The world would be a much simpler place if everyone just said what they meant.
Instead, some people beat around the bush and pretend to be polite when really, the things they say are dripping in sarcasm, condescension, and passive-aggressiveness. Sometimes it’s obvious; other times, the things they say are so seemingly innocuous that it takes a minute to realise what’s going. Here are just a few of the phrases that are anything but direct, no matter how they’re framed. If you’re guilty of saying these things, knock it off! You know what you’re doing…
1. “Just so you know…”
It sounds like a helpful heads-up, but often it’s the opener for something you might not actually want to know. It’s the classic way to say, “I’m pointing this out because you’ve clearly missed it.” A little kindness can make this less sharp—try rephrasing as, “I thought it might be helpful to mention…”
2. “Interesting choice.”
At first glance, it seems like an observation, but let’s be real—this is code for “I would never do that.” Instead of making someone second-guess themselves, try celebrating their uniqueness. “That’s different! Tell me more!” If something doesn’t affect your life, it’s not really for you to judge.
3. “I thought you knew.”
This one has a way of making someone feel left out or clueless when, chances are, it’s not their fault that they’re out of the loop. It’s a passive-aggressive way of saying, “How could you not know this?” Swapping it for, “Oh, I’m sorry, I should’ve mentioned it earlier,” works wonders.
4. “Good for you!”
While it can genuinely mean encouragement, the tone often gives it away. If it sounds more like, “Well, aren’t you special?” it’s probably not as supportive as intended. Adding sincerity—“That’s genuinely impressive!”—makes all the difference.
5. “I was just kidding.”
Nothing like following a cutting remark with this classic. It’s the perfect way to deliver a jab while pretending it’s all in good fun. A better approach? Skip the jab entirely and keep things playful without the edge. If you have to explain that something was a joke, it’s obviously not very funny.
6. “Whatever works for you.”
It sounds flexible but often translates to, “That’s a terrible idea, but fine.” Instead, be honest about your concerns or support their decision fully: “If that’s what feels right for you, I’m here for it!” And to be honest, this is how you really should feel! If someone’s doing something that they want or need to do for themselves, you should back them, even if you don’t understand it.
7. “I didn’t realise you were so sensitive.”
This one adds insult to injury because it shifts the blame to the other person for reacting. There’s literally no way to say it that doesn’t make you sound like an insufferable jerk, either. Instead of minimising their feelings, try saying, “I didn’t mean to upset you—let’s talk about it.”
8. “I guess it’s fine.”
Translation: “It’s not fine, but I don’t want to say why.” If you genuinely feel uneasy, communicate what’s bothering you instead of leaving someone in the dark. Clarity is kind! And if you don’t know why you’re so bothered, so a little soul-searching on your own time, but leave them out of it.
9. “If that’s what you want to do…”
What sounds like an acceptance of someone’s choice often carries a layer of judgement. It’s a way of saying, “I don’t agree, but it’s your mistake to make.” A better approach is offering curiosity instead: “What made you decide on that?” Hearing their reasoning can be an eye-opening experience.
10. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
When someone feels hurt, this dismisses their experience and shifts the focus away from resolving the issue. Instead, a simple, “I’m sorry—that wasn’t my intention. Let’s talk about it,” can smooth things over. Take ownership! Sometimes the impact is far more important than the intention.
11. “I’m fine.”
Ah, the classic. Rarely does this mean what it says, and we all know it. If you’re not fine, it’s okay to express what’s really going on—gently, of course. Honesty creates understanding. That doesn’t mean you have to spill your life story, but you can at least offer a bit more!
12. “Do you really think that’s a good idea?”
Source: Unsplash Clearly they do, or else they wouldn’t be saying/doing it! This phrase is less of a question and more of a rhetorical slap. If you’re genuinely concerned, framing it as a conversation—“I see where you’re coming from; have you thought about X?”—can feel far more constructive.
13. “No offence, but…”
Source: Unsplash Everyone knows that whatever follows is almost guaranteed to be offensive. If you have feedback to share, drop the preface and aim for constructive language. You’ll skip the eye-rolls entirely!
14. “It must be nice.”
Source: Unsplash This just with envy disguised as politeness and makes you sound like a hater. Whether someone’s enjoying a holiday or has free time, it’s better to celebrate their moment: “That sounds amazing—I hope you’re enjoying it!” Better yet, find it in yourself to actually feel that way instead of coming off as bitter.
15. “Bless your heart.”
Source: Unsplash This one is more likely to be said if you’re American, but I have heard it in the UK! There’s often a sharp undercurrent of pity or condescension to this one, and that’s just not right. Instead, use it genuinely to show kindness, or better yet, swap it out for something clear and heartfelt.
16. “I’ll let you figure it out.”
Source: Unsplash While it can seem empowering, in reality, it’s often a way of washing your hands of a situation. If you genuinely want to encourage independence, say, “Let me know if you’d like any input—I’m happy to help if needed.”
