People with narcissistic tendencies aren’t exactly going to come out and announce that fact proudly.
They’ve learned to be a bit subtler (read: more manipulative) than that over the years. Instead of obvious displays of ego, they quietly test the waters to find people who will offer consistent attention, admiration, or emotional reactions—known as narcissistic supply.
The key to avoiding this situation is noticing the red flags early on. When you’re aware of these behaviours, it’s easier to step back before you’re emotionally hooked. Here are some signs someone might be testing whether you’ll be easy to wrap around their little finger, and what that means for your relationship.
1. They give you intense attention, then suddenly withdraw it.
At first, you might feel flattered by their constant texts, calls, and compliments. They seem genuinely fascinated by everything about you, which can feel exciting and validating. Then, just as suddenly as it starts, they’ll pull away, leaving you confused and eager for their return.
That pattern is meant to test how strongly you respond to their absence. If you chase after their attention when it fades, it signals that you might be exactly the type of person they’re looking for: someone who will reliably give them emotional validation whenever they choose.
2. They constantly fish for compliments.
Narcissistic individuals crave constant reassurance and validation. Early on, you might notice they regularly make self-deprecating remarks or act insecure, encouraging you to praise and reassure them. It might seem harmless initially, but it’s actually a subtle test.
If you consistently feed their need for admiration, they’ll see you as someone willing to provide emotional fuel. What feels like supporting a friend can quickly turn into an endless cycle of needing to boost their ego.
3. They provoke jealousy to gauge your reaction.
One common test involves deliberately talking about other people who are interested in them, or subtly flirting with other people in your front of your face. This isn’t accidental; it’s purposely designed to see how strongly you react and how much you’re willing to compete for their attention.
If your jealousy surfaces easily, it shows them that your emotional state depends on their behaviour. From their perspective, this means you’ll reliably provide attention, reassurance, and emotional intensity whenever they feel bored or neglected.
4. They regularly share exaggerated stories about themselves.
When someone constantly paints themselves as uniquely talented, exceptionally misunderstood, or dramatically victimised, it can seem harmless at first, or maybe even entertaining. Of course, it’s usually a way of testing if you’ll consistently believe and validate their exaggerated self-image.
If you’re quick to accept their stories without question, it suggests to them that you’re someone who will feed their ego and protect their fragile self-image. Once they spot this tendency, you’ll become their go-to whenever they crave validation.
5. They subtly criticise you to see if you put up with it.
They might slip in small criticisms disguised as advice or concern, like telling you a hairstyle doesn’t suit you or questioning your decisions. At first, it might seem minor or even helpful, but this is often a subtle test to see how you respond.
If you accept these criticisms without resistance or start adjusting your behaviour to please them, they’ll view you as someone easy to manipulate and control. Your willingness to change yourself for them is exactly what they’re looking for.
6. They test your boundaries early and often.
Boundary-testing can be subtle at first: cancelling plans last-minute, calling late at night, or showing up uninvited. They’re watching carefully to see how much you’ll tolerate and whether you’ll prioritise their comfort over your own boundaries.
When you let these small boundary violations slide repeatedly, it signals to them that you’re unlikely to stand your ground. Over time, this pattern escalates into more significant violations, since they now know you’ll accommodate them.
7. They talk poorly about their previous relationships.
When someone frequently describes their exes as “crazy,” manipulative, or overly emotional, pay close attention. While it can seem believable at first, especially if they frame themselves as a victim, it’s often a sign they refuse accountability and will eventually speak poorly about you, too.
They’re testing your empathy and seeing if you’ll side with them unconditionally. Your supportive reaction indicates you might become the next emotional caretaker they rely on for constant validation.
8. They create unnecessary drama to see if you rescue them.
Narcissistic individuals often stir up conflict or exaggerate minor issues to see who jumps in to comfort or rescue them. They thrive on the attention that drama creates, and your willingness to get involved tells them you’re responsive to their emotional bait.
When you consistently jump in to help or mediate their conflicts, they know you’re someone who feels responsible for their emotional state. You quickly become their preferred emotional support, whether or not you signed up for the role.
9. They minimise your successes or good news.
When you share exciting news, do they downplay it or quickly shift the conversation back to themselves? Narcissists dislike attention moving away from them, so they’ll subtly test if you accept this imbalance without complaint.
If you tolerate having your achievements dismissed, it signals to them that you’re willing to let them remain the centre of attention. This habit can quickly destroy your confidence and self-esteem, turning you into an ideal source of narcissistic supply.
10. They consistently play the victim.
Narcissists often position themselves as misunderstood victims of circumstances or other people. At first, you might sympathise deeply with their tales of unfair treatment, feeling compelled to defend and support them. However, this victim role is carefully crafted to keep your attention focused on them. Your consistent sympathy and protective instincts tell them that you’ll reliably provide the emotional support they crave.
11. They test your willingness to apologise unnecessarily.
Someone testing your potential as narcissistic supply often makes you feel at fault, even when you’ve done nothing wrong. They’ll hint or suggest that you’ve hurt their feelings or misunderstood them, just to see if you apologise quickly. Your readiness to apologise indicates that you’re easily manipulated and eager to restore their comfort at your own expense. Once they spot this trait, they’ll use guilt to maintain control.
12. They push for emotional intimacy unusually quickly.
Rapid emotional intimacy—sharing secrets, traumas, or claiming a special bond early on—is another way of testing your susceptibility. It feels flattering and trusting, but it’s often a tactic to bond you to them emotionally. If you respond by opening up quickly in return, it confirms to them that you’ll be emotionally invested and available for their needs. That intense bond becomes a powerful tool for manipulation.
13. They test your reactions to rejection or withdrawal.
Narcissists often pull back suddenly or stop responding without explanation. This deliberate withdrawal tests how hard you’ll fight for their attention. Your reaction—whether you panic, chase, or reassure them—reveals your potential as an emotional resource. If you consistently chase after their attention, they’ll know they have emotional leverage. Your willingness to pursue them, even at personal cost, is exactly the dynamic they’re hoping to create.
14. They subtly isolate you from other people.
They might make small remarks about your friends or family, planting doubts about the people around you. This is done slowly, so you barely notice, but it tests whether you’re willing to put them first, even above trusted relationships.
If you start distancing yourself from other people based on their comments, you’ve unknowingly shown them you’ll prioritise their opinion above your own instincts. This isolation ensures they have total control over your emotional validation, making you ideal narcissistic supply.
