Trusting people isn’t easy, especially when you’ve been betrayed or hurt before.
However, trust issues, when left unaddressed, can seriously mess with a person’s relationships and your life as a whole. Not only does it keep them from getting close to anyone or letting anyone into their life, but it makes them act in ways that can come off as paranoid, insecure, and even outright harsh. If you know someone who does these things, or if you’re guilty of them yourself, trust issues might be to blame. They can definitely be overcome, but that’ll take awareness, effort, and time.
1. They read way too much into what you say.
When someone’s got trust issues, they’re bound to overanalyse every little thing you say. Even casual comments can be dissected, as they wonder about your true meaning or whether there’s something you’re not saying. It often comes from a fear of being hurt or lied to, even when there’s no real reason to feel that way. For example, a simple “I’m busy today” might have them wondering if you’re avoiding them or hiding something. The key here is patience and being consistently clear in your communication. Over time, reassurance and honesty can ease their doubts and help them stop second-guessing your every word.
2. They never open up to you, no matter how long you’ve known them.
Opening up emotionally can be a huge challenge for people with trust issues. They might be afraid that if they show too much of themselves, they’ll get judged or rejected. As a result, they may keep conversations shallow or avoid talking about their feelings altogether. That doesn’t mean they don’t care or aren’t interested – it’s a protective instinct. Creating a safe, non-judgemental space helps them feel comfortable being vulnerable. Celebrate even the small steps toward sharing, and don’t pressure them to open up more than they’re ready to.
3. They test your loyalty.
They may set up subtle “tests” to see if they can count on you. It could be things like cancelling plans just to see how you react, or asking questions they already know the answer to. While it can be frustrating, that kind of behaviour usually stems from a deep fear of betrayal. The best way to handle this is by being consistent and honest. As they see that you’re reliable, these tests will likely fade, and trust will start to build. Just keep showing up and being dependable, and they’ll start to believe in your commitment.
4. They always expect the worst.
Having trust issues often means expecting things to go wrong before they even do. They might assume you’ll cancel plans or betray their trust, even when there’s no reason to think that. That pessimism typically comes from past experiences where those fears ended up being true. While it can be tough to deal with, staying patient and positive can help shift their mindset. Showing that not everything will end in disappointment can slowly change their outlook. With time, they might begin to see things a bit more optimistically.
5. They need constant reassurance.
People with trust issues often ask for reassurance a lot. Things like, “Do you really care about me?” or “Are you sure I didn’t upset you?” might come up often because they feel insecure about the stability of the relationship. It can get repetitive, but offering genuine, consistent affirmations helps build their confidence. Over time, as trust builds, they’ll likely need fewer reassurances and feel more secure in your commitment to them.
6. They have a hard time forgiving anyone’s mistakes.
Forgiveness doesn’t come easily to someone with trust issues. Even small mistakes can feel like huge betrayals, and they might struggle to let go of them. It’s usually tied to their heightened sensitivity to anything that might reinforce their fear of being hurt. When conflicts arise, be sure to take responsibility for your actions and show genuine remorse. Demonstrating that you’re willing to make things right and change will help rebuild trust over time. It takes patience, but it’s possible to get past mistakes and move forward.
7. They prefer handling everything on their own.
Someone with trust issues tends to be really self-reliant, often preferring to handle everything themselves instead of asking for help. They might feel that relying on anyone else will lead to disappointment or rejection. While independence is great, it can sometimes be rooted in fear. Showing that you’re dependable and encouraging collaboration can help them feel more comfortable getting support from other people. With time, they may start to trust people more and feel okay about depending on people.
8. They keep their social circle small.
Trust issues often lead to a tightly-knit social circle. They’re likely to keep a few close friends rather than letting new people in because it feels safer. They’re not being exclusive; they’re protecting themselves emotionally. Respecting their boundaries is important, but gently encouraging them to widen their social circle can help them feel more secure. Taking things slow and allowing them to connect with new people at their own pace can eventually help them build trust with other people.
9. They overreact to minor things.
Minor misunderstandings or small communication lapses can feel like major issues for someone with trust problems. They might see these moments as signs of betrayal or disrespect, reacting much more intensely than the situation warrants. Understanding that their response comes from a place of fear helps you approach these moments with empathy. Clarifying any miscommunication calmly and offering reassurance can help de-escalate the situation and remind them that they’re supported.
10. They refuse to let go of the past.
They often find it hard to let go of past wounds, so they might bring up past betrayals or hurts in every argument, even when it’s no longer relevant. Sadly, it just keeps them stuck in a loop of mistrust and pain. Acknowledging their feelings is important, but it’s also essential to encourage them to talk through those past hurts. Reminding them to focus on the present and future, instead of rehashing old issues, can help them start moving forward.
11. They don’t really share anything about their personal lives.
They tend to be cautious about sharing anything too personal, worried it might be used against them later. Their reluctance is all about protection – they’re trying to keep themselves safe from being hurt again. Creating a safe, judgement-free space to talk allows them to feel more comfortable opening up. When they share, celebrate those moments of vulnerability and give them the time they need to feel safe.
12. They avoid commitment.
Committing to someone or something can feel risky to someone with trust issues. They might hesitate to enter serious relationships or make long-term plans, fearing it could lead to heartbreak or betrayal. Patience is key here. Consistently showing that you’re dependable and respecting their pace will help build trust. Over time, they may feel secure enough to commit more deeply.
13. They constantly question people’s motives.
People with trust issues tend to doubt the motives of those around them. They may question whether people are being kind because they genuinely care, or if there’s some hidden agenda behind it. Demonstrating care without expecting anything in return helps break down their suspicion. Over time, as trust builds, they’ll start to see that not everyone has an ulterior motive.
14. Struggle to accept compliments or praise.
Getting compliments can be uncomfortable for them, so they might dismiss praise or feel like it’s insincere, questioning why someone would say something nice. Offering compliments with specifics can help reinforce that they’re genuine. For example, saying, “You did an amazing job on that project, your attention to detail really stood out,” makes your praise feel more sincere. As trust grows, they’ll start to accept the nice things you say to them more comfortably.
