” or “keep it together.” The reality is that feelings aren’t the enemy—they’re information. Suppressing them doesn’t make you strong. It just makes you disconnected. Confidence comes from owning your emotions, not hiding them. The more you honour what you feel without shame or judgement, the more solid and self-assured you become. Vulnerability, believe it or not, is a superpower.
11. You shouldn’t need help if you’re truly capable.
Asking for help has unfairly been painted as weakness, when it’s actually a sign of strength. No one gets anywhere meaningful completely alone, and pretending you can do it all is a fast track to burnout. Letting people in doesn’t mean you’re incapable—it means you’re self-aware enough to know your limits. Confidence often shows up as collaboration, not solo heroics.
12. Confidence is something you either have or you don’t.
This belief keeps so many people stuck. The truth is, confidence isn’t a fixed trait; it’s a skill you build. Like any skill, it takes practice, patience, and a few awkward attempts along the way. Thinking you have to “wait” to feel confident before you do something just keeps you frozen. In reality, the doing is what builds the feeling. You don’t need to feel ready—you just need to start.
13. If you’re not struggling, you’re not doing it right.
Some people wear struggle like a badge of honour, believing that things have to be hard to be worthwhile. Ease doesn’t mean you’re lazy; it might just mean you’ve found your flow. Confidence often grows when you stop forcing and start following what lights you up. Life isn’t meant to be a constant uphill battle. Sometimes, the path of least resistance is the one you were supposed to take all along.
