The image of a perfect, loving family is often idealized, but the reality isn’t always rosy. For some, childhood wounds are deep and enduring, leading to the difficult decision as adults to sever ties with a parent. It’s important to recognize that these choices are rarely made lightly. There are often complex and unhealed traumas that make a healthy relationship impossible, with self-preservation being the motivation to create distance.
1. Physical abuse
Any form of physical abuse creates lasting trauma that shatters a child’s sense of safety. As adults, survivors often carry a deeply ingrained fear of their abuser. Prioritizing their well-being might necessitate cutting contact even if the past abuse has stopped to prevent re-traumatization and allow for the healing process.
2. Severe emotional and verbal abuse
Words can leave wounds just as damaging as physical ones, The Guardian points out. Constant belittling, criticism, insults, or having their feelings invalidated crushes a child’s self-esteem and fosters deep-seated insecurities. Adult survivors may choose to distance themselves if the parent continues this pattern, recognizing that this type of psychological abuse is harmful to their emotional well-being.
3. Neglect and emotional unavailability
Children need a secure emotional base, but parents who are neglectful or emotionally unavailable leave a void that’s deeply painful. Growing up feeling unseen, unheard, and uncared for creates a sense of fundamental unworthiness. As adults, they may cut ties in an attempt to break the cycle of seeking love and approval that’s never offered.
4. Witnessing domestic violence
Even if the child wasn’t directly abused, growing up in a home where domestic violence occurs is highly traumatizing. It shatters their sense of safety, security, and can lead to anxiety disorders and difficulties forming healthy relationships. Maintaining contact with an abusive parent further exposes them to this dynamic or the fear of it recurring, hindering their ability to heal.
5. Growing up with an emotionally unstable parent
Children of parents with unmanaged mental health issues often become parentified, taking on the role of caretaker for the erratic parent. This creates a chaotic environment, robs them of a normal childhood, and leads to deep insecurities. If that parent remains unable to provide emotional stability as an adult, maintaining contact can further re-traumatization, causing them to prioritize their own well-being.
6. Substance abuse issues
Addiction changes people. Parents struggling with substance abuse can be unpredictable, neglectful, or verbally and even physically abusive while under the influence. This creates a chaotic, terrifying environment for children. As adults, if the parent refuses to seek treatment or remains actively addicted, maintaining contact might mean ongoing exposure to this instability, leading to the painful decision to step away for self-protection.
7. Extreme control and manipulation
Some parents use guilt, manipulation, or threats to control their children, even into adulthood. This prevents healthy individuation, fosters dependency, and erodes confidence. Adults raised in such environments may cut ties as a way of reclaiming their autonomy, breaking free from destructive patterns, and setting healthy boundaries needed for their well-being.
8. Unwillingness to acknowledge past harm, seek change, or apologize
Healing often requires the abuser to acknowledge wrongdoing and show remorse. For some, this never happens. Adult children who reach out seeking accountability are met with denial, blame-shifting, or attempts to minimize the abuse. This lack of validation can make reconciliation impossible, leading to the painful but necessary decision to distance themselves.
9. Sexual abuse
Sexual abuse of any kind is a profound betrayal of trust that shatters a child’s world. The trauma is deep and complex, often leading to lifelong struggles with intimacy, self-esteem, and PTSD. For survivors, cutting contact with the abuser may be the only way to feel safe, begin the healing process, and reclaim a sense of power.
10. Parents who constantly play favorites or scapegoat one child
Healthy family dynamics require all children to feel loved and valued. Parents who consistently treat one child as the favorite or scapegoat create a divisive and toxic environment. This favoritism or unfair blame erodes self-image and damages sibling relationships. As adults, if that dynamic persists, cutting ties may be the only way to prioritize emotional well-being and break away from a dysfunctional role.
11. Parents who expose children to unsafe people, situations, or criminal activity
Parents have a fundamental responsibility to protect their children. Exposing them to unsafe individuals, environments where they’re at risk, or actively involving them in criminal activities is an egregious breach of trust. As adults, the choice to sever contact reflects the need to break this destructive cycle and shield themselves (and potentially their own children) from ongoing harm.
12. Parents who undermine, sabotage, or refuse to support their adult child’s life choices
It’s natural for parents to want what’s best for their children, but healthy parents encourage their adult child’s growth and autonomy. Those who constantly criticize life decisions, refuse support, or actively sabotage career goals, relationships, or choices that deviate from the parent’s expectations create a sense of conditional love. Adult children in this situation might choose distance to break free from this toxic dynamic.
13. Parents who are unaccepting of their adult child’s identity or values
Whether it’s due to religious differences, homophobia, transphobia, racism, or disapproval of their partner, some parents refuse to accept their adult child’s authentic self. This unwavering rejection cuts deep. To prioritize mental health and self-respect, adult children in this situation may feel cutting ties is the only way to live honestly and free from constant judgment.
14. Parents who create unnecessary drama and chaos
Some parents thrive on conflict, pitting family members against each other, creating rivalries, or intentionally sabotaging special occasions. This constant drama creates a mentally and emotionally draining environment for adult children. Prioritizing peace and stability may mean creating distance from this toxic source of stress and upheaval.
15. Parents who remain emotionally close but refuse boundaries
For some, cutting ties may seem too harsh, particularly if overt abuse wasn’t present. It’s possible to love a parent while recognizing a relationship isn’t healthy. Adult children who attempt to set boundaries that are constantly ignored or defied may reach a point where reducing contact is the only way to enforce those boundaries and protect their well-being.
16. Parents who demand care-taking but provide no emotional support
As parents age, roles sometimes invert. However, some parents use illness, disability, or simply a sense of entitlement to emotionally manipulate their adult child into a caregiving role without offering any reciprocation of love or support. This one-sided dynamic is draining, and enforcing boundaries may necessitate less contact.
17. Realizing that “family” isn’t always determined by blood
Cutting ties with parents is a deeply painful decision. Recognizing that “family” doesn’t always have to mean those we’re biologically related to is an important part of healing. Adult children who make this choice often build strong, supportive networks of friends and chosen family who provide the unconditional love and sense of belonging that a toxic childhood denied them.
