If you’ve been betrayed before or simply never felt safe opening up to someone, it can feel nearly impossible to do.
You don’t want to look weak, burden anyone, or make yourself vulnerable to being hurt, so it sometimes feels safer to keep your cards close to your chest. However, if you never share yourself with other people, you’ll never be able to form close, meaningful, rewarding relationships. Here’s how to overcome your fear and start letting people in.
1. Start small.
Source: Unsplash Nobody needs to dive straight into the deep stuff right away. Try sharing tiny bits of your day or simple thoughts about a movie you watched. Maybe mention how you felt about that work meeting or what you thought about during your morning coffee. Building trust happens in baby steps, and these little shares help create a foundation. Starting with smaller things helps your brain realise that sharing doesn’t always lead to disaster. Even something as simple as admitting you’re having a rough day can be a meaningful step towards being more open.
2. Pick your moment.
Timing matters when you’re trying to open up to someone. A quiet coffee catch-up usually works better than a crowded pub on Friday night. Look for those natural moments when you’re both relaxed and have time to properly talk. Pay attention to whether they seem distracted or stressed — you want them to have the headspace to really listen. Sometimes a walk together can feel less intense than sitting face to face. Those quiet moments when you’re both feeling calm often create the perfect space for genuine conversation.
3. Test the waters.
Before sharing something really personal, try bringing up a related topic in a general way. Talk about something you saw in the news or a situation that happened to a friend. Watch how they respond and if they seem understanding or judgmental. Notice if they listen properly or just wait for their turn to speak. Their reaction can help you feel more confident about sharing your own stuff. Getting a sense of how they handle sensitive topics can make you feel more secure about opening up.
4. Write it down first.
Source: Unsplash Getting thoughts out of your head and onto paper can make them feel more manageable. Scribble down what you want to say, even if it comes out messy at first. Read it back to yourself and notice which parts feel scariest to share. Having notes on your phone can help if you freeze up during the actual conversation. Writing helps organise scattered thoughts into something that makes sense. Reading your thoughts back often helps spot the core message you really want to share.
5. Set your own boundaries.
You get to decide how much to share and when to stop. Take breaks if things feel too intense — stepping back doesn’t mean you’ve failed. Pick specific parts of your story you feel ready to talk about and leave the rest for another time. Remember, you can always say “I need some time to think about that” if someone asks questions you’re not ready to answer. Setting boundaries isn’t just okay — it’s a crucial part of building healthy relationships.
6. Give yourself permission to be messy.
Nobody delivers perfect speeches about their feelings. It’s totally normal to stumble over words, need to pause, or feel your thoughts getting jumbled. Take deep breaths if you need to slow down. Your voice might shake, or you might tear up — these reactions just mean you’re human. Sometimes the messiest conversations turn out to be the most meaningful. Real connections happen when we let go of trying to make everything sound perfect.
7. Choose your person carefully.
Think about who makes you feel safe and comfortable. Maybe it’s that friend who never makes you feel judged, or the family member who really listens. Pay attention to how different people handle sensitive conversations. Notice who keeps your confidences and who treats your feelings with respect. Trust your gut about who feels right to open up to. The right person will make you feel valued and heard, even when you’re struggling to express yourself.
8. Create a safety net.
Have a plan for taking care of yourself after sharing something big. Maybe that’s watching your favourite show, going for a walk, or calling another friend. Keep some comfort food in the house or plan a relaxing activity. Know what helps you feel grounded when emotions run high. Having these backup plans can make the idea of opening up feel less scary. Planning little acts of self-care afterwards helps your brain associate opening up with feeling safe rather than vulnerable.
9. Remember your reasons.
Source: Unsplash Keep in mind why you want to open up in the first place. Maybe you’re tired of carrying everything alone, or you want to deepen your relationships. Write down your reasons somewhere you can see them when you feel nervous. Connecting with other people makes life better, even though it feels scary sometimes. Getting support and understanding can lift huge weights off your shoulders. Every time you feel scared, remind yourself that the potential benefits often outweigh those temporary moments of fear.
10. Take your time.
Real trust and openness happen gradually. Some days you might feel ready to share lots, other days barely anything at all. That’s perfectly normal and actually pretty healthy. Notice your small victories — every time you share something matters. Building deeper connections happens one conversation at a time. Each small step forward counts, even if it doesn’t feel huge in the moment. The journey of opening up isn’t a race — it’s about moving forward at a pace that feels right for you.
