Sometimes, the people we think are friends aren’t really in our corner. It’s easy to mistake generosity for manipulation. Watch out for these red flags that might mean someone is taking advantage of you.
1. They’re always “forgetting” their wallet.
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Once or twice could be genuine forgetfulness. But if you’re constantly covering their coffee, lunch, or movie tickets, it’s not an accident anymore. It’s a pattern of relying on your generosity. A true friend will be embarrassed about forgetting once and make sure to pay you back, while a user sees it as a free pass.
2. Favors are totally one-sided.
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Happy to lend a hand now and then? That’s what friends do. But if you’re always the one driving, helping with chores, or offering advice, with nothing in return? That’s an imbalance worth addressing. Remember, healthy relationships involve give and take. If you feel your effort is constantly flowing outwards, it’s time for a frank conversation!
3. “Just this once!” (But it’s never just once.)
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They plead for an exception, promising it’ll never happen again. Yet somehow, those exceptions become the norm. This is a tactic to test your boundaries and see what they can get away with. Next time they use this excuse, be firm in your boundaries – a true friend will respect them, while someone looking to take advantage will keep pushing.
4. They guilt-trip you for saying no.
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Real friends understand if you can’t help out. Someone taking advantage will make you feel bad for saying no, manipulating you into prioritizing their needs over your own. Don’t fall for emotional blackmail! It’s okay to set limits and protect your own well-being.
5. Everything’s a crisis with them.
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Their car always breaks down right when they need a ride, or they have a last-minute “emergency” that only you can solve. Constant drama creates a sense of obligation. While it’s important to be there for friends, recognize when someone’s using crises to control you or exploit your kindness.
6. They disappear when you need help.
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You’ve been their shoulder to cry on, but when you’re going through a tough time, they’re suddenly busy or offer vague sympathy that feels hollow. This shows their support was conditional. True friendship is reciprocal. If your support isn’t being returned, it’s okay to re-evaluate the relationship.
7. Your gut tells you something’s off.
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Intuition is powerful! If interactions feel draining or leave you questioning their motives, don’t ignore it. Our brains often pick up on subtle cues that we don’t consciously register. Trust your instincts – if something feels wrong, it often is.
8. They minimize your efforts or contributions.
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You went out of your way to help, but they make it seem like no big deal or even criticize what you did. This makes you less likely to help next time and keeps them in a position of need. Don’t let someone undermine your value. Recognize your efforts and call out attempts to make you feel small.
9. They flatter you… a bit too much.
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Everyone loves a compliment, but if they’re constantly buttering you up before asking for something, watch out. It’s manipulating you into feeling like you owe them after the ego boost. If praise seems excessive and always seems to precede a request, it’s not genuine.
10. Plans always revolve around them.
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They pick the place, the time, the activity – always on their terms. This suggests they see you as a convenience, not someone whose preferences matter equally. Healthy friendships have space for compromise and consideration of both people’s needs.
11. Your conversations feel transactional.
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Catch-ups are rushed and focused on what your friend needs. There’s no genuine interest in how you’re doing, just moving the conversation towards their agenda. Real friendships involve mutual support and interest in one another’s lives, not just one person unloading or making demands.
12. They badmouth other friends behind their backs.
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If they’re willing to trash-talk others to you, chances are you’re not exempt. This shows disloyalty and that their niceties might be purely superficial. Pay attention to how they speak about others – gossiping indicates a lack of respect and potential for them to do the same about you.
