Social situations are full of little habits and unwritten rules that most people pick up naturally.
However, these same things can feel genuinely confusing to people with autism, who tend to experience the world a bit differently from neurotypical people. They’re not being purposely awkward, by any means. Instead, their brains just operate a bit differently, and that makes certain social norms a bit tougher to process and react to in a way other people deem “normal.” These are some of the most confounding and uncomfortable part of interacting with other people for many on the spectrum.
1. Making eye contact during conversations
Most people grow up hearing that making eye contact means you’re trustworthy and engaged. But for autistic people, maintaining eye contact can feel uncomfortable or even distracting. They might prefer to look away or focus somewhere else, not because they’re disinterested, but because direct gaze can be genuinely overwhelming or make it harder to focus.
The issue is that avoiding eye contact is often misread by everyone around them as rude or aloof, when really, the autistic person might be fully tuned in and listening carefully. This disconnect creates unnecessary misunderstandings. Something as simple as knowing that not everyone expresses attention the same way could help smooth out these awkward moments.
2. Saying “How are you?” without wanting a real answer
The classic “How are you?” greeting is everywhere, but it rarely expects a real, honest response. Most people just say they’re fine, even if they’re not. For people with autism, who often prefer straightforward communication, that kind of scripted interaction can feel confusing and pointless.
They might answer honestly or hesitate, unsure what kind of response is expected. Unfortunately, replying with real details might make people feel awkward or confused. A greeting that seems totally normal to most people can become an unnecessary puzzle for someone who prefers clear, meaningful exchanges.
3. Understanding when a conversation is supposed to end
Conversation endings rarely come with clear signals; they’re usually subtle and implied. For those on the spectrum, it can feel genuinely tricky to know when the conversation is naturally winding down. Without obvious signs, they might accidentally keep talking or leave abruptly at the wrong time.
That subtlety can create awkwardness, either accidentally overstaying in conversations or leaving people feeling rushed. Clearer signs or more direct phrasing, like simply saying, “It was nice talking to you,” can make things a whole lot easier. It’s not a lack of social skill; it’s just needing slightly clearer cues.
4. Getting jokes that rely on sarcasm or irony
Sarcasm can be tricky because it often depends entirely on tone and facial expressions, which aren’t always easy for autistic people to pick up quickly. They might take sarcastic comments literally, leading to confusion or awkward reactions. It’s not that they don’t have a sense of humour—they simply might find straightforward humour easier to process.
When sarcasm is misunderstood, it can lead to uncomfortable interactions or even make the autistic person feel left out of the joke. A bit more clarity or even a quick “I’m joking” can help avoid these moments, allowing everyone to enjoy the lighter side of conversations without confusion.
5. Knowing exactly when it’s their turn to talk
Figuring out the right moment to jump into a conversation is something many people with autism find genuinely challenging. Most conversations have a natural rhythm, but picking up on subtle pauses or signals isn’t always straightforward. They might interrupt unintentionally or stay silent, feeling unsure about when it’s okay to speak.
That can lead to conversations feeling stressful instead of enjoyable. Simply providing clearer openings or direct invitations to speak can help immensely. A bit of understanding from everyone around them can turn a potentially frustrating conversation into a comfortable, inclusive exchange.
6. Engaging in small talk without a clear purpose
Small talk can seem completely pointless if you’re wired to prefer meaningful conversations. Autistic people often find casual, superficial exchanges confusing or draining because the purpose isn’t obvious. They might wonder why people talk so much about the weather or weekend plans that no one really cares about.
That doesn’t make them antisocial. They simply need conversations to feel purposeful. If discussions feel random or forced, autistic people may quietly withdraw or feel unsure how to participate. Clearer topics or more meaningful small talk can help bridge this gap and make interactions feel worthwhile.
7. Smiling even when you’re not happy
People often expect others to smile during conversations, even if there’s no genuine reason to. For neurodivergent people, smiling for no reason can feel fake or unnatural. They might maintain a neutral expression simply because it feels more honest and comfortable.
Unfortunately, neutral expressions are often misread as unfriendly or indifferent, even when the autistic person is genuinely content and engaged. Understanding that smiling isn’t always necessary to show friendliness could help reduce unnecessary misunderstandings.
8. Picking up subtle changes in tone or mood
Conversations often involve subtle changes in tone or body language that signal changes in mood or intention. For people with autism, these tiny cues aren’t always easy to pick up or interpret clearly. They might not realise someone is becoming impatient or annoyed until things escalate.
That difficulty isn’t a lack of care or attention, just a different way of processing social information. Clear, direct communication helps greatly. A simple, calm statement about how you’re feeling makes conversations much easier and less confusing for everyone involved.
9. Knowing unspoken social rules without being told
Social situations often come with unwritten rules nobody ever explains, like how close to stand, when it’s okay to interrupt, or what’s appropriate to talk about. Autistic people often find themselves guessing, unsure what exactly is expected. Without clear guidelines, it’s easy to accidentally break these invisible rules.
Providing clear expectations or gently mentioning these social norms can reduce stress dramatically. Autistic people aren’t trying to break social conventions; they’re often just unsure what these conventions actually are. Clarifying expectations means everyone can feel comfortable.
10. Reading facial expressions accurately and quickly
Facial expressions convey endless messages in a fraction of a second, and interpreting them accurately isn’t always easy for autistic people. Expressions can be subtle, ambiguous, and rapid, making it hard to understand exactly how someone else is feeling.
Misreading someone’s expression can lead to misunderstandings or confusion. Clearer verbal cues, combined with patience, can prevent awkward moments. This doesn’t mean autistic people can’t empathise—they just might appreciate a more direct form of emotional expression.
11. Being expected to reply instantly in conversations
Immediate responses in conversation are often expected, but autistic people sometimes need more time to process and formulate their thoughts clearly. A pause doesn’t mean they’re disengaged. It usually means they’re carefully thinking about their response to give a meaningful answer.
People might misinterpret this hesitation as uncertainty or disinterest. Allowing a bit more space and time can create more rewarding conversations that feel less pressured and more thoughtful for everyone involved.
12. Keeping up with group conversations that jump topics
Group chats can quickly become noisy and unpredictable, with topics changing fast and multiple conversations happening at once. For autistic people, this situation can feel chaotic and overwhelming, making it difficult to participate comfortably.
Having clearer structure or taking short breaks to recap conversations can help enormously. Understanding that some people prefer orderly, clear exchanges can make group interactions feel less exhausting and more inclusive.
13. Giving “correct” reactions to bad news
When someone shares difficult news, most people instinctively know what reaction is appropriate—a sympathetic tone, an empathetic comment. For autistic people, knowing the “right” emotional response isn’t always intuitive. They might suggest practical solutions or become quiet to avoid saying the wrong thing.
Unfortunately, this well-meaning but unexpected reaction can be misunderstood as uncaring or dismissive. Realising that not everyone expresses sympathy the same way helps other people interpret these genuine attempts at kindness and support more accurately.
14. Understanding body language and personal space rules
Every social situation has subtle rules around body language—like knowing exactly how close to stand or how much to gesture. These invisible rules are rarely taught clearly, leaving autistic people guessing or worrying about accidentally breaking social norms.
A bit more openness and patience around these unspoken expectations could help significantly. It’s not about being socially unaware—it’s about needing clearer, simpler guidelines to feel genuinely comfortable. Understanding this could make interactions smoother for everyone.
