The idea that men aren’t capable of feeling or expression deep emotions is reductive and untrue.
Just because men aren’t as encouraged or equipped to be emotive as women are doesn’t mean they’re incapable of it. That being said, many men do still struggle to connect on more than a surface-level, whether with friends, family members, or romantic partners. They may not even realise they’re falling short in this way because they don’t know any different. However, it’ll be evident in their behaviour, as most of them are usually guilty of these bad habits. With a bit of awareness, encouragement, and help, however, they can change and enjoy deeper, more fulfilling relationships of all kinds.
1. They avoid talking about their feelings.
One of the most limiting and common patterns in men who struggle to connect emotionally is a reluctance (or downright refusal) to talk about their emotions. Whether it’s because of fear, vulnerability, or simply not knowing how to express themselves, they often bottle up their feelings and avoid conversations about their emotional state.
2. They often dismiss or minimise their own emotions.
Rather than acknowledging their feelings, these men may minimise or dismiss them. They may tell themselves things like “I’m fine” or “It’s not a big deal,” even when they’re actually feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or sad. It’s a pattern that can make it hard for the people in their lives to understand what they’re truly experiencing emotionally.
3. They focus more on practical solutions than emotional support.
When a problem arises, men who struggle emotionally may go straight into problem-solving mode, rather than offering emotional support. While this can be useful in some situations, it can feel dismissive to people who are looking for empathy or understanding rather than solutions.
4. They tend to suppress vulnerability.
Vulnerability is often seen as a weakness in society, and many men internalise this belief. They might avoid opening up about their emotions because they fear being judged or appearing “weak.” That pattern of suppression prevents them from forming deep emotional connections with other people.
5. They avoid physical displays of affection.
Physical affection can be a powerful way to connect emotionally, but men who struggle with emotional closeness may shy away from displays of affection. Whether it’s hugging, holding hands, or showing tenderness, they might feel uncomfortable with these expressions of emotion.
6. They’re uncomfortable with other people’s emotions.
Men who find it hard to connect emotionally might also struggle when people express vulnerability. They may feel awkward or uncomfortable when someone cries or talks about their feelings, and they often don’t know how to respond in a way that validates the other person’s emotions.
7. They keep relationships superficial.
Instead of deepening relationships and engaging in meaningful conversations, some men keep their interactions surface-level. They might talk about hobbies, work, or other neutral topics but avoid diving into personal or emotional discussions, keeping people at a distance.
8. They struggle with empathy.
Empathy — the ability to understand other people’s feelings — is an incredibly useful skill in life, but men who struggle to connect emotionally may find it tough to put themselves in someone else’s shoes, making it harder for them to respond with understanding when people are going through tough emotional moments.
9. They have a fear of rejection or criticism.
Some men may avoid emotional connection because they fear being rejected or criticised for their vulnerability. This fear can cause them to keep their emotions hidden, fearing that showing weakness or emotional depth might drive people away or lead to judgement.
10. They prefer to “fix” rather than listen.
In relationships, many men who struggle emotionally will default to a “fixer” mindset. When a partner expresses frustration, sadness, or concern, they may immediately suggest a solution rather than simply listening and validating the feelings being shared. This can make their partner feel unheard or unsupported.
11. They might have trouble with intimacy.
Emotional intimacy often feels impossible for men who struggle with emotional connection. They might have trouble allowing someone to get close to them, emotionally or physically, and resist opening up to partners for fear of being vulnerable or too exposed.
12. They avoid conflict at all costs.
Men who are uncomfortable with emotional connection often avoid conflict, as it requires expressing and discussing feelings. They may shut down, withdraw, or deflect when a conflict arises, rather than facing the issue head-on and dealing with the emotional components of the situation.
13. They feel pressure to “man up” and suppress emotion.
Many men grow up with the societal expectation to “man up” and not show emotion. This ingrained belief can make it incredibly hard for them to express vulnerability or ask for help. It creates a pattern of emotional suppression, which can prevent them from forming deep, meaningful connections.
14. Expressing affection verbally is a major no-go.
While they may feel love or care for people, some men find it hard to verbalise these emotions. They may struggle to say “I love you” or “I care about you,” even when they truly mean it. Not being able to say how they feel aloud can make it hard for the people in their lives to feel the emotional closeness they’re looking for.
