Unpleasant experiences don’t have to be huge to leave a mark.
A tough conversation, a public embarrassment, a wave of panic, or just something that left you feeling off—all of it can rattle your nervous system more than you realise. The thing is, sometimes, it’s not about fixing anything. It’s about helping yourself settle again. Here are some simple, real-world ways to self-soothe when something leaves you feeling raw, tense, or just not quite yourself.
1. Sit somewhere quiet and focus on your breath.
After something uncomfortable happens, your body tends to hold onto it. You might not even realise how tense your shoulders are or how shallow your breathing’s become until you sit still. Slowing your breath, even just for a few minutes, helps signal to your body that you’re safe again.
You don’t have to do anything fancy. Just breathe in gently, hold it for a second, and let it out longer than you inhaled. You’re not just clearing your mind—you’re reminding your body that it can calm down now.
2. Do something repetitive with your hands.
When your thoughts won’t settle, sometimes your hands can take over. Things like brushing your hair, folding laundry, washing dishes, or kneading dough aren’t just chores—they’re grounding tools. The rhythm helps take your focus out of your head and into the present moment.
Even something small, like holding a warm mug or rubbing your palms together, can help anchor you. The goal isn’t productivity; it’s comfort through motion that doesn’t ask too much of you.
3. Change your environment, even slightly.
Staying in the exact spot where something upsetting happened can make it hard to shake the feeling. Moving rooms, opening a window, stepping outside, or even switching on different lighting can help interrupt the spiral. You’re not running away from the discomfort—you’re giving your body and mind a cue that it’s okay to shift gears. Sometimes all it takes is a change of air or a different view to remind yourself that you’re not stuck in that moment forever.
4. Listen to a sound that makes you feel safe.
Whether it’s the sound of rain, soft piano, a podcast with a familiar voice, or even a quiet fan—soothing sounds can help calm your nervous system without needing any emotional effort from you. You’re not trying to force yourself into a better mood—you’re just giving your brain something gentler to focus on. Let the sound hold you for a bit while you come back to centre at your own pace.
5. Give yourself a neutral sensory reset.
Touch something soft. Rinse your hands under warm water. Wrap yourself in a blanket. These tiny sensory resets help ground your body when your mind is still stuck in the discomfort. You don’t have to make it a whole routine. Just pick one thing that feels calm to your senses. You’re reminding your system, gently and non-verbally, that you’re allowed to feel safe again, even if your thoughts are still catching up.
6. Say something kind to yourself out loud.
After an unpleasant moment, it’s easy to spiral into self-blame or embarrassment. Interrupt that loop by speaking directly to yourself—out loud, if you can. Even something like “It’s okay, that was hard” or “You’re not a bad person for feeling thrown off” helps change the tone.
Hearing your own voice in a gentler tone helps counter the internal noise. You don’t have to pretend everything’s fine. You’re just giving yourself the kind of response you’d give a friend. That counts more than it seems.
7. Reconnect with your body through gentle movement.
If sitting still makes you feel more stuck, try something slow and easy like stretching, swaying side to side, or taking a slow walk around the room. Movement helps release that nervous tension that builds up after emotional stress. It doesn’t have to be exercise; it just has to feel like a release. Something that reminds you that your body is still yours, and it’s allowed to move gently out of discomfort without forcing anything.
8. Give yourself permission to step away from people.
If you’re feeling overstimulated, drained, or just emotionally sore, stepping back from texts, calls, or conversations is okay. You don’t need to explain yourself in detail. Just a quick “I need a little space to recharge” is enough. You’re allowed to pause. Self-soothing sometimes means not having to show up for anyone else while you’re still catching your breath. You can come back when you feel more steady, and people who care will understand.
9. Do something mindless that feels comforting.
Watching a show you’ve seen ten times. Playing a silly phone game. Organising a drawer. These aren’t distractions in a bad way. They’re soft landings that help your nervous system recalibrate. Sometimes your brain just needs a low-stakes break. Give it that, without guilt. Comfort can look like background noise and familiar routines, especially when your system is still coming down from something uncomfortable.
10. Remind yourself that the moment has passed.
Unpleasant experiences can feel like they stretch on forever, but eventually, they end. Sometimes, you just have to gently remind yourself: it’s over now. You made it through. You’re here, in a new moment, and you can choose what comes next. It’s not toxic positivity. It’s a quiet nudge toward perspective. The event might still be echoing in your body or mind, but it’s not happening anymore. That small reminder can bring your nervous system one step closer to peace.
