Have you ever felt a little awkward in social situations, like you’re not quite sure how to navigate conversations or connect with people? You’re definitely not alone on that one — I feel that way all the time. We all have those moments, but if it’s a recurring theme, it might be time to give your social skills a little tune-up. Here’s how you know you’re lacking in the social intelligence department.
1. You struggle to make eye contact during conversations.
Looking someone in the eye is a basic way to show you’re engaged and interested, but it can be tough for some people. Maybe you feel shy, self-conscious, or flat-out uncomfortable with prolonged eye contact. However, constantly looking away or at your phone can make you seem rude or even dishonest, Psychology Today warns. Start by practising with people you trust. Try maintaining eye contact for a few seconds at a time, gradually increasing the duration as you get more comfortable. You’re not trying to stare someone down; you just want to make a genuine connection.
2. You tend to dominate conversations or ramble on without realizing it.
Source: Unsplash Hey, we all love to talk about ourselves sometimes, but it’s important to give other people a chance to share their thoughts too. If you end to monopolise conversations, go for active listening instead. Ask open-ended questions, show genuine interest in what people have to say, and resist the urge to interrupt or jump in with your own anecdotes. Conversations are supposed to be a two-way street, and being a good listener is just as important as being a good talker.
3. You often miss social cues or misinterpret what people are saying.
Source: Unsplash Sometimes, we’re so focused on our own thoughts and feelings that we miss the subtle signals people are sending us. This can lead to awkward moments, misunderstandings, and even hurt feelings. To improve your social awareness, pay attention to body language, facial expressions, and tone of voice. Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and consider their perspective. If you’re unsure of what someone means, don’t be afraid to ask for clarification. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
4. You don’t know how to start conversations or keep them flowing.
Source: Unsplash Starting a conversation can feel daunting, especially if you’re feeling shy or insecure. But remember, most people are happy to chat, especially if you approach them with a genuine interest in getting to know them. Start with a simple icebreaker or a comment about the environment you’re both in. Once the conversation gets going, ask open-ended questions that encourage the other person to share their thoughts and experiences. This gets things into more of a natural rhythm.
5. You feel awkward or uncomfortable in social gatherings.
Parties, networking events, and even casual get-togethers can feel like pure torture for someone who struggles with social skills. You might feel like you don’t fit in, or you worry about saying or doing the wrong thing. To ease your anxiety, try arriving early to mingle with smaller groups before the crowd gets too big. Focus on finding common ground with people, whether it’s a shared interest, a similar background, or a funny observation. Everyone feels a little awkward at times, so don’t be too hard on yourself.
6. You can’t express your emotions or opinions in a clear and concise way.
Source: Unsplash Sometimes, we have so much going on in our heads that it’s hard to articulate our thoughts and feelings clearly. This can lead to confusion, miscommunication, and even unnecessary drama. To improve your communication skills, practice expressing yourself in a clear and direct way. Think about what you want to say before you say it, and choose your words carefully, Headspace advises. Avoid rambling or going off on tangents. If you’re struggling to find the right words, take a deep breath and try again. Remember, communication is a skill that can be learned and improved with practice.
7. You find it hard to connect with people on an emotional level.
Source: Unsplash Building meaningful relationships requires more than just surface-level interactions. It involves connecting with people on an emotional level, sharing your feelings, and showing empathy for theirs. If you find it a struggle to connect emotionally, try practising active listening, validating people’s feelings, and sharing your own experiences in a vulnerable way. After all, vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. It allows you to build deeper, more authentic connections with people.
8. You tend to avoid social interactions altogether.
If you constantly find excuses to avoid social situations, it could be a sign that your social skills need some work. While it’s okay to enjoy your own company, completely withdrawing from social interactions can lead to isolation, loneliness, and missed opportunities. Start by setting small, achievable goals for yourself, like striking up a conversation with a cashier or attending a low-key social event. Gradually challenge yourself to step outside your comfort zone and engage with other people. Remember, the more you practice, the easier it will become.
9. Small talk is absolute torture.
Source: Unsplash Let’s be honest, sometimes small talk feels like pulling teeth. You might dread the inevitable questions about your job, weekend plans, or the weather. You might struggle to find common ground with strangers or feel like your conversations lack depth. But remember, small talk is just a way to break the ice and open the door for deeper connections. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to be witty or profound. Start with simple questions or observations, and let the conversation flow naturally. And hey, if all else fails, a genuine smile and a compliment can go a long way.
10. You have a hard time saying no.
Source: Unsplash Do you often find yourself saying yes to invitations or requests even when you’d rather not? Do you feel guilty or obligated to please everyone, even if it means sacrificing your own needs or wants? If so, it might be time to set some healthy boundaries. Saying no doesn’t make you selfish or rude; it simply means prioritising your own well-being. It’s okay to decline an invitation if you’re feeling overwhelmed, or to say no to a request if it doesn’t align with your priorities.
11. You’re overly self-critical and worry about what people think of you.
Source: Unsplash We all have moments of self-doubt, but if you’re constantly second-guessing yourself and worrying about what people think of you, it can be a major roadblock to social success. Remember, everyone makes mistakes, and no one is perfect. Try to focus on your strengths and positive qualities, and don’t be afraid to let your personality shine through. Don’t let fear of judgment hold you back from being your true self.
12. You find it hard to maintain long-term friendships.
Source: Unsplash Building and maintaining friendships takes effort and commitment. If you find it difficult to keep friends or feel like your relationships are always fading out, it might be a sign that your social skills need some work. Try to be more proactive in reaching out to friends, planning activities, and showing genuine interest in their lives. Friendships are a two-way street, and both parties need to invest time and energy to make them last.
13. You often feel lonely or isolated, even when surrounded by people.
Source: Unsplash You might be at a party, a work event, or even a family gathering, but still feel like you don’t belong. You might feel invisible, unheard, or simply disconnected from those around you. This feeling of isolation can stem from a lack of social skills or difficulty forming meaningful connections. It’s important to remember that you’re not alone in feeling this way, and there are steps you can take to overcome it. Try reaching out to friends, joining a club or group, or simply putting yourself out there more. The more you practice social interaction, the easier it will become.
14. You tend to avoid conflict or confrontation at all costs.
Source: Unsplash While avoiding unnecessary drama is a good thing, always running from conflict can be a sign of poor social skills. It can prevent you from asserting your needs, resolving conflicts, and building stronger relationships. Learning to navigate conflict in a healthy and constructive way is an important life skill. It involves listening to the other person’s perspective, expressing your own needs and feelings clearly, and finding a compromise that works for everyone involved. Besides, conflict is not always a bad thing; it can be an opportunity for growth and understanding.
15. You’re often told you’re “awkward” or “socially inept.”
Source: Unsplash If you’ve heard these phrases more than once, it’s worth considering whether your social skills need some attention. While it’s important not to let other people’s opinions define you, constructive feedback can be helpful for figuring out areas where you can improve. If you’re genuinely interested in improving your social skills, there are plenty of resources available, including books, articles, workshops, and even therapy. Social skills are like any other skill; they can be learned and improved with practice and dedication.
16. You feel like you have to pretend to be someone you’re not in social situations.
You might try to be funnier, more outgoing, or more agreeable than you really are, just to fit in. This can be exhausting and ultimately lead to feelings of inauthenticity and dissatisfaction. Remember, it’s okay to be yourself. You don’t have to be the life of the party or the most popular person in the room to be liked and respected. Focus on being genuine, authentic, and true to your own values and interests. The right people will appreciate you for who you are, not who you pretend to be.
