Not everyone’s wired to pick up on how other people feel, but some people take that to the extreme.
They don’t just miss emotional cues; they run right over them. When someone lacks empathy altogether, it shows up in the way they talk, treat people, and respond when someone’s hurting. Here are some common traits that tend to show up in people who genuinely don’t feel empathy for anyone—and they don’t feel bad about it, either.
1. They never apologise—unless it benefits them
If they do say sorry, it’s usually half-hearted or followed by an excuse. It’s not because they feel bad about how they made you feel; it’s because they want to smooth things over quickly or get something out of it. People with no empathy struggle to understand why their actions hurt. So instead of genuine remorse, they offer surface-level apologies that are more about appearances than accountability.
2. They get annoyed when you express your feelings.
Whether you’re upset, overwhelmed, or just trying to explain how something affected you, they act like you’re overreacting. They roll their eyes, change the subject, or tell you to “calm down.” This kind of reaction isn’t just dismissive—it’s a sign they can’t (or won’t) connect with what you’re feeling. To them, your emotions are inconvenient, not something to be understood or cared for.
3. They rarely, if ever, ask how you’re doing.
Conversations with them are usually one-sided. They talk about themselves, their problems, their opinions—but rarely stop to check in on you. If they do ask how you are, it’s generally out of politeness, not genuine concern. People without empathy don’t naturally wonder how other people are feeling. They might be good at faking care when it suits them, but it won’t be consistent, and it usually disappears when there’s nothing in it for them.
4. They see vulnerability as weakness.
If you open up about something painful, they might mock it, question it, or act like it’s a personal failure. Struggling is seen as a flaw, not as something human and relatable. This belief often leads them to put up a tough front themselves. They might be emotionally shut down or hyper-critical of anyone who shows what they think of as “too much feeling.”
5. They don’t take other people’s experiences seriously.
When someone shares something difficult—whether it’s grief, trauma, or even a bad day—they downplay it. They say things like “It’s not that bad,” “Everyone goes through stuff,” or “You’re being dramatic.” Empathy means being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. When someone can’t or won’t do that, they’ll keep invalidating them simply because they can’t imagine a world outside their own viewpoint.
6. They turn everything into a competition.
You open up about something hard, and somehow they flip it to talk about how they’ve had it worse. Or they dismiss your struggles because they’ve been through more, worked harder, or suffered longer. It’s not about connecting—it’s about staying on top. For someone who lacks empathy, every conversation is a chance to assert dominance, not to understand or support someone else’s experience.
7. They don’t feel bad when they hurt people.
They might know someone’s upset with them, but it doesn’t seem to register emotionally. There’s no pause, no regret, no desire to make things right—just a shrug or a quick justification for why they were “technically right.” Even if they’re called out, they’ll often double down. They’re more focused on defending themselves than understanding the impact of their actions on someone else.
8. They interrupt or talk over people non-stop.
Conversations aren’t conversations with them—they’re monologues with occasional input from you. They rarely listen fully, and they’ll often hijack the topic to steer it back to themselves. This isn’t just a bad habit—it often comes from a lack of interest in other people’s inner world. They’re not curious about what you’re saying, because your experience doesn’t matter to them the way their own does.
9. They hold grudges but expect instant forgiveness.
If you upset them, they won’t let it go. They’ll bring it up later, use it against you, or let it colour how they treat you from then on. But if they upset *you*, they expect you to move on immediately and not make a big deal out of it. This double standard comes from an inability to put themselves in someone else’s shoes. Their own feelings matter more, so fairness goes out the window whenever the situation is reversed.
10. They don’t recognise when someone’s uncomfortable.
You could be clearly fidgeting in your seat, going quiet, or giving every social cue that you’re uncomfortable, and they either don’t notice or don’t care. They keep pushing, overstepping, or dominating the space. Empathetic people naturally tune in to body language and tone. However, people who lack empathy are often emotionally tone-deaf. They miss the signs, or ignore them, because your comfort just isn’t on their radar.
11. They expect everyone to adapt to them.
They rarely adjust their behaviour to suit the situation or the people around them. If something doesn’t suit them, it’s “too much effort” or “not their problem.” You’re expected to bend, not them. Their self-centredness isn’t always obvious. Sometimes it comes through in subtle ways, through a refusal to compromise, to meet anyone halfway, or to consider anyone else’s needs but their own.
12. They lack genuine curiosity about other people.
You could be going through something major, and they won’t ask a single follow-up question. They nod along or give a half-listen, but there’s no real interest in how things affect you emotionally. It’s not that they’re shy—it’s that they don’t see much value in exploring someone else’s inner world. Unless it directly relates to them or benefits them somehow, they’re not going to engage deeply.
13. They get impatient with emotional conversations.
Try to explain how something made you feel, and they’ll either rush you, cut you off, or get visibly frustrated. They don’t have time for what they see as “emotional stuff,” even if it’s part of a serious relationship issue. This impatience usually comes from discomfort. People with no empathy often don’t know how to deal with feelings, so instead of trying, they just shut the conversation down—or make you feel silly for having it at all.
14. They only care when it affects them.
You’ll notice a clear pattern: the only time they show concern or act emotionally invested is when something directly impacts their comfort, image, or routine. If it doesn’t touch their world, they check out. This is one of the clearest signs of lacking empathy. The ability to care without personal benefit is what makes empathy real. When that’s missing, everything becomes transactional, and that’s not what healthy connection looks like.
