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UnsplashYou’re in a conversation with someone but your mind is a million miles away. Maybe you’re thinking about what you need to pick up at the grocery store, or you’re mentally drafting that email you need to send later — whatever it is that’s on your mind, it’s not the topic at hand. But here’s the thing: when you’re not really engaged, it shows, and people do some pretty strange things to try to cover it up. Here are some dead giveaways that someone is just pretending to listen.
The non-committal head nod
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You know the one. It’s that slow, rhythmic head nod that people do when they’re trying to look like they’re paying attention. But here’s the thing: it’s a dead giveaway. If someone is genuinely engaged in the conversation, their head movements will be more natural and responsive. That robotic head nod? It’s a sure sign that they’re just going through the motions and not really absorbing what you’re saying.
The glazed-over eyes
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When someone is really listening, their eyes are usually focused and attentive. But when they’re just pretending, their eyes can take on a certain glazed-over quality. It’s like they’re physically present, but mentally checked out. And if you catch them staring off into space or glancing around the room, that’s a pretty clear indicator that they’re not fully engaged in the conversation.
The random “mm-hmm”
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You’re pouring your heart out, sharing a deeply personal story, and all you get in response is a halfhearted “mm-hmm.” It’s like they’re not even trying to hide the fact that they’re not listening. And the worst part? That “mm-hmm” can come at the most inappropriate times, like when you’re sharing something really serious or emotional. It’s a surefire way to make you feel like your words don’t matter.
The abrupt subject change
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You’re mid-sentence, making a really important point, and suddenly the other person blurts out something completely unrelated. It’s like they were just waiting for a chance to jump in and steer the conversation in a different direction. And it’s not even a smooth transition – it’s a jarring, abrupt shift that leaves you wondering what the heck just happened. If someone does this to you, it’s a pretty clear sign that they weren’t really listening in the first place.
The phone check
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You’re talking to someone, and suddenly their eyes dart down to their phone. Maybe they even pick it up and start scrolling or typing. It’s a not-so-subtle way of saying, “I’ve got more important things to do than listen to you.” And sure, we all check our phones from time to time, but when someone does it in the middle of a conversation, it’s a pretty clear indication that they’re not fully present.
The fidgeting
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When someone is really listening, they’re usually pretty still and focused. But when they’re just pretending, they might start fidgeting – tapping their foot, playing with their hair, or fiddling with whatever’s in their hands. It’s like they’re physically incapable of giving you their full attention. And if the fidgeting gets really bad, it can be pretty distracting and make it hard to even carry on a conversation.
The interruption
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You’re halfway through a sentence, and suddenly the other person jumps in with a comment or question that has nothing to do with what you were saying. It’s like they were just waiting for a chance to talk, and they didn’t even bother to listen to what you were saying first. Interrupting is a pretty clear sign that someone is more interested in hearing themselves talk than in listening to you.
The blank stare
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You’re talking, but the other person is just staring at you with a blank expression. No nods, no smiles, no indication that they’re absorbing what you’re saying. It’s like they’re physically present, but mentally checked out. And if you ask them a question or try to engage them in the conversation, they might struggle to come up with a coherent response because they weren’t really listening in the first place.
The yawn
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Yawning is a pretty universal sign of boredom or fatigue, and if someone yawns while you’re talking to them, it’s a pretty clear indication that they’re not fully engaged. Now, to be fair, sometimes people yawn because they’re genuinely tired, but if it happens repeatedly or at inappropriate times (like when you’re sharing something really important), it’s a pretty good sign that they’re just not that interested in what you have to say.
The fake laugh
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You make a joke or share a funny story, and the other person lets out a forced, unconvincing laugh. It’s like they’re going through the motions of pretending to find you amusing, but their heart’s not really in it. And if the laugh is followed by an abrupt change of subject or a glazed-over expression, that’s a pretty clear sign that they weren’t really listening to your hilarious anecdote in the first place.
The repetition
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You’re explaining something, and the other person keeps asking you to repeat yourself or clarify points you’ve already made. It’s like they’re not even trying to follow along or retain what you’re saying. And if you find yourself having to repeat the same information multiple times, it’s a pretty good indication that the other person is just not that invested in the conversation.
The irrelevant response
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You pour your heart out, sharing something deeply personal or important, and the other person responds with something completely irrelevant or off-topic. It’s like they weren’t even listening to what you were saying, and just waited for a pause to interject with whatever was on their mind. And if their response is way off base or insensitive, it can be really hurtful and make you feel like your words don’t matter.
The phone hand-off
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You’re mid-conversation, and suddenly the other person hands you their phone to show you something. Maybe it’s a funny meme or a picture of their dog, but whatever it is, it’s a pretty clear indication that they’ve checked out of the conversation. And if they spend more time scrolling through their phone than actually engaging with you, it’s a sign that they’re just not that interested in what you have to say.
