When you can barely keep your head above water, a little help would go a long way.
However, asking for it isn’t easy. Plenty of people would love a hand or even just a kind word or two, but they won’t come out and say it. They may feel embarrassed that they’re struggling to cope and not want anyone to know. If that’s the case, they’ll often reach out for help in ways that are a little subtler and less obvious.
1. “Oh, it’s fine — I’ve got it under control.”
When someone brushes off your concern with a quick “it’s fine,” chances are it’s anything but fine. It’s often a reflex to hide how overwhelmed they’re feeling. They might think admitting they need help makes them look weak or incapable. Offering specific help—like saying, “Shall I take care of this bit for you?”—can make it easier for them to accept without feeling like they’re imposing.
2. “Just living the dream!”
Source: Unsplash Said with a sarcastic smile or a hollow laugh, this is less about joy and more about masking stress. It’s the kind of thing people say when they feel like their struggles are starting to show, but they’re trying to play it off. If someone says this while looking like they’ve got the weight of the world on their shoulders, a gentle, “You all right, though? You seem a bit stretched,” can open the door for a real conversation.
3. “It’s not as bad as what other people are dealing with.”
Source: Unsplash This is a classic way of minimising their own struggles. They might be feeling overwhelmed but convince themselves they don’t “deserve” help because other people have it worse. It’s their way of saying, “I’m struggling, but I’m too embarrassed to admit it.” A response like, “That doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid” can go a long way in helping them feel seen.
4. “Sorry I’ve been a bit MIA lately.”
Source: Unsplash When someone pulls away socially, it’s often a sign they’re feeling drained or overwhelmed. They might disappear from group chats, miss plans, or just seem to vanish. Saying sorry for it is their way of acknowledging they’ve checked out, without fully explaining why. A kind message like, “No pressure, but I’m here if you need a chat,” can make them feel supported without putting them on the spot.
5. “Asking for a friend…”
Source: Unsplash When someone frames a problem as “hypothetical” or pretends they’re asking for someone else, it’s often because they’re too embarrassed to admit it’s about them. Such an indirect way of asking for advice is a subtle cry for help. Respond with genuine advice or empathy—it can make them feel safe enough to open up about what’s really going on.
6. “Don’t mind the mess!”
Source: Unsplash Apologising for a messy home, desk, or car often hints at more than a busy week. When someone who’s usually tidy starts letting things slide, it can mean they’re feeling too overwhelmed to stay on top of it all. Rather than pointing out the obvious, offer a helping hand: “Shall we have a tidy-up while we chat?” can feel less judgemental and more supportive.
7. “Sorry I’m such a disaster lately.”
Source: Unsplash Constantly apologising for being a “mess” or a “disaster” is often a way of pre-empting criticism they’re worried about receiving. It’s their way of saying, “I know I’m struggling, and I feel bad about it.” A kind response like, “You don’t need to apologise—what’s been going on?” can help them feel less ashamed of their struggles.
8. “I just need to recharge for a bit.”
Source: Unsplash This might sound like self-care, but when someone goes completely quiet—ignoring messages, avoiding calls, or cancelling plans—it can be more than just needing a break. Silence is often a sign they’re feeling overwhelmed but don’t want to burden anyone. A low-pressure text like, “Thinking of you—no rush to reply,” can remind them you’re there without adding to their stress.
9. “I’m surviving, I guess.”
Source: Unsplash When someone shifts from saying “I’m fine” to “I’m surviving,” it’s a pretty clear indicator they’re struggling. It’s subtle but telling—they’re still trying to put on a brave face but can’t quite hide how they’re really feeling. If you notice this, a simple “Do you need a hand with anything?” can show them you’re paying attention and willing to help.
10. “I forgot to eat again.”
Source: Unsplash Skipping meals or relying on quick fixes like crisps and coffee can signal that someone’s too overwhelmed to care for themselves properly. It’s not just about being busy—it’s about feeling so stretched that basic needs take a back seat. Offering to share a meal or drop off some food can feel supportive without making them self-conscious.
11. “I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”
Source: Unsplash Joking about exhaustion often hides just how worn down they’re feeling. When someone repeatedly talks about being tired but brushes it off with humour, it’s worth paying attention. A gentle, “You sound shattered—everything okay?” can help them feel seen without making them feel judged.
12. “I’ve been forgetting so much lately.”
Source: Unsplash If someone starts missing appointments, misplacing things, or losing track of commitments, it’s usually because they’re juggling too much. Forgetfulness isn’t the issue—it’s a symptom of being overwhelmed. Instead of pointing out their mistakes, offer practical support, like reminders or a shared calendar, to help lighten the load.
13. “I just don’t have the time anymore.”
When someone stops doing the things they used to love—whether it’s running, crafting, or even just watching their favourite shows—it’s often because they’re too drained to enjoy them. A thoughtful gesture like inviting them to revisit a hobby together can remind them that it’s okay to take time for themselves.
14. “I’ll manage, don’t worry.”
This classic phrase screams, “I need help, but I’m too embarrassed to ask.” People who say this are often carrying more than they let on, and they don’t want to seem incapable. Offering specific help—like, “I’ve got time to do this bit for you if that helps?”—can make a world of difference.
