Being introverted is one thing, but sometimes, your preference for being on your own might be down to something more serious, such as social anxiety.
While introverts recharge best alone, they’re not usually afraid of social situations, nor do they overthink every little conversation and interaction they have. Social anxiety, on the other hand, creates stress, self-doubt, and avoidance. If you’ve ever wondered whether your need for space is just part of your personality or something more, here are some signs you might not be as introverted as you thought.
1. You want to be social, but the thought of it stresses you out.
Introverts prefer small groups over big crowds, but they don’t necessarily feel a sense of panic when invited somewhere. If you often want to see people but find yourself dreading it, overthinking how the situation will go, or feeling physically tense at the thought, that’s more than just introversion.
If this sounds familiar, try starting with low-pressure hangouts, like meeting one friend instead of a big group. Pushing too hard can make things worse, but gradually exposing yourself to social situations in a way that feels manageable can help ease the stress in the long run.
2. You replay conversations in your head and analyse everything you said.
Social anxiety makes every interaction feel like an exam you need to grade afterward. You might obsess over whether you sounded weird, if you said too much, or if people secretly judged you. Meanwhile, the other person has probably already moved on.
It helps to remind yourself that most people aren’t analysing you as much as you think. In fact, most people forget conversations the minute they’re over. A good trick is to ask yourself, “Can I remember the exact words my friend said last week?” If not, chances are they don’t remember yours either.
3. You assume people don’t actually like you.
While introverts might prefer a small social circle, they don’t usually doubt whether those friends actually want them around. Social anxiety, however, makes you question people’s motives, even if they’ve never given you a reason to. They could tell you to your face how much they love being around you, and you’d still think they were lying.
If you find yourself thinking, “They’re just being polite,” or “They probably don’t actually enjoy my company,” take a step back. Ask yourself what real evidence you have for this belief. More often than not, it’s just anxiety talking.
4. You avoid making the first move in conversations.
Introverts might not necessarily love small talk, but they’ll engage if the situation calls for it. Social anxiety, on the other hand, makes initiating conversation feel terrifying. You may fear saying the wrong thing, interrupting at the wrong time, or simply being awkward.
One way to ease this is to prepare simple openers—things like “How’s your day been?” or “That’s a great shirt, where’d you get it?” Once the conversation starts, it often flows naturally, but getting over that first hurdle is key.
5. You worry about what people are thinking about you the entire time you’re socialising.
Instead of being in the moment, social anxiety makes you hyper-aware of yourself. You overthink your body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice, trying to control how other people see you. This makes socialising feel like work instead of something enjoyable.
To fight back against this, flip your focus outward—pay attention to what the other person is saying instead of how you’re coming across. The more you engage in the conversation itself, the less you’ll overthink your own presence.
6. You dread phone calls and spontaneous plans.
Many introverts prefer planned socialising over sudden invitations, but social anxiety makes unexpected interactions feel overwhelming. A simple “Hey, want to grab coffee?” can send you into a spiral of excuses just to avoid the stress of an unplanned hangout.
If last-minute plans make you anxious, try telling yourself that you don’t have to stay long. Committing to just 30 minutes instead of a full outing can help ease the pressure and make spontaneous socialising feel less daunting.
7. You avoid eye contact in conversations.
While some introverts naturally don’t love eye contact, social anxiety takes it a step further, making you feel physically uncomfortable or exposed when locking eyes with someone. You might find yourself looking at the floor, glancing away too quickly, or fixating on an object nearby instead.
Eye contact doesn’t have to be intense; trying out brief glances, nodding as someone speaks, or looking at their nose instead of their eyes can help build comfort without feeling awkward.
8. You feel drained by socialising because you’re anxious, not because you need alone time.
Introverts recharge by being alone, but social anxiety drains energy in a different way, by making every interaction feel stressful. If you leave social events feeling more mentally exhausted from worrying than from actual socialising, anxiety may be playing a bigger role than you realised.
Learning to differentiate between needing rest and feeling overwhelmed by anxiety can help. If social events always feel like a battle, rather than just tiring, it may be worth exploring coping strategies like grounding techniques or relaxation exercises.
9. You avoid social events, even when you want to go.
Sometimes, you genuinely want to be part of something but find yourself making excuses to stay home. Whether it’s the fear of being awkward, not knowing how to interact, or just feeling overwhelmed by the idea of being around people, social anxiety can make you cancel plans before they even happen.
Try committing to just showing up. You don’t have to stay long, talk to everyone, or be the most social person in the room. Sometimes, taking that first step is all it takes to realise it’s not as bad as your mind made it seem.
10. You assume silence in conversations means people are judging you.
When a conversation hits a natural pause, introverts may enjoy the quiet, but people with social anxiety often panic, assuming the other person is secretly thinking something negative about them. Instead of assuming silence means judgement, remind yourself that pauses happen in every conversation. People aren’t analysing you; they’re just thinking about what to say next.
11. You struggle to say no, even when you want to.
Introverts value their alone time and usually have no problem setting boundaries. Social anxiety, however, makes saying no feel like a crime. You worry about disappointing people, making them mad, or seeming rude. Learning to say no with confidence, without over-explaining or feeling guilty, can help break this cycle. A simple “I can’t this time, but thanks for inviting me” is enough.
12. You assume people notice every little thing you do.
Whether it’s tripping over your words, dropping something, or laughing too loud, social anxiety makes you feel like everyone around you is keeping score of your every move. In reality, most people are too busy thinking about themselves to notice tiny things you do. When anxiety convinces you that all eyes are on you, remind yourself that nobody is paying as much attention as you think.
13. You avoid group settings because you feel invisible.
In a group, introverts may simply choose to listen more than they speak. But with social anxiety, it can feel like you don’t belong at all. You might assume people don’t notice or care if you’re there, making group interactions feel isolating. Instead of trying to be the loudest person in the room, focus on one-on-one interactions within the group. A single meaningful conversation can make a gathering feel more enjoyable.
14. You constantly worry you’re being “too much” or “not enough.”
Social anxiety makes you feel like you’re either talking too much, not talking enough, being too awkward, or not engaging enough. No matter what you do, it feels like you’re getting it wrong. Remind yourself that the people who like you, like you. You don’t have to perform, prove yourself, or mould your personality to fit in. The right people will appreciate you exactly as you are.
