Do you ever feel like you’re just terrible at socialising?
Maybe you struggle with small talk, overthink conversations, or feel drained after spending time with people (even the ones you really like). However, that doesn’t mean the issue is that you’re bad with people—it could just be that you process social cues a bit differently from most people. Not everyone picks up on or responds to social dynamics in the same way, and that doesn’t mean you’re socially awkward or incapable. Here’s how you know that your social skills aren’t all that bad, it’s just how you process these situations that needs a bit more grace and understanding.
1. You need more time to respond in conversations.
Some people can jump into conversations instantly, but you might need a few extra seconds to process what’s being said before responding. It’s not because you don’t have anything to say; it’s just that your brain is working through the details before forming a reply. It can sometimes make fast-paced conversations feel overwhelming or leave you feeling left out. However, in reality, thoughtful responses can be more meaningful than quick reactions, even if people don’t always leave space for them.
2. You miss subtle non-verbal cues.
Social interactions are full of unspoken rules—raised eyebrows, slight shifts in tone, or a glance at the door to make it clear that they’re ready to leave. If you don’t always pick up on these, it doesn’t mean you’re socially unaware; it just means you focus more on words than on body language.
While some people instinctively read non-verbal signals, others have to work a little harder to recognise them. Paying attention to patterns over time can help, but missing them doesn’t make you bad with people.
3. You overthink social situations long after they’re over.
Do you replay conversations in your head, wondering if you said something wrong? Overanalysing interactions can make it seem like you’re socially awkward, but in reality, it just means you’re highly aware of how your words and actions affect other people. While it’s great to be mindful, try not to let overthinking convince you that a normal interaction was a disaster. Most people aren’t thinking about what you said nearly as much as you are.
4. You communicate better in writing.
If texting or emailing feels more natural than speaking face-to-face, it could be because written communication gives you time to process your thoughts. You don’t have to deal with real-time pressure or the unpredictability of a live conversation. Some people thrive in spontaneous chats, while others prefer structured communication. There’s nothing wrong with preferring one over the other; it’s just a different way of connecting with people.
5. You don’t enjoy or understand small talk.
Some people love talking about the weather, weekend plans, or TV shows they barely care about. That being said, if you struggle with small talk, it’s not because you’re bad at socialising; it’s because your brain craves deeper, more meaningful conversations. You might find it hard to fake interest in surface-level topics, but that doesn’t mean you can’t connect with people. It just means you thrive in discussions where ideas, emotions, and personal experiences take centre stage.
6. Socialising drains you, even when you enjoy them.
You might love seeing friends or attending events, but after a while, you feel mentally exhausted. This doesn’t mean you dislike people; it just means your brain processes social interactions in a way that requires more energy. Needing time to recharge after socialising doesn’t make you antisocial or awkward. You just have different limits, and that’s completely valid.
7. You find group conversations overwhelming.
Trying to keep up in a group chat, dinner party, or workplace meeting can feel exhausting, especially when multiple people are talking at once. If you struggle to jump into fast-moving discussions, it’s not because you don’t belong—it’s just how your brain processes information. Many people need time to fully absorb what’s being said before responding. You’re not bad at socialising; you just do better in one-on-one settings where conversations are less chaotic.
8. You struggle with eye contact.
Eye contact is often seen as a sign of confidence and attentiveness, but if it feels uncomfortable or unnatural to you, that doesn’t mean you’re socially inept. Some people find eye contact overstimulating, distracting, or just unnecessary for feeling connected.
If you feel more comfortable looking elsewhere while talking, that’s okay. There are many ways to show you’re engaged in a conversation, and forcing yourself to make eye contact when it doesn’t feel right isn’t always necessary.
9. You don’t always catch sarcasm or hidden meanings.
Sometimes, people say one thing but mean another. If you tend to take things literally or need clarification on whether someone is joking, it doesn’t mean you’re bad at conversations; it just means you process language differently. Direct communication is often more effective anyway, so there’s nothing wrong with preferring straightforwardness to subtle hints and indirect phrasing.
10. You hesitate to initiate plans or conversations.
If you often wait for other people to reach out instead of making the first move, it’s not necessarily because you don’t like socialising. You might just be overthinking whether someone actually wants to hear from you. Fear of being intrusive or saying the wrong thing can hold you back, but chances are, people would love to talk to you. A simple message or invite can go a long way.
11. You prefer structure in social situations.
Casual hangouts with no clear plan might make you uneasy, while structured events—like game nights, scheduled dinners, or planned activities—feel more comfortable. That’s not a lack of social skills; it’s just a preference for predictability. Some people thrive in spontaneous settings, while others enjoy knowing what to expect.
12. You’re highly empathetic, but struggle to show it.
Source: Unsplash Just because you don’t always react outwardly doesn’t mean you don’t feel deeply. Some people process emotions internally rather than expressing them in obvious ways, which can sometimes be mistaken for being distant or uninterested. However, if you’re someone who cares deeply but just doesn’t always know how to show it in the moment, that doesn’t mean you lack social awareness. Your empathy is still there, even if it looks different.
13. You struggle with sudden changes in social plans.
Source: Unsplash Last-minute invitations or unexpected shifts in plans can throw you off. It’s not because you don’t want to be flexible; it’s because you mentally prepare for social interactions in a way that makes sudden changes overwhelming. Needing time to adjust to social plans doesn’t mean you’re difficult. In reality, it just means you process events differently, and that’s completely valid.
14. You feel more connected through shared activities than deep conversations.
Some people bond by talking about their emotions, while others feel closest to people when they’re doing something together—playing a game, working on a project, or even just sitting in comfortable silence. If you prefer connection through shared experiences rather than long conversations, that doesn’t mean you’re socially disconnected. It just means you engage with relationships in a way that feels natural to you.
