Kindness and empathy are crucial traits for healthy relationships and a decent society.
However, some people really struggle with these qualities, often displaying behaviours that indicate a lack of consideration for other people. Noticing these signs can help you navigate relationships with people like this (or avoid them altogether) and protect your own well-being. Here are 18 behaviours that suggest a person lacks kindness and empathy.
1. They always interrupt people when speaking.
People who habitually cut people off mid-sentence show a disregard for anyone’s thoughts and feelings. This proves that they value their own voice more than listening to people. It goes beyond occasional excitement or enthusiasm; it’s a pattern of dismissing people’s right to express themselves fully. This lack of consideration can make conversations feel one-sided and frustrating for those trying to communicate.
2. They mock or belittle people’s emotions.
When someone dismisses or makes fun of another person’s feelings, it’s a clear sign of low empathy. Phrases like “You’re overreacting” or “Don’t be so sensitive” minimise people’s emotional experiences. This can be particularly harmful in close relationships, as it erodes trust and emotional intimacy. It shows a fundamental lack of respect for anyone else’s internal experiences.
3. They rarely offer help unless there’s something in it for them.
Truly kind and empathetic individuals often help people without expecting anything in return. Those who only lend a hand when there’s a clear benefit for themselves lack genuine altruism. This self-centred approach to relationships can make interactions feel transactional rather than genuinely supportive. It indicates a focus on personal gain rather than making other people’s lives better.
4. They struggle to maintain eye contact during conversations.
While some people may avoid eye contact due to social anxiety or neurodivergence, consistent avoidance can also indicate a lack of empathy. Eye contact is a crucial component of emotional connection and active listening. Those who consistently look away or seem distracted during conversations may be a sign of disinterest in other people’s experiences and emotions.
5. They frequently use passive-aggressive communication.
Passive-aggressive behaviour, such as giving backhanded compliments or using sarcasm to express displeasure, shows a lack of direct and kind communication. This indirect approach to expressing negative feelings can be confusing and hurtful. It demonstrates an unwillingness to engage in honest, empathetic dialogue and can create a toxic communication environment.
6. They gossip non-stop about anyone and everyone.
While some gossip is a normal part of social bonding, excessive negative talk about people behind their backs shows a lack of empathy and kindness. It indicates a willingness to potentially harm someone’s reputation for personal entertainment or gain. This can create an atmosphere of distrust and negativity in social groups.
7. Their apologies (when they actually come) are never sincere.
People who struggle to offer genuine apologies often lack the empathy required to understand how their actions affect those around them. They might use non-apologies like “I’m sorry you feel that way” instead of taking responsibility for their actions. This shows an inability or unwillingness to acknowledge people’s hurt feelings and make amends.
8. They consistently make everything about themselves.
Individuals who turn every conversation back to their own experiences or problems lack the ability to focus on other people’s needs and feelings. This self-centredness can make people feel unheard and unimportant. It demonstrates an inability to step outside one’s own perspective and truly engage with other people.
9. They dismiss or invalidate people’s experiences.
When someone consistently downplays or dismisses people’s experiences, especially those related to discrimination or hardship, it shows a lack of empathy. This can be particularly harmful when it comes to issues of race, gender, or other forms of systemic oppression. It indicates an unwillingness to understand perspectives different from their own.
10. They show little concern for animals or nature.
While not everyone needs to be an animal lover, a complete lack of concern for animal welfare or environmental issues can indicate a broader lack of empathy. This disregard for living beings and the planet we inhabit suggests an inability to consider the well-being of entities beyond oneself. It can be a red flag for how they treat people as well.
11. They use manipulation tactics in relationships.
People who frequently employ manipulation tactics, such as guilt-tripping or gaslighting, demonstrate a lack of respect for people’s autonomy and emotions. These behaviours prioritise personal gain over everyone else’s well-being and can be deeply damaging in relationships. It shows a willingness to exploit people’s emotions for personal benefit.
12. They’re bad at reading social cues.
While some individuals may struggle with this due to neurodivergence, consistently misreading or ignoring social cues can also indicate a lack of empathy. This might manifest as continuing to talk about an uncomfortable topic despite other people’s obvious discomfort, or failing to recognise when someone needs emotional support. It suggests an inability to tune into people’s emotional states.
13. They rarely express gratitude.
People who seldom say “thank you” or show appreciation for anyone else’s efforts lack a fundamental aspect of kindness. Gratitude is a key component of positive social interactions and relationships. Its absence can make people feel undervalued and unappreciated, indicating a self-centred worldview.
14. They enjoy or are indifferent to the bad things that happen to other people.
Taking pleasure in other people’s failures or misfortunes, known as schadenfreude, or showing complete indifference to other people’s struggles, indicates a severe lack of empathy. This suggests an inability to connect with anyone else’s pain or to feel compassion for those experiencing difficulties.
15. They frequently engage in name-calling or personal attacks.
Resorting to insults or personal attacks during disagreements shows a lack of respect and empathy. Doing this prioritises winning an argument or expressing anger over maintaining positive relationships. It demonstrates an inability to engage in constructive dialogue and consider anyone else’s feelings.
16. They consistently break promises or commitments.
Regularly failing to follow through on promises or commitments shows a disregard for people’s time, feelings, and trust. This unreliability can be deeply hurtful in both personal and professional relationships. It indicates that the person values their own convenience over the impact their actions have on those around them.
17. They can never bring themselves to be happy for people.
People who struggle to genuinely congratulate people or who downplay their achievements lack the empathy required for supportive relationships. This might stem from jealousy or insecurity, but it ultimately shows an inability to set aside personal feelings to support people’s joy and success.
18. They refuse to consider other perspectives in discussions.
Individuals who are rigidly set in their views and refuse to consider alternative perspectives lack the empathy required for meaningful dialogue. This closed-mindedness can manifest as talking over people, dismissing differing opinions outright, or becoming defensive when challenged. It shows an unwillingness to engage in empathetic listening and to broaden one’s understanding of the world.
