Control freaks need to be in charge 100% of the time, even when it’s inappropriate or unreasonable for them to be.
Because they can’t bear not calling all the shots, they’ll go to great lengths to make sure things pan out that way. Of course, they’re not always blatant about it. Their control tactics tend to be subtler and fly under the radar, which makes them more successful and the people around them easier to manipulate. Here are just a few of the moves they pull to keep people under their thumb and to ensure they’re the ones controlling the narrative.
1. Using guilt to manipulate decisions
One of the most common subtle control tactics is guilt. By making you feel bad for not doing what they want, they pressure you into agreeing. It’s not overt, but it’s effective. Recognising when someone is using guilt allows you to set clear boundaries and avoid feeling responsible for their emotions or actions.
2. Playing the victim card
Some people are masters at turning every situation into a personal tragedy. By positioning themselves as the victim, they shift the focus away from the real issue and gain sympathy. What this accomplishes is making you feel sorry for them, which can cloud your judgement and make you more likely to give in to their demands. The best way to handle this is by staying objective and not getting caught up in their emotional drama.
3. Dismissing your opinions with subtle sarcasm
When someone uses sarcasm to belittle your opinions or suggestions, it’s a way of asserting control without directly confronting you. By making you feel small or foolish, they undermine your confidence and steer the conversation in their direction. Responding with calm confidence and standing firm in your beliefs can take away the power of this move.
4. Minimising your achievements to boost their own status
Some people subtly downplay your success while boosting their own. They’re not resorting to outright criticism, but they are trying to make you feel like your achievements aren’t worth celebrating. The key here is recognising this behaviour and not letting it affect your self-worth. Celebrate your wins and don’t let anyone dim your light.
5. Offering “help” that comes with strings attached
Offering help seems harmless, but when it’s done with the intention of gaining control, it’s a tactic. Their “help” often comes with hidden expectations that bind you to their needs later on. When someone offers assistance, be mindful of their motives, and make sure it doesn’t come with a long-term obligation that forces you to comply with their wishes.
6. Making decisions for you without asking
Sometimes people will make decisions for you, even if they don’t have the right to. Whether it’s planning events, choosing dinner spots, or even dictating your schedule, this subtly eliminates your autonomy. Recognise when it happens and take back control by politely asserting your preferences and making your own choices known.
7. Using flattery to manipulate you into agreeing with them
Flattery might feel nice, but when it’s used strategically, it’s a manipulation tactic. Complimenting you excessively can cloud your judgement and make you more inclined to agree with whatever they propose — that’s what they’re hoping, anyway. Be wary of excessive praise and remember to assess the situation objectively before agreeing to anything.
8. Avoiding confrontation by using passive-aggressive behaviour
Instead of saying what they really feel, some people use passive-aggressive comments or actions to get their way. It’s a way of controlling the situation without openly arguing. It might look like backhanded compliments or indirect criticism, making it hard to address head-on. The best way to deal with this is by calling it out calmly and directly, refusing to get tangled in the passive-aggressive web.
9. Holding back information to manipulate the way things play out
Sometimes, control is about what’s not said. By withholding important information, a person can manipulate the situation in their favour. As a result, it leaves you in the dark and often leads to decisions you might not have made if you had all the facts. Always ask for clarity and ensure transparency to avoid being manipulated by incomplete information.
10. Turning everything into a competition
Turning everything into a competition can subtly make you feel like you need to prove your worth. This toxic behaviour often comes from people who thrive on being seen as the winner. It can be emotionally draining and exhausting to constantly compete, not to mention totally unnecessary. Recognising when the conversation is veering into a comparison game lets you take a step back and disengage from the pressure to “win.”
11. Using silence to control the conversation
Silence can be a powerful tool in controlling situations. Some people use it to make others feel uncomfortable or force them to fill the void with whatever answers or actions they want to hear. If someone uses silence to make you uncomfortable, don’t rush to fill the gap. Instead, sit in the silence until they are ready to engage in a constructive conversation.
12. Overloading you with tasks to make you dependent on them
Some people will pile on tasks or responsibilities to make you feel overwhelmed. By doing so, they create a situation where you feel reliant on them to manage it all, which then makes it harder to say no or take a step back. The best way to handle this situation is by managing your own time effectively and delegating when necessary, without falling into a pattern of overwork.
13. Using guilt-trips disguised as concern
Another sneaky tactic is making you feel guilty for not complying with their wishes by disguising it as concern. Phrases like “I was just trying to help” or “I didn’t want to burden you” are often used to make you feel like a bad person if you don’t go along with their requests. Recognising these tactics allows you to confidently assert your needs without guilt.
14. Using your kindness to their advantage
Source: Unsplash Some people will exploit your kindness and generosity to manipulate you into doing things for them. They might take advantage of your willingness to help, often without reciprocating, which can leave you feeling drained and resentful. The key is setting clear boundaries and learning to say no without feeling guilty. Helping should be mutual, not one-sided.
15. Giving advice you didn’t ask for and don’t want to steer the situation
Source: Unsplash Unsolicited advice is a subtle way of controlling the conversation and shifting the direction in their favour. By positioning themselves as the “expert,” they subtly manipulate your actions and choices. While advice can be helpful, make sure you’re the one choosing whether or not to take it. Trust your instincts and don’t let anyone impose their so-called solutions on you.
