Some people just can’t bring themselves to own up to their mistakes, and it’s exasperating to deal with.
We all mess up — we’re human, after all — but these people act like admitting fault in any way would be the end of the world. They point the finger at everyone else when things go wrong, shut down conversations when they’re confronted about their behaviour, and do all kinds of mental gymnastics to avoid accountability, and it’s incredibly frustrating. That’s especially true because people who treat personal responsibility like some kind of disease all tend to say the same things to worm their way out of trouble. These are just a few things that might sound familiar to you if you’ve dealt with someone like this (and let’s be real, we all have).
1. “Let’s not dwell on the past.”
This one might sound like they’re trying to be positive, but it’s often just a way to sidestep responsibility. By brushing things off as “old news,” they’re essentially saying they don’t want to deal with the mess they left behind. It’s an easy way to avoid having to explain themselves or take steps to make things right. The thing is, addressing the past doesn’t mean you’re holding a grudge — you’re trying to make sure that whatever went wrong doesn’t happen again. Skipping over that step can leave you feeling like your concerns don’t matter, and nothing ever really gets resolved.
2. “It’s just how things are done around here.”
Using this as an excuse is basically saying, “Don’t blame me; this is just the way it is.” Instead of taking responsibility for their choices, they pin it on the system or culture. It’s a clever way to blend into the crowd and avoid being called out. Sure, systems might play a part, but that doesn’t mean you can’t question them. Leaning on this excuse makes it clear they’re not interested in making changes, even if they know something isn’t right.
3. “You’re reading too much into it.”
This one’s a classic for dodging the actual issue. By telling you that you’re “overthinking” or “making something out of nothing,” they shift the focus away from what they did and make you question yourself instead. It’s a sneaky way to avoid the heat. That doesn’t make you guilty of “overthinking”; it’s pointing out that their actions have an impact, whether they like it or not. Shrugging things off like this just makes it harder to have a proper conversation and sort things out.
4. “I didn’t think it was that important.”
When someone says this, what they really mean is, “I didn’t care enough to deal with it.” They’re not admitting to dropping the ball; they’re trying to make it sound like the ball wasn’t worth catching in the first place. The frustrating part is, what seems minor to them might be a big deal to you. Dismissing things this way only shows they’re not taking your concerns seriously, and that can sting. It might not be important to them, but it sure is to you.
5. “I thought someone else was handling it.”
This excuse is all about avoiding responsibility by passing the buck. They’ll claim they assumed someone else had it covered, so it’s not their fault if it wasn’t done. It’s a way of saying, “Don’t look at me — I wasn’t in charge.” But here’s the thing: if something’s left undone, everyone shares the blame. Checking in and clarifying responsibilities is how you show you care about getting things right, not just coasting along.
6. “I was under a lot of pressure.”
Stress is real, and everyone feels it, but using it as an excuse doesn’t automatically clear you of accountability. When someone says this, they’re trying to make you feel bad for expecting more from them instead of admitting they could’ve handled things differently. Life gets busy for everyone, but owning up to mistakes, even when you’re stretched thin, goes a long way. Blaming stress instead of reflecting on how things could improve just keeps the cycle going.
7. “Well, no one told me I couldn’t.”
Ah, the loophole defence. This one says, “If it wasn’t explicitly forbidden, then it’s not my fault.” It’s a sneaky way of acting like they did nothing wrong, even if common sense should’ve told them otherwise. Rules can’t cover everything, but that doesn’t mean you can act however you like and then claim innocence. Accountability means thinking about what’s right, not just following the letter of the rulebook.
8. “I’m just following orders.”
This phrase is a classic for deflecting blame. By pointing to someone higher up, they make it sound like they had no say in the matter. It’s a way to dodge responsibility while still playing the victim of circumstance. Taking orders doesn’t mean you can’t use your own judgement. Passing off blame to someone else might feel easier, but it avoids the important step of reflecting on your role in the situation.
9. “Why didn’t you bring this up sooner?”
Instead of addressing the issue, this one flips the script and makes it your fault for not speaking up earlier. It’s a clever way to put you on the defensive and avoid dealing with the actual problem. Accountability isn’t about when the issue gets raised — it’s about how you handle it when it does. Bringing up the timing is just a way to dodge the bigger conversation. There’s no time limit for talking through issues, so don’t let someone gaslight you like this.
10. “You’re taking it the wrong way.”
When someone says this, they’re framing the issue as your misunderstanding rather than their behaviour. It flips the focus to how you’re interpreting things instead of addressing what they actually did. Misunderstandings happen, but brushing off concerns with this line doesn’t solve anything. Acknowledging the impact of their actions, even if unintended, is how you rebuild trust — not by acting like it’s all in your head. Sometimes impact is far more important than intention, and they need to accept that.
11. “It’s not like I did it on purpose.”
This one might be true, but it’s not the point. Just because their actions weren’t intentional doesn’t mean they didn’t cause harm. Using this line is a way of saying, “Since I didn’t mean it, I don’t need to fix it.” Again, intentions matter, sure, but they don’t erase the consequences. Taking accountability means recognising that even unintentional harm needs to be addressed. We all mess up, but accident or otherwise, we need to own up to it and make amends.
12. “Let’s just agree to disagree.”
On the surface, this might sound like a reasonable way to end an argument, but it’s often just a way to dodge the issue entirely. It frames the problem as a matter of opinion rather than something that needs resolving. When accountability is involved, agreeing to disagree doesn’t cut it. It’s important to dig deeper and address the root of the conflict, not sweep it under the rug for the sake of avoiding discomfort.
13. “It’s in the past, let’s move on.”
This one might sound like they’re trying to keep things positive, but it’s often a way to avoid facing the consequences of their actions. By insisting on moving forward, they skip over the accountability part altogether. Moving on is important, but it doesn’t mean ignoring what happened. Addressing past mistakes shows a willingness to grow and improve, which is much more meaningful than pretending they didn’t exist.
14. “I thought this wouldn’t be a big deal.”
Minimising the issue by saying it wasn’t a big deal shifts the blame onto the situation rather than their reaction to it. It’s a way of saying, “This shouldn’t matter,” without considering how it actually affects other people. What might seem small to one person can be significant to someone else. Acknowledging that is key to being accountable, rather than brushing off concerns as unimportant.
15. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Shutting down the conversation entirely is a direct way to avoid accountability. By refusing to engage, they prevent any progress or resolution, leaving everyone around them feeling stuck and frustrated. While everyone needs space sometimes, using this phrase repeatedly to avoid tough conversations shows a lack of willingness to take responsibility. Facing the issue head-on is the only way to truly move forward.
16. “I wasn’t the only one involved.”
This line is all about spreading the blame to avoid taking their share. By pointing out that other people were involved, they dilute their own responsibility and make it harder to hold them accountable. Accountability doesn’t mean taking all the blame— it means owning your part, even if other people played a role too. Deflecting to anyone and everyone else is a sign of avoidance, not responsibility.
