If you’ve ever had a toxic boss, you know just how destructive they can be.
Instead of encouraging your growth, acknowledging your hard work, and treating you like a human being, they use manipulative tactics to override your boundaries and get as much out of you as they can. The worst thing is, it’s not always easy to tell when this is happening. However, if you notice these things happening, it definitely is. Time to update that CV and get applying to other jobs!
1. They normalise excessive work hours.
Your boss regularly email late at night or on weekends, creating an unspoken expectation to always be available. They praise people who work overtime while subtly dismissing those who maintain regular hours. Comments like “we’re like family here” mask their demand for constant accessibility. Setting clear boundaries becomes harder as these expectations gradually increase.
2. They use guilt as control.
Phrases like “we’re really counting on you” or “I thought I could trust you with this” become weapons of manipulation. They share stories about their own sacrifices, implying you should do the same. Personal guilt becomes a tool to make you take on more work. Your natural desire to be helpful gets twisted into an obligation to always say yes.
3. They isolate you from coworkers.
Private meetings become spaces for sharing “concerns” about your teammates or warning you about office politics. They assign projects that keep you working alone or separate from other people. Trust between colleagues ends up destroyed as they plant seeds of doubt about everyone’s intentions. Building workplace relationships becomes pretty much impossible under their influence.
4. They shift blame strategically.
When projects succeed, they take full credit, but when things go wrong, they point to your “oversights.” They create situations where you can’t possibly win, then frame failures as your personal shortcomings. Documentation of your mistakes appears in detail, while your successes go unrecorded. Every misstep becomes ammunition for future conversations about your performance.
5. They pretend to be your friend.
Personal questions and shared secrets create false intimacy that they later use against you. They offer advice about your private life while crossing professional boundaries. This fake friendship makes it harder to challenge their inappropriate behaviour. The line between professional and personal becomes increasingly blurred for their benefit.
6. They give impossible deadlines.
Last-minute projects become urgent priorities that “only you” can handle. They dismiss your concerns about timeframes while demanding perfection. Each rushed deadline leads to another, creating constant pressure. Your work-life balance disappears under the weight of their unrealistic expectations.
7. They twist your words.
Simple conversations get retold with completely different meanings in later meetings. They claim you agreed to things you never discussed. Your attempts to clarify lead to accusations of poor memory or communication. Written documentation becomes crucial as verbal agreements shift in their retelling.
8. They keep important information from you.
Critical details arrive too late, setting you up for mistakes or rushed work. They keep you out of important meetings, then criticise you for not being “in the loop.” Access to necessary resources requires constant begging and justification. Your ability to perform well suffers from this strategic gatekeeping.
9. They create constant uncertainty.
Your role and responsibilities shift without warning or explanation. Today’s priority becomes tomorrow’s waste of time. They keep you guessing about your standing and security in the company. This perpetual uncertainty makes you easier to control.
10. They shame you in front of other people.
Feedback that should be private becomes team meeting conversation topics. They ask loaded questions in front of other people, designed to highlight your flaws or weak points. Praise comes privately, while criticism arrives with an audience. These public displays discourage other people from supporting you.
11. They constantly move the goalposts.
Requirements change after you’ve completed work, making success impossible. Yesterday’s excellent work becomes today’s bare minimum expectation. They add new criteria to finished projects without extending deadlines. Your achievements never quite meet their shifting standards.
12. They weaponise positivity.
Valid concerns get dismissed as “negativity” or “not being a team player.” They demand enthusiasm for problematic situations. Phrases like “we need solutions, not complaints” shut down necessary discussions. Your legitimate issues get reframed as personal attitude problems.
13. They’re not shy about playing favourites.
Resources and opportunities get distributed based on personal loyalty, not merit. They create inner circles while excluding others from important conversations. Praise and recognition flow to their chosen few. This visible favouritism breeds competition and distrust among teammates.
14. They gaslight your experiences.
Your valid workplace concerns get dismissed as oversensitivity or misunderstandings. They deny saying things you clearly remember or claim events happened differently. Your confidence in your own judgment starts to waver. Trust in your own perceptions becomes harder to maintain under their influence.
