People Who Showcase These Behaviours Likely Have A Personality Disorder

We all have our quirks and baggage, but there’s a difference between run-of-the-mill human flaws and serious red flags.

When someone’s behaviour consistently crosses the line from difficult to destructive, it might be a sign that there’s a deeper issue at play. Personality disorders are complex mental health conditions that can wreak havoc on relationships and leave a trail of emotional destruction in their wake. Here are 17 signs that someone’s not just a garden-variety jerk, but may actually have a personality disorder.

1. Their reactions are wildly disproportionate to the situation.

We all get upset sometimes, but people with personality disorders often have emotional responses that are way out of whack with reality. If someone consistently flies off the handle over minor slights, has explosive outbursts that seem to come out of nowhere, or goes from zero to 100 at the drop of a hat, it’s a red flag. Their moods are like a roller coaster on steroids, and you never know when the next wild ride will start. It’s exhausting and unpredictable.

2. They have a fragile sense of self and an insatiable need for validation.

People with personality disorders often have a very shaky sense of who they are, the Mayo Clinic notes. Their self-image is like a house of cards that could collapse at any moment. As a result, they constantly seek external validation and praise to prop up their fragile ego. They fish for compliments, brag about their accomplishments, and get irrationally angry if they feel overlooked or unappreciated. Their sense of worth is entirely dependent on other people’s approval, which is a recipe for perpetual dissatisfaction.

3. They lack empathy and have trouble considering other people’s perspectives.

Empathy is the glue that holds relationships together. It’s the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and understand their feelings. But people with personality disorders often have an empathy deficit. They struggle to see beyond their own needs and desires. They may come across as callous, self-centred, or even cruel in their disregard for other people’s emotions. If you constantly feel unheard, invalidated, or steam rolled by someone, it might be a sign that they’re incapable of real emotional attunement.

4. They have a history of tumultuous and unstable relationships.

If someone has a trail of broken friendships, rocky romances, and burnt bridges behind them, pay attention. People with personality disorders often struggle to maintain healthy, long-term connections. Their relationships tend to be intense, dramatic, and short-lived. They may idealise a new partner or friend, only to become disillusioned and discard them when they inevitably fall short of their unrealistic expectations. If you notice a pattern of revolving-door relationships, it’s a sign that the problem might lie with them, not everyone else.

5. They have a grandiose sense of self-importance and entitlement.

Confidence is great, but people with personality disorders often take it to a delusional extreme. They see themselves as better than everyone else, with special talents, abilities, or qualities that set them apart. They believe they deserve special treatment and get enraged if they don’t get their way. They may talk endlessly about their own accomplishments while showing little interest in other people. This grandiosity is a defence against deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and shame, but it can be grating and alienating to those around them.

6. They’re master manipulators and enjoy playing mind games.

People with personality disorders often have a knack for getting inside your head and pulling your strings. They’re skilled at reading people and exploiting their weaknesses. They may use guilt, flattery, gaslighting, or outright lying to get what they want. They enjoy the thrill of the chase and the power of being able to control people. If you constantly feel like you’re being played or manipulated, trust your gut. Healthy relationships are based on honesty and mutual respect, not mind games.

7. They have a distorted view of reality and may even experience paranoid delusions.

People with certain personality disorders, like borderline or paranoid personality disorder, may have a tenuous grasp on reality. Their perception of events is often distorted by their intense emotions and irrational beliefs. They may read hidden meanings into innocent remarks or become convinced that people are out to get them. In extreme cases, they may even experience full-blown paranoid delusions. If someone’s version of reality seems way off base and resistant to reason, it might be a sign of a deeper disturbance.

8. They have a “my way or the highway” attitude and refuse to compromise.

Relationships require give and take. But people with personality disorders often have a rigid, inflexible way of thinking that leaves little room for compromise. They want things done their way, on their timeline, and woe betide anyone who dares to disagree. They may issue ultimatums, give the silent treatment, or resort to bullying tactics to get their way. They see compromise as a sign of weakness rather than a necessary part of healthy collaboration. It’s their way or the highway, and you better buckle up.

9. They have a hot-and-cold communication style that leaves your head spinning.

Trying to communicate with someone with a personality disorder is like trying to follow the plot of a David Lynch film. Their communication style is often erratic, inconsistent, and hard to follow. They may alternate between effusive praise and scathing criticism, leaving you never quite sure where you stand. They may give you the silent treatment one day and bombard you with texts the next. This hot-and-cold pattern is crazy-making and can leave you feeling perpetually off-balance and anxious.

10. They’re extremely impulsive and prone to risky or reckless behaviour.

People with certain personality disorders, like borderline or antisocial personality disorder, often struggle with impulse control. They may act on every whim without considering the consequences. They may engage in risky behaviours like substance abuse, reckless driving, or promiscuous sex. They may make big life decisions on a whim, like resigning from their job or moving to another country with no plan. This impulsivity can be exciting at first, but it quickly becomes exhausting and scary for those around them.

11. They’re hypersensitive to criticism and have a hair-trigger temper.

Criticism is never fun, but most of us can take it in stride if it’s delivered respectfully. Not so for people with personality disorders. They often have a hypersensitivity to anything that smacks of disapproval or negative feedback. Even the gentlest suggestion for improvement can trigger a volcanic eruption of defensiveness and rage. They may lash out with personal attacks, blame-shifting, or threats. Walking on eggshells becomes a way of life around them, as you never know what innocuous comment might set them off.

12. They’re pathological liars and masters of deception.

Honesty is the foundation of trust, but people with personality disorders often have a loose relationship with the truth, WebMD explains. They may lie compulsively, even about trivial things that don’t matter. They may invent elaborate stories or alter facts to make themselves look better or avoid accountability. They may even start to believe their own lies, blurring the lines between fantasy and reality. If you catch someone in lie after lie, it’s not just a character flaw—it’s a sign of a deeper disturbance in their relationship with the truth.

13. They’re experts at playing the victim and never taking responsibility.

When something goes wrong, most of us are able to own our part in it. But people with personality disorders often have a victim mentality that absolves them of any responsibility. In their mind, they are always the innocent party, unfairly wronged by people. They may constantly complain about how people mistreat them or how the world is out to get them. They may blame their partners for their own hurtful behaviour or failures. Taking accountability is kryptonite to them, and they’ll twist themselves into knots to avoid it.

14. They use guilt and shame as weapons to control you.

Guilt and shame are powerful emotions that most of us try to avoid. But for people with personality disorders, they’re just tools in their manipulation toolkit. They may shame you for your appearance, your performance, or your most vulnerable insecurities. They may use guilt to pressure you into doing things you don’t want to do, like lending them money or tolerating their bad behaviour. Healthy people lift you up and make you feel good about yourself. If someone’s constantly tearing you down, pay attention.

15. They have an unshakeable sense of superiority and look down on people.

We all like to think we’re special, but people with narcissistic personality disorder take it to the extreme. They see themselves as above the rules and better than everyone else. They may openly disparage people they deem inferior, like service workers or those with less education or money. They surround themselves with people they see as high-status and drop those they no longer view as useful. Empathy and equality are foreign concepts to them. In their world, some people simply matter more than others.

16. They invade your privacy and ignore your boundaries.

Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships, but people with personality disorders often bulldoze right over them. They may read your emails, go through your phone, or show up at your house uninvited. They may pressure you to share personal information you’re not ready to reveal or make decisions you’re not comfortable with. Your “no” means nothing to them. Violating your privacy and autonomy gives them a twisted sense of power and control. If someone consistently ignores your boundaries, it’s not love—it’s abuse.

17. They leave you feeling drained, doubting yourself, and questioning reality.

Spending time with a healthy person should leave you feeling energised, validated, and clear-headed. But interactions with someone with a personality disorder often have the opposite effect. You may come away feeling emotionally hung over—drained, confused, and full of self-doubt. You might find yourself second-guessing your own perceptions or wondering if you’re the crazy one. This is a sign that you’ve been gaslit and manipulated. Healthy relationships make you feel sane and seen. If a connection consistently leaves you off-balance, trust your instincts—something is very wrong.