We all know that one person who seems to make everything so much harder than it needs to be.
Maybe it’s a coworker who argues about everything, a friend who drains your energy, or a family member who thrives on drama. Either way, they’re draining and really obnoxious, to boot. But while you can’t always change their behaviour, you can change how you handle it. Here’s how to deal with difficult people without getting dragged into their chaos (and losing your mind in the process).
Don’t try to fix them.
It’s tempting to believe that if you just explain things the right way, they’ll suddenly see reason. The thing is, difficult people often don’t want solutions—they want control, or a reaction, or to stay stuck. Trying to “fix” them just ends up frustrating you. Instead, focus on how you respond. You can’t change their personality, but you can keep your boundaries, protect your peace, and stop wasting energy on someone who isn’t interested in changing.
Set the tone early.
If someone has a pattern of being difficult, don’t wait for things to spiral before you speak up. Set a tone early in your interactions—be clear, calm, and firm about what you will and won’t tolerate. That doesn’t mean being aggressive. It means making it clear you’re not an easy target. People who like to push boundaries usually back off when they see you won’t play the game.
Stay neutral when they want drama.
Some people feed off reactions. They twist your words, pick at little things, and stir up conflict just to watch it unfold. Your best tool here is a calm, almost boring energy that doesn’t rise to the bait. Short, factual replies and an even tone make it less fun for them to wind you up. They want a show—don’t give them one.
Learn the power of “I’m not available for this.”
Not every conversation needs a polite exit. If someone’s being rude, manipulative, or combative, it’s okay to say, “I’m not available for this right now,” and walk away. You’re not obliged to engage. This works because it’s direct without being emotional. You’re not blaming, you’re not debating—you’re just opting out. Needless to say, that’s sometimes the healthiest move.
Keep your expectations low.
It’s easy to fall into the trap of expecting someone difficult to behave differently next time. However, if they’ve shown you who they are repeatedly, believe it. Lowering your expectations can protect your energy. That doesn’t mean being cynical—it just means not getting caught off guard every time they act exactly how they always do. It saves you disappointment and makes you harder to rattle.
Don’t explain yourself endlessly.
Difficult people love to drag you into long explanations, usually so they can argue with every part of it. If you find yourself over-explaining, it’s time to stop and take a step back. You don’t owe a full breakdown of every decision you make. State your boundary or point once, then move on. Let silence do the rest. People who respect you won’t need paragraphs of justification—and people who don’t, won’t listen anyway.
Use humour if it feels natural.
Sometimes, light sarcasm or a well-timed joke can take the heat out of a tense moment. It’s not about mocking the person—it’s about defusing the intensity and reminding yourself not to take them too seriously. Humour can also create distance. When you find a way to laugh instead of react, it stops them from getting under your skin. It’s a gentle form of resistance that keeps you grounded.
Stop taking things personally.
Many difficult people are the way they are with everyone, not just you. If they’re rude, manipulative, or condescending, it often has more to do with them than anything you’ve done. Reminding yourself of this can take the sting out of their behaviour. You’re not the cause—you’re just in their path. Once you stop absorbing their energy, their words lose power.
Don’t expect logical behaviour.
Source: Unsplash Trying to make sense of a difficult person’s actions can be like trying to do algebra with spaghetti. They might say one thing, do another, and then blame you when it backfires. Instead of chasing logic, look for patterns. What triggers them? When do they act out? Once you spot the rhythm, you can navigate it without falling for every confusing twist.
Give them less airtime.
If someone drains you, stop making them the main character in your life. Limit how much time you spend thinking or talking about them, even in your own head. The more energy you give them, the more they take. Move your focus to people who bring out the best in you. Difficult people lose their grip when they stop being the centre of your emotional landscape.
Don’t try to win.
Arguing with a difficult person isn’t about truth or fairness—it’s about control. The moment you try to win the argument, you’re already playing their game—and they’re good at it. Sometimes, the real win is walking away, staying calm, or not needing the last word. That kind of self-control is way more powerful than any verbal victory.
Put some physical space between you if you need it.
If someone’s constantly pushing your buttons, taking a break from them can reset the dynamic. That might mean leaving the room, not replying straight away, or even taking longer-term space if they’re consistently toxic. Distance gives you room to breathe and puts things into perspective. You can’t think clearly when you’re in the thick of someone’s mess—sometimes you have to step out of it entirely.
Protect your peace like it’s your job.
Dealing with difficult people requires boundaries, and that includes internal ones. You don’t have to engage, absorb, or carry the weight of someone else’s dysfunction. Your peace isn’t something they’re entitled to disrupt. It’s something you get to defend, unapologetically. That doesn’t make you rude—it makes you sane.
Recognise when they enjoy being difficult.
Source: Unsplash Some people genuinely enjoy the chaos they create. They like stirring the pot, watching other people react, and playing the victim when things backfire. It gives them a sense of power or control. When you understand this, their behaviour makes more sense—and becomes easier to sidestep. You stop reacting with frustration and start responding with strategy.
Don’t let them change who you are.
Source: Unsplash It’s easy to become guarded, short-tempered, or defensive when you’re around someone who’s consistently hard work. But try not to let their behaviour drag you down to their level. Stay kind. Stay clear-headed. Stay firm. The goal isn’t to out-manipulate them—it’s to stay true to yourself, even in the face of someone who makes that incredibly hard.
