Some people talk a big game about love, but their actions tell a different story.
While there’s no shame in lacking relationship experience, it can be tough to deal with if you’ve been through the ringer with previous partners while they’re blissfully ignorant of the realities of what a real relationship requires. If you’ve ever dated someone who seemed a little out of their depth, these signs might sound suspiciously familiar.
1. They think conflict means something’s wrong.
In their mind, a real relationship should be smooth sailing all the time. So when you disagree, they panic or shut down because they don’t understand that healthy couples argue and still love each other. You’re not looking for drama, here—you want growth. If someone expects zero conflict, they’ve probably never stuck around long enough to see what it actually takes to work through tension.
2. They expect constant excitement.
They treat love like a rom-com, believing every moment should be thrilling, romantic, or full of sparks. However, when real life hits and the routine settles in, they get bored or restless fast. Real relationships have slow days, quiet nights, and moments that aren’t particularly exciting. If they can’t handle the calm, they might just be addicted to the chase.
3. They think boundaries are a rejection.
When you ask for space, time, or simply clarify what you’re okay with, they act offended or assume you’re pushing them away. To them, boundaries mean distance, not respect. This often comes from inexperience. In a healthy relationship, boundaries actually bring you closer, not further apart. Sadly, that’s a lesson they probably haven’t learned yet.
4. They expect you to read their mind.
They think love means you’ll “just know” what they need, what’s bothering them, or when something’s wrong. If you don’t guess right, they sulk instead of speaking up. In real relationships, communication isn’t optional. It’s the core of everything. Mind-reading isn’t romantic—it’s unrealistic and exhausting.
5. They rush the timeline.
Two dates in, and they’re already talking about moving in together or naming future pets. It might seem romantic at first, but it often signals someone who’s more into the idea of a relationship than the reality of one. True connection takes time. If someone’s sprinting through milestones, it’s usually because they’ve never had to build a relationship slowly, with intention.
6. They treat your needs as “too much.”
Whether it’s reassurance, time, or emotional check-ins—if you ask for it, they act like you’re being needy or difficult. In reality, they’ve just never had to show up for someone consistently before. Meeting someone’s emotional needs isn’t a burden—it’s part of being in a relationship. However, they might not have learned how to show up in that way yet.
7. They think jealousy is love.
They treat possessiveness like passion. If you talk to someone else, they get territorial. They think jealousy proves they care, when really, it proves they’re insecure and unprepared for trust-based connection. Inexperienced partners often confuse intensity for love. But healthy relationships don’t come with a side of surveillance and suspicion.
8. They avoid tough conversations at all costs.
When something serious comes up, they vanish emotionally, or literally. They’ve never had to sit in discomfort or navigate emotional territory, so they just pretend everything’s fine. Real relationships require honesty, even when it’s awkward. If someone avoids every hard conversation, they’re still in a fantasy version of love, not the real deal.
9. They think saying “I love you” fixes everything.
They drop the L-word like it’s a reset button. Had a fight? “But I love you.” Feeling hurt? “Love conquers all.” It sounds sweet, but it’s often used to dodge accountability. Love is a verb, not just a feeling. Saying it means nothing without actions that back it up—and inexperienced partners often don’t realise that yet.
10. They treat your independence like a threat.
They want to be your whole world, and when you prioritise your career, friends, or hobbies, they act hurt. It’s not that they don’t care; it’s that they don’t understand balance yet. Healthy love allows room for both togetherness and individuality. If they can’t handle you having a life of your own, they haven’t learned what real partnership looks like.
11. They over-apologise or under-apologise.
Either they say “sorry” ten times a day because they’re terrified of conflict, or they never say it at all because they think admitting fault is weak. Both are signs of relational immaturity. Real relationships involve real apologies—the kind that acknowledge hurt, take responsibility, and lead to change. That’s something you only learn through practice.
12. They don’t know how to listen.
They interrupt, get defensive, or turn everything back to themselves. It’s not always malicious—they just haven’t developed the skill of truly listening to understand, not just to respond. Listening is a love language. If someone struggles with it, it usually means they’ve never had to do it in a committed way before.
13. They try to impress rather than connect.
They’re all about big gestures, flashy plans, and being the most impressive version of themselves—but it feels more like a performance than intimacy. Authenticity is what makes relationships feel real. If they’re always on a stage, they probably haven’t figured out how to just be themselves with someone yet.
14. They crumble under pressure.
Life throws curveballs—sick days, job stress, family drama. However, if they panic, withdraw, or ghost when things get real, it’s often because they’ve never had to weather storms with someone else before. Real relationships aren’t just about showing up when it’s fun. They’re about staying when things get heavy. That takes emotional stamina they might not have built yet.
15. They expect perfection, especially from you.
They hold you to impossible standards, get annoyed when you’re tired or quiet, and don’t know how to handle your off days. That’s not about you; it’s about their unrealistic expectations. Being in a real relationship means loving someone through their flaws, not in spite of them. If they can’t handle that, they’re not ready for the real thing.
16. They bail when things stop feeling easy.
As soon as there’s friction—misunderstandings, awkward feelings, unmet needs—they check out. They’re still under the illusion that love should be effortless, or that struggle means something’s broken. However, real love is forged in the moments that aren’t picture-perfect. If someone disappears when it stops being easy, it’s a clear sign they’ve never done the work that comes with the real stuff.
