When you’re finally in a solid relationship, your whole outlook on love changes.
Whereas before you used to feel insecure, worry about your future together, and act in ways that were uncharacteristic because you never really know where you stood, all of a sudden, that behaviour just… stops. You know you’re loved, supported, and safe, and that deep-rooted knowledge allows you relax, let go, and just breathe. You might be afraid to trust its goodness at first, but you’ll know for sure you’re in a secure relationship because you no longer feel the need to do the things you used to in your more unstable partnerships.
1. Constantly seek reassurance
In a secure relationship, there’s no need to constantly ask for reassurance. Trust in your partner and the relationship itself makes you feel secure without needing constant validation. You know where you stand, and that’s enough. Rather than doubting your connection, you trust the bond you share and the stability it provides, allowing you to live more confidently in the moment. It creates a sense of calm where both partners know they are valued without needing to ask for constant affirmation.
2. Play games or manipulate
Games like playing hard to get or manipulating situations for attention have no place in a healthy relationship. People in secure relationships are direct with their feelings, and they communicate openly without trying to get a reaction from their partner. They know the importance of mutual respect and believe that any game-playing or manipulation only leads to unnecessary confusion and hurt feelings. A relationship based on trust eliminates the need for games, and both people are happy to be themselves without pretence.
3. Keep score
In secure relationships, there’s no tallying up who did what or keeping track of favours. It’s all about mutual care and respect, and both partners are equally invested in the relationship, without counting who’s done more for whom. The focus shifts from self-interest to partnership, creating a bond where both people give without keeping score because giving comes from the heart, not from obligation. It lets love flow freely, with no hidden expectations or resentment building up over time.
4. Hide your feelings
People in secure relationships feel safe expressing their true feelings. Instead of bottling things up or holding back, they communicate honestly and respectfully, knowing that their partner will listen and understand. By sharing emotions openly, you build deeper intimacy and a stronger connection, creating a relationship where both partners feel heard and valued. Hiding your feelings only leads to miscommunication and emotional distance, so open conversations create a space of mutual respect where both can express themselves freely.
5. Compromise your values
When you’re in a secure relationship, you don’t feel the need to compromise your personal values or beliefs. Respect for each other’s individuality is a key aspect of a healthy relationship, and you both stand firm in who you are without feeling pressured to change. You support one another’s unique qualities and work to understand each other’s perspectives, even when they differ. Having that level of mutual respect creates a space where both partners can grow individually, knowing that being authentic is encouraged and valued.
6. Make assumptions
Rather than making assumptions about your partner’s actions or feelings, communication is key. People in secure relationships are confident enough to ask questions and clear up any confusion, rather than jump to conclusions or let misunderstandings fester. As a result, it prevents resentment from building up and ensures that both partners feel understood and respected. It also strengthens the relationship, as open conversations prevent unnecessary conflicts and allow for greater understanding between both people.
7. Try to “fix” your partner
People in secure relationships don’t see their partner as a project to fix. They accept each other’s flaws and quirks and love each other despite, or perhaps because of, those imperfections. There’s no need for changing or fixing anything; it’s about growth together as individuals and as a couple, always supporting each other’s self-improvement journey. A secure relationship values growth but also loves the person as they are, allowing both partners to flourish in a way that feels natural and fulfilling.
8. Rely on each other for constant happiness
While you love your partner, you don’t rely on them to make you happy all the time. People in secure relationships understand the importance of self-care and personal happiness, knowing that their partner is there to complement, not complete, them. You can support each other, but ultimately, your happiness comes from within, making your connection even more fulfilling. When both partners find joy in their individual lives, they can bring that positive energy into the relationship, creating a stronger bond.
9. Be overly jealous
Jealousy has no place in a secure relationship. Trust and mutual respect replace insecurity, allowing both partners the freedom to have their own lives outside the relationship. There’s no need to check up on each other or worry about petty things. A healthy relationship thrives when both people feel secure enough to give each other space, knowing that it strengthens the bond. When you trust each other deeply, jealousy doesn’t have room to take hold, creating a more peaceful and secure connection.
10. Avoid conflict
Conflict doesn’t mean the relationship is in trouble. People in secure relationships are comfortable addressing issues head-on. They understand that disagreements are a part of life and prefer open, honest discussions to silent treatment or avoidance. This leads to resolution, growth, and understanding, ensuring that the relationship moves forward stronger after each challenge. Rather than letting things simmer, they tackle disagreements calmly, ensuring both partners feel heard and valued in the process.
11. Spend all your time together
While time spent together is important, people in secure relationships know the value of personal space. They don’t feel the need to be attached at the hip 24/7 because they trust that the bond is strong enough to thrive even when they’re apart. Striking a balance between togetherness and independence allows for healthy growth within the relationship and as individuals. Both partners have the freedom to pursue their interests and goals while still maintaining a strong, loving connection.
12. Keep secrets
In secure relationships, transparency is key. Both partners feel comfortable sharing their thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear of judgment. Keeping secrets doesn’t create a healthy dynamic; honesty is always the best policy. Openness in communication strengthens trust, making both partners feel safe and valued in the relationship. When secrets are kept, it creates emotional distance, but openness strengthens the bond and ensures that both individuals feel like they are part of each other’s lives.
13. Over-explain or justify everything
When you’re in a secure relationship, you don’t feel the need to justify every action or decision. You trust that your partner understands you and your choices, and there’s no need to over-explain yourself or seek approval at every turn. This allows for deeper respect, as both partners are confident in their decisions and actions. Trusting each other means knowing that explanations aren’t always necessary because your partner understands where you’re coming from.
14. Look for attention outside the relationship
Insecure behaviour, like looking for attention from someone who’s not your partner to feel validated, is unnecessary in a secure relationship. People in healthy relationships feel loved, valued, and seen by their partner, which removes the need for outside validation. That sense of security creates an atmosphere where both partners feel secure and confident in their relationship. Instead of chasing attention from people outside the relationship, you both find comfort and fulfilment in each other, building a deeper, more meaningful connection.
15. Play the blame game
People in secure relationships understand that blame doesn’t solve problems. Instead of blaming each other, they work together to resolve conflicts. Both partners take responsibility for their actions and focus on finding solutions, rather than pointing fingers. Working together creates respect and keeps the relationship healthy in the long run. Rather than getting stuck in a cycle of blame, they approach challenges as a team, looking for ways to move forward together.
16. Feel pressured to stay the same
In a secure relationship, personal growth is encouraged. You don’t feel pressured to stay the same person you were when you first met. Instead, both partners support each other’s growth and celebrate the changes that come with time, knowing it strengthens the bond. The ability to evolve together as individuals and as a couple is what makes the relationship truly fulfilling. You grow together, adapt to new challenges, and find new ways to deepen your connection over time.
