Some people constantly need to be in charge. They micromanage everything, insist on having their way, and make you feel like you can’t breathe without their permission? Those are classic signs of a control freak. They might be subtle about it, using specific words to manipulate and dominate. Here are some of the tell-tale phrases that might mean you’re dealing with someone who craves control.
1. “It’s my way or the highway.”
This leaves no room for compromise or negotiation. It’s a clear declaration that their way is the only way, and if you don’t comply, you’re out. This kind of ultimatum is a major red flag, as it indicates an unwillingness to respect your opinions, needs, or desires. A healthy relationship involves compromise and mutual respect, not ultimatums and threats.
2. “I know what’s best for you.”
People often use this to justify controlling behaviour. They might believe that they know what’s best for you better than you do, and they might try to impose their decisions on you, even if it goes against your wishes or best interests. This can be incredibly frustrating and disempowering. Remember, you are the expert on your own life, and you have the right to make your own choices, even if they don’t align with what someone else thinks is best for you.
3. “If you really loved me, you would…”
This is a classic guilt-trip tactic. They use your love for them as leverage to manipulate you into doing what they want. It’s a way of making you feel obligated to fulfil their demands, even if they’re unreasonable or unfair. True love is built on mutual respect and support, not on guilt trips and emotional blackmail.
4. “You’re not allowed to…”
Someone who says this wants to put strict rules and limitations on your behaviour. They might forbid you from seeing certain friends, participating in certain activities, or even expressing your own opinions. This kind of controlling behaviour is a sign of insecurity and a lack of trust. A healthy relationship allows for autonomy and individuality, not strict rules and restrictions.
5. “I don’t trust you.”
Trust is the foundation of any healthy relationship. When someone constantly tells you they don’t trust you, it can be incredibly damaging. It can make you feel insecure, anxious, and constantly on edge. It can also lead to a cycle of defensiveness and resentment. A healthy relationship is built on mutual trust and respect, not on suspicion and doubt.
6. “You’re wrong.”
Everyone makes mistakes, but control freaks have a hard time admitting when they’re wrong. They might insist on being right, even when they’re clearly in the wrong. They might argue endlessly, refuse to apologise, or simply dismiss your perspective as invalid. This refusal to acknowledge their own mistakes can be incredibly frustrating and can lead to a breakdown in communication and trust.
7. “You should be grateful.”
Control freaks often use this one to make you feel indebted to them. They might remind you of all the things they’ve done for you, making it seem like you owe them something in return. They might want to minimise your own contributions and make you feel like you’re not doing enough. A healthy relationship is built on mutual appreciation and support, not on guilt trips and manipulation.
8. “Why can’t you just do what I want?”
This reflects a lack of respect for your autonomy and individual needs. Control freaks often expect you to cater to their every whim, and they can become frustrated or angry when you don’t comply. A healthy relationship involves compromise and finding a balance between both partners’ needs and desires. It’s not about one person always getting their way.
9. “That’s not how we do things.”
People say this to make sure you’re doing things their way, even if it’s not the most efficient or logical way. They might have a rigid routine or a set of rules that they expect everyone to follow, and they get upset if you deviate from their plan. It’s a way of maintaining control and asserting their authority. A healthy relationship allows for flexibility and different approaches, recognising that there’s often more than one way to do things.
10. “You’re not doing it right.”
Source: Unsplash Control freaks are quick to criticise and correct people, even when it’s not necessary or helpful. They might constantly nitpick your work, your appearance, or your behaviour, making you feel inadequate and incompetent. This constant criticism can be incredibly demoralising and can really knock your confidence. It’s important to remember that you’re not perfect, and neither are they. Everyone has their own way of doing things, and as long as you’re not harming anyone, you shouldn’t have to conform to someone else’s standards.
11. “Let me handle it.”
Source: Unsplash This might seem helpful at first, but it can quickly become a way for a control freak to take over and micromanage every aspect of a situation. They might not trust you to handle things on your own, or they might simply enjoy being in charge. This can be frustrating and disempowering, especially if you’re perfectly capable of handling things yourself. It’s important to assert your own autonomy and let them know that you’re capable of taking care of things without their constant supervision.
12. “I told you so.”
The person saying this wants you to feel foolish and inferior. Control freaks love to be right, and they’ll often use this to gloat when things don’t go according to their plan. It’s a way to rub salt in the wound and remind you that they’re always right, and you’re always wrong. This kind of behaviour can be incredibly damaging to your self-esteem and can create resentment in the relationship.
13. “Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.”
Source: Unsplash While this might seem like a kind gesture, it can actually be a way for a control freak to assert their dominance and make you feel dependent on them. They might offer to handle tasks that you’re perfectly capable of doing yourself, simply because they want to be in control. It’s important to recognise this pattern of behaviour and assert your own independence. Let them know that you appreciate their help, but you’re also capable of taking care of yourself.
14. “I’m the only one who knows how to do this.”
Source: Unsplash Not subtle at all, this is a way for control freaks to make themselves feel indispensable. They might exaggerate their expertise or knowledge to make you feel like you can’t function without them. It’s a way to keep you dependent on them and under their control. It’s important to remember that you have your own skills and abilities, and you don’t need to rely on someone else for everything.
15. “You wouldn’t understand.”
Source: Unsplash This one is used to shut down communication and dismiss your perspective. It’s a way of saying that your thoughts and feelings are not valid or important. Control freaks might use this to avoid explaining themselves, justifying their actions, or simply to make you feel inferior. It’s important to stand up for yourself and demand to be heard. Let them know that you deserve respect and understanding, regardless of their perceived superiority.
16. “We always do things this way.”
Source: Unsplash This is a way of enforcing tradition and routine, even when it’s no longer serving you or the relationship. Control freaks might be resistant to change and insist on doing things the way they’ve always been done, even if it’s outdated or ineffective. This rigidity can stifle growth and creativity in the relationship. It’s important to communicate your need for change and to find ways to compromise and adapt to new situations together.
