Loneliness can sneak up on us as we get older, and sometimes it’s not down to becoming more isolated — it’s about habits we’ve picked up over the years.
If you find yourself feeling increasingly isolated, here are 15 habits that might be contributing to it and what you can do to turn things around. After all, loneliness can literally be a killer, as it’s linked to everything from high blood pressure and heart disease to dementia, You don’t have to suffer on your own with those feelings of disconnect — if you’re guilty of these behaviours, it’s time to switch things up.
1. Saying “no” to social invitations too often
Turning down plans now and then is fine, but making it a habit can gradually isolate you. The more you say “no,” the fewer invitations you’ll get, as people may stop asking. Try saying “yes” more often, even if you don’t feel like it. You might end up enjoying yourself, and even if you don’t, maintaining those connections is worth it.
2. Prioritising work over friendships
It’s easy to get caught up in deadlines and career goals, but consistently putting work ahead of your social life can leave you feeling alone. Friendships need regular investment, just like anything else. Schedule time for friends, even if it means setting boundaries at work. Your career is important, but so is having people to share your life with.
3. Refusing to try new things
Sticking to the same routines might feel safe, but it limits your opportunities to meet new people. If you avoid trying new activities or exploring new places, your social circle will shrink. Push yourself to step out of your comfort zone — sign up for a class, join a club, or explore a new hobby. It could lead to unexpected friendships.
4. Not keeping in touch with old friends
Life gets busy, and it’s easy to lose track of old friendships. But letting those connections fade can leave you lonelier in the long run. Send a quick message or plan a catch-up call — most friends are happy to hear from you, even after long gaps. Rekindling old friendships can feel like putting on a favourite, well-worn jumper.
5. Over-relying on digital communication
Social media and messaging apps make it easy to stay in touch, but they’re no substitute for real-life interactions. Relying solely on texts and instant messages can leave you feeling more isolated than connected. Make time for face-to-face hangouts or even phone calls. A genuine conversation can do wonders for your sense of connection.
6. Not making an effort to meet new people
If you’re waiting for new friendships to fall into your lap, you might be waiting a long time. Building connections requires effort and initiative. Say hello to your neighbours, chat with colleagues, or join social events in your community. The more you put yourself out there, the easier it becomes to meet like-minded people.
7. Letting grudges get in the way
Holding onto resentment can damage relationships and leave you feeling bitter and alone. If a minor disagreement is keeping you from reconnecting, consider letting it go. Sometimes, forgiving someone (or even yourself) can reopen the door to meaningful friendships. Don’t let pride stand between you and connection.
8. Avoiding vulnerability
Source: Unsplash If you’re always keeping things light and never sharing what’s really on your mind, your relationships can stay surface-level. Being open and vulnerable builds deeper connections. Start by sharing something small and see how people respond. You might be surprised by how much closer you feel when you let your guard down.
9. Comparing yourself to other people
Source: Unsplash Constantly comparing your life to other people’s can lead to feelings of inadequacy and make you withdraw. Remember, everyone has their own challenges, no matter how perfect their life looks online. Focus on your own journey and celebrate your own milestones. You’re more likely to connect with other people when you’re not stuck in a cycle of comparison.
10. Not making time for self-care
Source: Unsplash Neglecting your physical or mental well-being can affect your energy levels and make socialising feel like a chore. When you’re run-down, it’s easier to isolate yourself. Prioritise sleep, exercise, and activities that recharge you. Feeling good about yourself makes it easier to be around other people and engage in meaningful interactions.
11. Talking more than you listen
Source: Unsplash If you dominate conversations or only talk about yourself, people might feel unheard or undervalued. Good relationships are built on balanced exchanges. Practise active listening — ask questions, show interest, and let other people share their stories. When people feel listened to, they’re more likely to stick around.
12. Letting anxiety hold you back
Source: Unsplash Social anxiety can make interactions feel daunting, so you avoid them altogether. The more you withdraw, the stronger the anxiety becomes. Take small, manageable steps — say hello to a stranger, or have a short chat with a colleague. Gradually exposing yourself to social situations can help break the cycle of isolation.
13. Having unrealistic expectations of friends
If you expect your friends to always be available, never make mistakes, or meet all your emotional needs, you might be setting yourself up for disappointment. People are human, and relationships aren’t perfect. Letting go of unrealistic expectations can make your friendships stronger and more satisfying. A little flexibility goes a long way.
14. Being too independent for your own good
Self-reliance is great, but if you never ask for help or accept support, people might feel like you don’t need them. Relationships are about give and take. Letting people help you or leaning on friends during tough times creates deeper bonds. It’s okay to need people — it doesn’t make you weak.
15. Always waiting for other people to make the first move
Source: Unsplash If you’re always waiting for someone else to reach out, you might find yourself waiting a lot. People get busy, and sometimes they assume you’re doing fine unless they hear otherwise. Take the initiative — send the first text, suggest the plan, or invite someone over. Being proactive shows you value the relationship and helps keep connections strong.
