No-one likes someone who says one thing to your face and another behind your back.
It’s a behaviour that makes it hard to trust the person and leaves a sour taste in everyone’s mouth. However, sometimes you don’t even realise you’re coming across that way, which is why it’s important to be a little more self-aware. Here are a few things people say that can unintentionally give off that “two-faced” vibe.
1. “I’m totally fine with it” (when you’re clearly not).
Saying you’re okay with something when you’re secretly seething inside is a classic two-faced move. It might seem harmless in the moment, but it builds resentment and can lead to passive-aggressive behaviour down the line. It’s always better to be honest about your feelings, even if it’s a bit uncomfortable. Remember, bottling up your emotions isn’t doing anyone any favours.
2. “I would never say that about you” (followed by a juicy bit of gossip).
This is a warning light signalling that gossip is about to flow. It’s a way to distance yourself from the negativity while still indulging in it. If you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, maybe it’s best not to say it at all. True friends lift each other up, not tear each other down.
3. “Let’s catch up soon!” (but never actually following through).
We’ve all said this with good intentions, but if it’s followed by radio silence, it can come across as insincere. It’s better to be upfront about your availability than to make empty promises. If you genuinely want to catch up, set a date and stick to it.
4. “I completely agree with you” (then changing your tune when they’re not around).
It’s natural to want to avoid drama and upset, but constantly agreeing with people just to keep the peace can backfire. It can make you seem spineless and untrustworthy, especially if you later express a different opinion to other people. It’s okay to disagree respectfully and stand up for what you believe in. People will respect you more for your honesty.
5. “You look amazing!” (followed by a backhanded compliment).
Compliments are lovely, but backhanded ones are anything but. Saying something like, “You look amazing! I would never have the confidence to wear something like that” can leave the other person feeling unsure and undermined. If you want to compliment someone, keep it genuine and straightforward.
6. “I’m just being honest” (as an excuse for being hurtful).
Honesty is important, but it shouldn’t be used as a weapon to hurt people. If you’re being brutally honest just to make yourself feel superior or to put someone down, it’s not really honesty; it’s cruelty disguised as candour. Choose your words wisely, and remember that kindness is always key.
7. “I’m so busy, I barely have time for myself” (while constantly posting on social media).
Claiming to be overwhelmed while simultaneously sharing every detail of your life online can come across as disingenuous. It can make people feel like you’re not being truthful about your priorities. It’s okay to be busy, but be mindful of how you present yourself to other people.
8. “I’m not one to gossip, but…” (followed by a juicy tidbit).
Source: Unsplash This classic disclaimer is often used to justify spreading rumours or sharing private information. It’s a way of distancing yourself from the gossip while still participating in it. If you’re truly not one to gossip, then don’t. Resist the temptation to share information that isn’t yours to share.
9. “I’m always here for you” (but disappearing when someone actually needs you).
Offering support is one thing, but following through is what truly matters. Saying you’re there for someone, then being unavailable or making excuses when they need you can be deeply hurtful. If you can’t be there for someone in their time of need, it’s better to be upfront about it than to offer empty promises.
10. “I don’t want to get involved” (when witnessing injustice or unfairness).
Staying silent in the face of injustice can be seen as complicity. It’s important to stand up for what’s right, even if it’s uncomfortable or inconvenient. Turning a blind eye can make you seem indifferent or even two-faced, especially if you later express outrage or concern in private.
11. “I’m just joking!” (after making a hurtful or offensive comment).
Using humour as a shield for hurtful remarks is a common tactic, but it doesn’t excuse insensitive behaviour. If someone is genuinely offended by your “joke”, apologise sincerely and learn from the experience. True friends know where to draw the line when it comes to humour.
12. “I’m not trying to be mean, but…” (followed by a harsh critique).
This disclaimer often precedes a cutting remark disguised as constructive criticism. If your intention is truly to help someone, focus on offering positive feedback and suggestions for improvement, not on tearing them down. Remember, kindness and empathy go a long way.
13. “I don’t remember saying that” (when confronted with a previous statement).
Source: Unsplash Denying something you said, especially if there’s evidence to the contrary, can make you seem dishonest and unreliable. Own up to your words, even if you regret them. It shows maturity and a willingness to take responsibility for your actions.
14. “I’m just playing devil’s advocate” (to justify expressing controversial or offensive opinions).
Source: Unsplash While healthy debate is important, using this phrase to voice harmful or discriminatory views is unacceptable. It’s a way of avoiding accountability for your words and dismissing the impact they might have on other people. Be mindful of the potential consequences of your words, and choose to engage in conversations that are respectful and inclusive.
15. “I’m so jealous of you!” (in a way that sounds more resentful than congratulatory).
Source: Unsplash Expressing envy in a way that feels more like a dig than a compliment can come across as two-faced. If you’re genuinely happy for someone’s success, let it show in your words and actions. Avoid backhanded compliments or passive-aggressive remarks that undermine their achievements.
16. “I’m not mad at you” (while giving someone the silent treatment).
Source: Unsplash Actions speak louder than words. If you’re giving someone the cold shoulder while claiming not to be angry, it sends mixed signals and can create confusion and hurt. If you’re upset, communicate your feelings openly and honestly. Avoid passive-aggressive tactics that only serve to escalate the situation.
17. “I love your [insert item], where did you get it?” (then buying the same thing to outdo them).
Source: Unsplash Expressing admiration for something someone owns, then immediately trying to one-up them by acquiring the same or a better version can be seen as competitive and insincere. Genuine compliments are about appreciating something unique about the person, not about sparking a rivalry. Celebrate their style without feeling the need to replicate it.
