Narcissists rarely confront people with outright cruelty—that would be far too obvious and give the game away.
Instead, they eat away at your confidence through underhanded comments that make your feelings seem overblown or irrelevant. These phrases often sound casual at first, but they’re designed to discredit you and destroy your ability to trust yourself as time goes on. What’s so awful is that if you’re not onto them, it often works. Luckily, you’ll keep your ears perked moving forward and if these things crop up, you’ll know exactly what’s happening.
1. “You’re being really dramatic about something so minor.”
They’re not trying to calm you down by saying this. They’re trying to make you feel ashamed for reacting at all. Narcissists often frame your hurt as an overreaction to avoid taking responsibility for causing it. The goal is to make you question whether your feelings are even real.
When someone regularly downplays your emotions like this, you start to silence yourself just to keep the peace. That’s exactly what they want—to control the emotional narrative without lifting a finger.
2. “I don’t know why you’re so sensitive lately.”
On the surface, this might sound like concern, but it’s actually a subtle jab that paints you as unstable. Narcissists use phrases like this to suggest that you’re the one who’s changed for the worse, not them. It flips the script so they don’t have to look at their own actions. And instead of feeling supported, you’re left wondering if your emotional responses are the problem, even when they’re not.
3. “You always make everything about you.”
It’s incredibly disorienting to bring up something that’s hurt you, only to be accused of being self-centred. Narcissists use this line to deflect attention away from their own behaviour and make you feel guilty for speaking up. They turn your pain into a character flaw, changing the entire focus of the conversation. And just like that, your attempt at vulnerability becomes evidence that you’re selfish or difficult.
4. “I guess nothing I do is ever good enough for you.”
This isn’t an apology—it’s a manipulation. Instead of taking feedback as a chance to grow, narcissists twist it into a performance of self-pity that leaves you feeling cruel for even bringing something up. You might start walking on eggshells, worrying that any request for more effort will make you seem ungrateful. Eventually, you stop asking because it always gets turned back on you.
5. “That’s not what I said, and you know it.”
When you bring up something they’ve said that hurt you, this is often the go-to response. Narcissists lean on denial to protect their image, even when the words are still ringing in your ears. They don’t just deny it—they suggest that you’re twisting things on purpose. That kind of gaslighting can make you question your memory, your perception, and eventually, your sense of reality.
6. “You’re just trying to start a fight.”
Even when you approach a tough conversation calmly, this phrase shuts it down before it begins. It suggests your intention isn’t to resolve something—it’s to stir up trouble. The moment you hear this, the emotional ground shifts beneath you. Suddenly, you’re defending your tone instead of being heard, and the original issue gets buried under accusations of hostility.
7. “Wow, you really can’t let things go, can you?”
Rather than addressing what actually happened, narcissists often skip straight to criticising the fact that you remember it. This tactic reframes your hurt as a personal flaw, not a valid response. It makes you feel immature for caring. And over time, it teaches you that holding people accountable, even calmly, is just another way to get labelled as difficult or emotionally stuck.
8. “You’re blowing this way out of proportion.”
This one is meant to make you feel irrational for expressing normal human emotion. Narcissists love to minimise reactions that threaten their control, especially if your response puts pressure on them to change. You start second-guessing your instincts and wondering if you really are making too big a deal out of things. Meanwhile, they continue behaving however they want, free of consequence.
9. “That’s just how I am—you knew that when we met.”
This is the narcissist’s way of excusing behaviour they have no intention of changing. They present their hurtful tendencies as permanent, like quirks you should’ve signed up to endure. It puts the responsibility on you to accept whatever they dish out. What’s worse, if you push back, they act like you’re being unfair for not adjusting your expectations.
10. “Other people don’t have a problem with me.”
When you express discomfort, narcissists often weaponise imaginary consensus. They’ll point to a faceless group of “other people” who supposedly “get” them just fine, as if your perspective is the outlier. This isolates you and makes you feel like the difficult one. It implies that if you were more reasonable, you wouldn’t be having a problem at all.
11. “You’re the only one who takes it that way.”
With this phrase, the narcissist avoids accountability by framing your reaction as a personal quirk rather than a valid emotional response. It creates a dynamic where you’re constantly told you’re misreading situations. Instead of engaging with your feelings, they imply you’re just interpreting everything wrong. Sadly, when that message repeats enough, you start to believe it.
12. “Don’t turn this into something it’s not.”
This line is used to shut down conversations before they can gain depth. It implies that your concerns are exaggerated, misplaced, or irrelevant, even when they’re completely legitimate. The narcissist doesn’t want to explore what’s behind your reaction. They want you to drop it. And by framing your concern as a dramatic misread, they protect themselves from having to change.
13. “You’re making me out to be the bad guy.”
This isn’t about resolving tension; it’s about making you feel guilty for naming it. Narcissists use this phrase to flip the emotional script so they can be the wounded one instead of the person who caused harm. It makes you hesitant to express any frustration in the future because you’re afraid it’ll just lead to more defensiveness or backlash.
14. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
Source: Unsplash This one sounds like an apology, but it’s anything but. It carefully avoids taking responsibility by putting the focus entirely on your emotions rather than their actions. You’re left with the impression that your feelings are just unfortunate side effects, not responses to something real. It’s a polite dismissal wrapped in empathy, but it leaves no room for healing.
15. “You take everything so personally.”
Source: Unsplash By suggesting that your reaction is the problem, not their behaviour, this one invalidates your entire emotional world. It tells you that caring too much is a flaw. It’s used to deflect consequences and keep the dynamic one-sided. And over time, it eats away at your belief that your feelings are even worth naming.
16. “Here we go again.”
This one doesn’t just dismiss what you’re saying—it shuts it down before it even begins. It sends a clear message that your emotions are repetitive, predictable, and exhausting. It trains you to stay quiet, even when something genuinely hurts. Because if every attempt at communication is met with eye-roll energy, eventually you stop speaking up altogether.
