You love your friends, and you wouldn’t trade them for the world, but is there danger hiding just under the surface?
When you’re close to someone and know them well (or so you think), it’s easy to overlook potential red flags or even miss out on problematic behaviours and qualities altogether because they don’t stand out to you. However, if there’s someone in your social circle who does these things, they definitely have narcissistic tendencies you’ll need to keep an eye on. While they might stop short of an actual clinical diagnosis of narcissism, their behaviour can be just as harmful and frustrating as someone who fits the DSM-5 definition of the condition.
1. They take over every conversation, no matter what it’s about.
Some people just can’t help but make every conversation about them. No matter the topic, they’ll find a way to steer it back to their latest achievement, drama, or opinion. It’s not just a one-off — it’s a consistent habit. You may find yourself feeling like you can’t get a word in without being interrupted, or like your thoughts and experiences don’t quite matter. A real friend shares the spotlight, allowing everyone a chance to speak and be heard. If you’re constantly overshadowed in conversations, it might be a sign that they value attention more than genuine connection.
2. Empathy feels like a foreign concept to them.
Narcissists often struggle with empathy. They might brush off your emotions or fail to show understanding when you’re going through something tough. Instead of comforting you, they may turn the conversation back to themselves or dismiss your feelings altogether. If you’ve found yourself opening up, only to be met with indifference or dismissive comments, it’s a strong indication that this friend might not have the emotional depth you’re looking for. Empathy takes effort, and when it’s absent, it can leave you feeling isolated and unsupported.
3. They expect you to praise them non-stop.
Whether it’s fishing for compliments or dropping hints about their latest accomplishments, they expect validation, sometimes in subtle ways, other times more overtly. If your friend constantly needs reassurance, or if they sulk when they don’t receive praise, it might start to feel like you’re walking on eggshells. Healthy friendships are built on mutual respect, not on the need for one person to always be the star of the show. Constantly needing to stroke someone’s ego can be emotionally draining, and it’s not something you should feel obligated to do.
4. They thrive on competition.
Ever notice how a simple chat about something good happening in your life can turn into a competition? Narcissists often turn friendships into a battleground where it’s about who’s doing better, who’s more successful, or who’s got the most impressive story. Instead of celebrating each other’s wins, they downplay your achievements or try to one-up you. Friendships should be about support, not constantly trying to outdo each other. If you feel like your friend is always in competition with you, it could be a sign they’re more concerned about their own ego than your well-being.
5. They avoid accountability.
Taking responsibility for your behaviour is vital in any relationship. But a narcissist? Not so much. If they’ve hurt you or other people, they’ll likely deflect, make excuses, or turn it around to make you feel guilty. Apologising might be a rare event, and even when they do, it often feels insincere. Their complete lack of accountability can create a toxic dynamic where you’re always left feeling like things are never truly resolved. Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect, which includes owning up to mistakes and learning from them.
6. They use their charm as a weapon.
At first, they might seem like the life of the party — charming, magnetic, and always the centre of attention. But if you dig a little deeper, you might start noticing that their charm feels a bit too perfect, as if it’s being used to manipulate those around them. Their kindness often comes with conditions, and it’s withdrawn quickly when they don’t get what they want. Watch out for this — what seems like warmth could be a tool for control, not genuine connection.
7. They exploit people for personal gain.
Narcissists tend to view relationships through a transactional lens. They use people to get what they want, whether it’s attention, resources, or social status, and they have little regard for the impact of their actions on everyone around them. If you’ve ever felt drained, taken advantage of, or like you’re giving more than you’re getting, it could be a sign your friend isn’t treating you with the same respect you give them. True friendships are built on give and take, not one-sided exploitation.
8. They don’t react well to even the most constructive criticism or feedback.
Try to give them a gentle suggestion or a piece of constructive criticism, and you might find yourself dealing with a full-on meltdown. Narcissists have a fragile sense of self and can’t handle anything that threatens their self-image. Even the most harmless comment can feel like an attack to them, and their reactions might leave you feeling guilty or walking on eggshells. Healthy relationships involve being able to talk openly and honestly, with both people feeling comfortable giving and receiving feedback.
9. They create drama.
Narcissists love to stir the pot. Whether it’s creating tension between friends, gossiping, or playing the victim, they thrive on the attention that comes from chaos and conflict. If you’ve noticed that a particular friend is always at the centre of drama, constantly creating tension or gossiping about other people, that’s a major red flag. True friends don’t thrive on drama — they prefer to build each other up, not tear each other down.
10. Their connections don’t exactly feel genuine.
While they might be sociable, you’ve probably noticed that their relationships feel a bit… shallow. Narcissists often struggle to form deep, meaningful connections because they tend to make things about themselves rather than focusing on mutual understanding and care. If you find that conversations with this person never seem to move beyond surface-level pleasantries or that they avoid being emotionally vulnerable, it might be time to take a step back and reconsider how genuine the connection really is.
11. They make everything transactional.
In the world of a narcissist, relationships are often about what they can gain. They keep track of favours, expect something in return, and even remind you of what they’ve done for you. If you’re constantly made to feel like you owe them something, even for the smallest gestures, it’s a sign they’re treating the friendship like a business transaction. Real friends don’t keep score! They offer help and support because they care, not because they expect something in return.
12. They need to be in control all the time.
Control is a huge issue for narcissists. They want things their way, all the time. Whether it’s manipulating group plans, dismissing other people’s opinions, or making you feel like your choices aren’t valid, they often make people feel like their voice doesn’t matter. True friendships are built on mutual respect, where everyone’s opinions and needs are valued. If you feel like you’re constantly being overruled or made to feel guilty for making your own decisions, it’s worth considering the health of that friendship.
13. Getting them to be happy for other people is like pulling teeth.
When someone is truly happy for you, it shows. A narcissist, however, finds it pretty much impossible to genuinely celebrate other people’s successes. They downplay your achievements, make passive-aggressive comments, or flip the focus back to themselves. If your friend can’t share in your joy without making it about them, it’s time to evaluate whether they’re really your cheerleader or just your competition.
14. They leave you feeling drained.
Spending time with a narcissist can be emotionally exhausting. Their constant need for attention, admiration, and control can leave you feeling emotionally depleted. You might find yourself questioning your own boundaries or feeling like you’ve just run a marathon after an interaction. Friendships should make you feel supported and energised, not emotionally drained. If you consistently feel worse after spending time with someone, it’s a clear sign that the dynamic isn’t healthy.
