Narcissists rarely come out swinging with obvious insults—of course not.
Instead, they often speak in a way that sounds casual or even kind on the surface—but leaves you questioning your thoughts, your feelings, and sometimes your sanity. These kinds of phrases don’t scream manipulation. They’re the slow, drip-drip kind that wears away at your confidence and sense of self without you even realising it’s happening.
The worst part is that a lot of these phrases sound like something anyone might say in a tense moment. That’s what makes them so confusing. However, when they’re used over and over, with a pattern of blame, deflection, or minimising your feelings, they stop being innocent. If you’ve been on the receiving end of these, you’ve probably walked away from conversations feeling unsure, guilty, or just… off. Here are some of the more common phrases narcissists often use to slowly wear you down.
1. “I don’t think you’re remembering that right.”
This is a classic move. Rather than acknowledging what happened, they reframe the entire situation so you’re left second-guessing your memory. It sounds reasonable at first—after all, everyone forgets things now and then—but narcissists use it to rewrite reality in their favour.
Eventually, things like this destroy your confidence in your own perception. You start doubting what you felt, saw, or heard. When that happens enough, you’re more likely to rely on their version of events instead of trusting yourself.
2. “I was just joking—it’s not that deep.”
This is the kind of thing that gets dropped after something mean or cutting has been said. When you react, they act like you’re the one taking things too seriously. It moves the blame to you, and they get away with the jab by pretending it was all light-hearted. In reality, the comment probably wasn’t a joke—it was a disguised dig. And when this keeps happening, you learn to laugh off your own discomfort instead of calling it out, just to avoid conflict.
3. “You’re way too emotional.”
This one doesn’t just brush off how you’re feeling—it makes it sound like your emotions are the problem. Instead of addressing what hurt you or why you’re upset, they frame your response as the issue. It’s a quick way to invalidate your experience and regain control of the conversation. After a while, it teaches you to suppress your emotions or feel ashamed for even having them.
4. “Everyone else thinks you’re overreacting too.”
This one’s an attempt to isolate you. It implies that not only are you wrong, but no one else would take your side either. Whether or not they’ve actually spoken to anyone else doesn’t matter—it’s all about making you feel alone and unreasonable. It’s particularly cruel because it makes you doubt your support system. You stop reaching out for perspective, and you start believing you’re the difficult one in every situation.
5. “You’re just insecure, clearly.”
Even if you bring up a valid concern—like feeling uncomfortable with how they treat you—this phrase gets thrown out as a way to undermine your point. By labelling your reaction as “insecurity,” they dodge any responsibility and put the blame squarely on you. Eventually, you might stop speaking up altogether, worried that every reaction will be used as proof that you’re flawed or needy instead of someone with healthy boundaries.
6. “I guess I’m just a terrible person then.”
This is a textbook passive-aggressive response. It sounds self-deprecating, but it’s actually a clever way to make you feel guilty for bringing something up. It turns the conversation around so they’re suddenly the victim. When someone responds this way consistently, it becomes exhausting to express any concern without being made to feel like the bad guy. You end up walking on eggshells just to keep the peace.
7. “Why do you always assume the worst of me?”
This is an attempt to move the focus away from their behaviour and onto your supposed lack of trust. It’s often used when you catch them in a lie or point out something shady. Instead of addressing what happened, they question your character for even noticing. It makes you feel guilty for listening to your instincts. In the long run, you might stop calling things out altogether, just to avoid the emotional pushback.
8. “You used to be more fun.”
This line might sound like a playful nudge, but it’s usually meant to make you feel like you’ve changed in a way they don’t like. It gets used when you start asserting boundaries or stop putting up with things you used to tolerate. It subtly pressures you to go back to being more agreeable or easier to control—because when you were more “fun,” you weren’t challenging them as much.
9. “You’re always the victim, aren’t you?”
This one’s especially damaging because it shuts down vulnerability completely. If you try to share how something affected you, this one makes it sound like you’re being dramatic or playing the martyr. It teaches you that opening up will be mocked or dismissed, which keeps you silent and stuck in a dynamic where your feelings never really count.
10. “You always think everything’s about you.”
Ironically, narcissists love using this line to accuse other people of being self-centred. Of course, more often than not, you were probably just asking for some clarity or voicing a concern. This one makes that seem selfish or needy. It’s meant to shut down your input and make you feel ashamed for wanting any emotional space in the conversation. You’re made to feel like any attention on you is too much.
11. “Don’t you know how to take a compliment?”
This one often comes up when you react poorly to a backhanded compliment or a comment that doesn’t quite feel right. They’ll act like you’re overanalysing or being difficult when, in reality, your instincts are spot-on. It’s another way to paint you as the unreasonable one and deflect from the real issue: that their “compliment” wasn’t actually kind at all.
12. “You’re imagining things again.”
Gaslighting 101. If you noticed a pattern, caught an inconsistency, or even just got a weird gut feeling, this phrase tells you it’s all in your head. It makes you feel irrational for questioning anything. Eventually, you stop trusting your observations. Even when something feels off, you hesitate to bring it up, worried it’ll be brushed off like all the rest.
13. “I never said that.”
This one’s deeply frustrating because you know they did. You remember the conversation clearly. But they insist it never happened, leaving you spinning in confusion. It’s not just denial—it’s psychological warfare. When this happens repeatedly, you start to doubt your own memory, which gives them more power. And that’s exactly what they want: control of the narrative.
14. “You always twist my words.”
Instead of owning what they said, they accuse you of misinterpreting everything. It makes you feel like the difficult one for reacting—even if their original words were clearly hurtful or misleading. It keeps you constantly questioning whether you misunderstood, when really, you understood perfectly. They just don’t like that you called it out.
15. “You’ve changed—I don’t even know who you are anymore.”
This can sound like a neutral observation, but in a narcissist’s hands, it’s a subtle criticism. It’s rarely meant as a compliment—it’s usually code for “you’re not as easy to manipulate anymore.” When you start growing, setting boundaries, or reclaiming your voice, narcissists will frame that as a negative change. That’s not because you’ve become worse, but because you’ve become harder to control.
16. “I was only trying to help.”
They’ll say this after doing something invasive, condescending, or outright controlling, but wrap it up like a kind gesture. If you express discomfort, you’re made to feel ungrateful or defensive. This one turns manipulation into martyrdom. It keeps you questioning your reaction, wondering if you really were too sensitive or suspicious—when in reality, your boundaries were just ignored.
17. “Fine. Do what you want.”
On the surface, this sounds like they’re giving you freedom. But the tone is always icy. It’s laced with guilt, silence, and emotional withdrawal. It’s not permission—it’s punishment wrapped in passive-aggression. When someone uses this phrase often, they’re not encouraging autonomy. They’re reminding you that any decision they don’t like will come with consequences, even if they’re too subtle to name outright.
