Your childhood experiences shape you in ways you might not even realise.
If you had a rough time growing up, those experiences don’t just magically disappear once you hit adulthood. They can linger, affecting your relationships, your self-esteem, and your mental health. If you’re not sure whether some of your formative experiences are still hanging around (and holding you back), see how many of the following “symptoms” you can check off.
1. You struggle with trust and intimacy
If your early relationships were marked by betrayal, abandonment, or inconsistency, it’s no wonder you might have trouble trusting people as an adult. You might find yourself holding people at arm’s length, always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Or you might cling too tightly, terrified of being left alone. Either way, your childhood wounds are making it hard for you to form healthy, secure attachments. Learning to trust again is a process, but it starts with acknowledging your past hurts.
2. You have a harsh inner critic
Did you grow up with parents who were overly critical or impossible to please? If so, you might have internalised their voices, creating a relentless inner critic who tears you down at every turn. You might find yourself constantly second-guessing your choices, berating yourself for small mistakes, or feeling like you’re never good enough. This self-criticism is a learned behaviour, not a reflection of your true worth. Learning to silence that inner critic and practice self-compassion is crucial for healing.
3. You struggle with boundaries
If your personal boundaries were constantly violated as a child, you might have trouble setting and enforcing them as an adult. You might find yourself saying yes when you want to say no, letting other people take advantage of you, or feeling guilty for asserting your own needs. Or you might swing to the other extreme, putting up walls and pushing people away. Learning to set healthy boundaries is a key part of reclaiming your autonomy and building mutually respectful relationships.
4. You have a hard time regulating your emotions
If your childhood was chaotic or emotionally volatile, you might struggle with emotional regulation as an adult. You might find yourself getting easily overwhelmed, lashing out in anger, or shutting down completely. Or you might numb yourself with substances or risky behaviours to avoid feeling anything at all. Learning healthy coping strategies and emotional regulation skills is essential for managing the ups and downs of life without getting derailed by your past.
5. You’re a people-pleaser
If you grew up in a household where your needs were constantly neglected or dismissed, you might have learned to prioritise other people’s happiness over your own. As an adult, this can manifest as chronic people-pleasing — saying yes to every request, avoiding conflict at all costs, and constantly feeling desperate for approval from other people. While being kind and considerate is great, sacrificing your own well-being for anyone else is a recipe for burnout and resentment. Learning to advocate for yourself is a crucial part of healing.
6. You struggle with decision-making
If your parents were overly controlling or critical of your choices, you might have trouble trusting your own judgment as an adult. You might find yourself constantly second-guessing your decisions, seeking validation from other people, or avoiding making choices altogether. This indecisiveness can hold you back in your career, your relationships, and your personal growth. Learning to trust your instincts and make decisions based on your own values and goals is a key part of claiming your autonomy.
7. You have a negative self-image
Source: Unsplash If you were constantly belittled, criticised, or compared to other people as a child, it’s no wonder you might struggle with self-esteem as an adult. You might find yourself focusing on your flaws, downplaying your strengths, or believing that you’re fundamentally unworthy of love and respect. These negative self-beliefs are a direct result of the messages you received growing up. Learning to challenge them and cultivate a more compassionate self-image is a crucial part of healing.
8. You have a hard time relaxing and having fun
If your childhood was marked by constant stress, chaos, or responsibility, you might have trouble letting loose and enjoying yourself as an adult. You might find yourself always on edge, unable to relax even in safe situations. Or you might feel guilty for taking time for yourself, as if you don’t deserve to have fun. Learning to prioritise play, leisure, and self-care is a key part of reclaiming the joy and spontaneity that may have been missing from your childhood.
9. You’re drawn to toxic relationships
If your early relationships were dysfunctional or abusive, you might find yourself unconsciously drawn to similar dynamics as an adult. You might be drawn to partners who are emotionally unavailable, controlling, or even violent. Or you might find yourself in one-sided friendships where you’re always the giver. These patterns are a way of replaying your childhood wounds, hoping for a different outcome. Learning to recognise and break these cycles is a crucial part of healing.
10. You have a hard time asking for help
If you had to be self-sufficient from a young age, you might have trouble reaching out for support as an adult. You might pride yourself on your independence, seeing asking for help as a sign of weakness. Or you might not even know how to articulate your needs, having never had them validated. But isolating yourself and trying to handle everything on your own is a recipe for burnout. Learning to lean on other people and accept help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
11. You’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop
If your childhood was unpredictable or chaotic, you might find yourself always bracing for the worst as an adult. Even when things are going well, you can’t shake the feeling that it’s only a matter of time before something bad happens. This hypervigilance is a survival mechanism you developed to cope with an unstable environment. But constantly living in fear robs you of the ability to enjoy the present moment. Learning to cultivate a sense of safety and trust is key to breaking free from this pattern.
12. You struggle with authority figures
If your parents were overly strict, controlling, or even abusive, you might have trouble with authority figures as an adult. You might find yourself bristling at any perceived attempt to control you, even when it’s reasonable or necessary. Or you might swing to the other extreme, being overly deferential and afraid to speak up for yourself. Finding a healthy middle ground — respecting authority while also advocating for your own needs — is a key part of healing from a childhood marked by power imbalances.
13. You have a hard time being present
If your childhood was traumatic or emotionally overwhelming, you might have learned to cope by dissociating or numbing out. As an adult, this can manifest as a chronic sense of detachment, as if you’re going through the motions but not really present. You might find yourself zoning out during conversations, forgetting important details, or struggling to connect with your own emotions. Learning grounding techniques and mindfulness skills can help you stay present and engaged, even when the past feels close at hand.
14. You’re a perfectionist
If you grew up with parents who had unrealistically high expectations, you might have internalised the message that you have to be perfect to be worthy of love. As an adult, this can manifest as chronic perfectionism — setting impossibly high standards for yourself, fixating on small flaws, and beating yourself up for any perceived failure. But perfectionism is a losing game, and it robs you of the ability to learn and grow from your mistakes. Learning to embrace your humanness and practice self-compassion is key to breaking free from this trap.
15. You feel like an imposter
If you grew up with a lot of instability or inconsistency, you might struggle with a chronic sense of not belonging as an adult. Even when you achieve success or acceptance, you can’t shake the feeling that you’re an imposter, that you don’t really deserve it and that someone is going to find you out. This sense of fraudulence is a common legacy of a childhood where you never felt truly seen or validated. Learning to internalise your own worth and accomplishments is a crucial part of healing.
