No child is “ugly,” but many kids grow up feeling as if there’s something (or everything) wrong with their appearance.
Maybe your parents were overly critical of the way you looked, or you were made fun of at school by cruel classmates who loved getting a rise out of you. Either way, that has a profound effect not only on how you feel about yourself at the time, but your ability to love, accept, and be confident in yourself as an adult. While you’ve hopefully begun to work through the trauma of feeling ugly growing up, you might be still carrying around a bit of baggage based on what you went through. If you’re truly struggling, don’t be ashamed to get help — it’s out there, and you deserve to feel good about yourself.
1. You struggle to accept compliments about your looks.
How do you react when someone gives you a compliment? If your first instinct is to feel uncomfortable or doubt their sincerity, you’re not alone. Years of being made to feel unattractive can make compliments feel awkward or even suspicious, as though they’re too good to be true. You might brush them off, deflect, or just not know how to respond. The thing is, accepting compliments is a small step toward seeing yourself in a better light. The next time someone says something nice, try simply saying “thank you.” It’s a simple change, but it can help change how you see yourself over time.
2. You constantly compare yourself to other people, and not in a nice way.
If you spent a lot of time feeling like you weren’t measuring up to other people as a kid, that habit can stick with you well into adulthood. You might constantly compare your looks to those of your friends, strangers, or even social media influencers. The problem is, those comparisons rarely make us feel good. Instead, they leave us feeling “less than.” Try flipping the focus back to what makes you unique. There’s no need to measure your worth against other people’s. Start appreciating your own qualities, and you’ll begin to feel more confident in your own skin.
3. You avoid looking in mirrors or photos of yourself.
If you feel uneasy about looking at yourself in mirrors or photos, it could be because of all those years of negative reinforcement. It’s not about vanity or being self-absorbed; it’s more about the discomfort of confronting a self-image shaped by criticism. It’s totally understandable if this feels tough, but little by little, try to spend time acknowledging your reflection or looking at photos with a gentler perspective. You might even consider taking a moment to appreciate your features rather than focusing on what you’ve been conditioned to see as flaws.
4. You feel the need to “fix” or hide your appearance.
When you’ve been made to feel ugly or unattractive, you might still feel pressure to “fix” parts of yourself, whether it’s through makeup, excessive dieting, or obsessing over filters and edits in photos. It can feel like you’re hiding the version of yourself that wasn’t considered good enough. While self-expression through style or grooming can be fun, it’s important to ask yourself whether these habits are coming from a place of insecurity or genuine self-love. Learning to appreciate your natural beauty might take time, but it’s an essential step toward healing those old wounds.
5. You really don’t like being the centre of attention.
Being the centre of attention might feel overwhelming if you spent your childhood hearing negative things about your appearance. The idea of all eyes on you can trigger feelings of insecurity, making you want to retreat to the background. Whether it’s avoiding photos, social events, or even public speaking, this fear can hold you back. But remember, you’re more than how you look. People value your energy, your personality, and the way you make them feel—your appearance is just a tiny part of that. Start with small steps to embrace being in the spotlight, and with time, you’ll build confidence in those moments.
6. You’re hyper-aware of flaws other people probably never even notice.
Growing up with negative comments about your looks can make you obsess over small imperfections — things like a freckle, a blemish, or a particular way your hair falls. Of course, most people don’t notice these things the way you do. Such hyper-awareness can make you feel like everyone’s staring at your so-called flaws, even though they’re likely not paying attention to them at all. Try to redirect your focus to the things you do like about yourself. Little by little, these imperfections will start to seem less important, and you’ll find more acceptance in the things that make you uniquely you.
7. You tie your self-worth to your looks.
Source: Unsplash It’s so easy to internalise the idea that your worth is tied to your appearance, especially if that was reinforced during your childhood. As an adult, this can show up as a constant pressure to meet beauty standards or a feeling that you’re not good enough if you don’t look a certain way. But the truth is, your worth is so much more than skin deep. Your kindness, intelligence, and resilience are what truly define you. Start redirecting your attention to those qualities that make you an amazing person, and you’ll begin to let go of the harmful idea that how you look is what matters most.
8. You feel insecure in relationships or social situations.
If you were made to feel unattractive as a child, it’s understandable that you might worry about how other people see you in relationships. You might be scared that your partner or friends will judge you the way everyone else did when you were younger. But remember, those childhood experiences don’t define your value in adulthood. You’re worthy of love and acceptance just as you are. Recognising these old insecurities is the first step toward letting go of them and feeling more secure in your relationships.
9. You remember specific hurtful comments as if you just heard them yesterday.
Some comments, especially cruel ones about your appearance, can stick with you for a long time. You probably remember exactly who said them and how they made you feel. But holding on to those words does more harm than good. Those comments don’t define you — they reflect more about the insecurities of the people who said them than they do about your true worth. Letting go of these painful memories can be difficult, but it’s essential for your emotional growth and self-acceptance.
10. You struggle with body image issues.
If your body was criticised when you were growing up, it’s likely that you still carry some of that pain with you today. Even if you’ve physically changed over the years, the emotional scars of those comments can make it hard to feel comfortable in your own skin. Healing your body image doesn’t mean ignoring those feelings; it means learning to treat your body with kindness and respect. Focus on what your body allows you to do and start appreciating it for all that it is, rather than fixating on its appearance.
11. You’re terrified of other people’s judgement.
When you’ve been criticised for how you look, it’s easy to assume that everyone else is judging you the same way. Your fear of judgement can make you overly self-conscious in social situations, and it might even stop you from pursuing new opportunities. The truth is, most people are far less focused on your appearance than you think. Everyone has their own insecurities, and the more you can let go of that fear, the freer you’ll feel to be your authentic self.
12. You’ve become a total perfectionist.
Trying to “fix” your appearance to meet unattainable standards often leads to perfectionism. You might obsess over every tiny detail, believing that only perfection is acceptable. This perfectionism can spill over into other areas of your life, creating unnecessary stress and making it harder to relax. Let go of the idea that perfection is the goal. Embrace the beauty of imperfection, and remind yourself that it’s okay not to be flawless — no one is.
13. You feel disconnected from your inner confidence.
If you’ve spent years internalising the idea that you’re not attractive enough, it can be tough to feel confident in yourself. Even when people praise you, it might not feel like their words truly sink in. Rebuilding your confidence takes time, but it’s totally possible. Start with small affirmations, surrounding yourself with people who lift you up, and celebrating your achievements. Slowly but surely, you’ll reconnect with that inner confidence and realise how amazing you really are.
