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UnsplashRelationships are about building a life together, but it’s important not to forget the amazing person you were before “we” became your whole world. If you’re starting to feel a little lost, it’s okay to take a step back and rediscover what sets your soul on fire. Here are some signs you’re starting to lose yourself in your relationship — don’t let it happen!
1. Your closet has become a shrine to their favorite sports team.
Suddenly, you’re rocking jerseys instead of those dresses that made you feel amazing. Wait, do you even remember where your favorite outfit is? Time for a closet intervention. You know what else could help? Reclaiming one shelf as a “no jersey zone” just for your own awesome clothes. Even a small victory for your personal style feels awesome.
2. You haven’t listened to YOUR music playlist in ages.
When’s the last time you blasted your power anthems or those cheesy ’90s pop songs you secretly adore? Your playlist is starting to feel like an ancient relic compared to the endless loop of their favorite tunes. Break the cycle! Put on some headphones, crank up your tunes, and dance like no one’s watching (even if your partner is). Don’t underestimate the power of a 5-minute solo dance party to shift your whole mood.
3. Your friends are like, “Who are you again?”
Those Saturday night hangouts or spontaneous coffee dates? Poof, gone. It turns out relationships don’t come with a “Keep Your Friends” add-on, as Psychology Today remarks. Time to reconnect, stat! Text a friend right now, even if it’s just a silly meme to get the conversation flowing. And remember, just one coffee catch-up can make you feel way more like yourself.
4. You’re suddenly an expert on things you couldn’t care less about.
Fantasy football rosters? The intricate history of lawn darts? Yep, osmosis is real, especially when you spend most of your time with a super-fan. It’s okay to zone out sometimes, or better yet, steer the conversation towards something you do care about. Just be honest: “Okay, enough lawn darts, let’s talk about…” You might even discover they enjoy talking about something new, too!
5. The words “I used to…” come out of your mouth way too often.
“I used to love painting,” or “I used to be a hiking machine”… hmm, sounds like those hobbies have been replaced with “watching their hobbies”. Even small steps matter! Dust off those paints, find a beginner’s hiking trail, do ONE thing this week that used to bring you joy. And don’t worry about being “good” at it right away, just enjoy the process.
6. Your goals have mysteriously vanished.
Remember that dream trip, the career change, the pottery class? Yeah, they’re buried under a mountain of compromise and putting your partner’s needs first. Dig those goals out ASAP! Start with listing 3 personal goals – even if they feel tiny right now, it’s a start. Then, plan ONE tiny action you can do this week to move closer to just one of those goals.
7. “What do YOU want to do?” is a foreign language.
Date nights, takeout choices, even what to watch on TV—it’s all about their preferences. Time to reclaim some decision-making power in your own life. No need to be dramatic, just start suggesting one thing per day: “Hey, how about MY favorite pizza place tonight?” You might be surprised how good it feels to have your preferences met, even in small ways.
8. Your opinion slowly morphs to match theirs.
Are you agreeing to avoid arguments, or do you genuinely not recognize your own thoughts anymore? A little disagreement is healthy, Time Magazine points out, because it means you’re still an individual. Don’t be afraid to voice a different opinion… respectfully, of course. It might even spark an interesting conversation! Plus, it’s good practice standing up for your own perspective.
9. You say “yes” when you really mean “heck no!”
People-pleasing mode: activated. But here’s the thing, saying “yes” to things you resent only builds frustration for everyone involved. Embrace the power of “no.” Or, if that’s too scary, try a softer version: “I’m not up for that tonight, maybe next time?” Remember, it’s okay to put your own needs and well-being first sometimes.
10. “Alone time” makes you feel… guilty?
Needing a break to reboot shouldn’t involve a complex negotiation or excuses. Everyone needs space to be themselves, no guilt trips attached. Schedule even just 30 minutes of “me time”, mark it in your calendar, and honor it like an important appointment. Because guess what? Your relationship will benefit from you being a happier, more recharged person.
11. Your inner critic sounds suspiciously like your partner.
Ouch. If that voice in your head has started mirroring their put-downs or criticisms, it’s time for a serious reprogramming of your own self-talk. Try this: When a negative thought pops up, ask yourself, “Would I say that to my best friend?” If not, reframe it with kindness. Even catching yourself mid-negative thought is a massive win for your self-esteem.
12. You do that weird mirroring thing where you adopt their mannerisms.
Okay, a little bit is cute. But when you gesture, talk, even laugh like a carbon copy, it might be time to rediscover your own unique quirks. Next time you’re together, pay attention to your body language– are you truly relaxed, or mimicking them? It’s okay to let your natural expressions and speech patterns shine through.
13. You’ve forgotten what makes you, well, YOU.
This is the big wake-up call. Relationships are awesome, but losing yourself in them? Not so much. Time to rediscover what sparks your individual joy. Make a list of things you loved before this relationship – anything goes, no matter how small or silly it feels. Then start adding those things back into your life, one by one.
