Everyone likes praise and acknowledgement — while it shouldn’t be necessary, it makes us feel like we’re on the right path and doing okay in life.
This is especially important for kids, who need positive feedback to feel confident, secure, and capable. When they do, they’re much more likely to be willing to try new things, they become more resilient in the face of failure, and they’re just generally happier and more self-assured. Sadly, if you grew up with parents who never had a kind word to say about anything you did, it can really leave a mark on you. While external validation isn’t everything, a lack of it from the people who raised you cuts deep, and you might have these issues as an adult because of what you went through when you were younger.
1. Your self-esteem could use some serious work.
Without that early reinforcement, believing in your own worth can feel pretty tough. You might grow up questioning your value, thinking you’re just not good enough. This doubt can cloud even your biggest accomplishments, making it hard to take pride in your successes. When there’s no one around to tell you your efforts matter, it’s easy to start thinking they don’t. Over time, that lack of validation takes its toll. It’s possible to rebuild your self-esteem, but it takes time and conscious effort to start seeing yourself in a more positive light.
2. You’re a bit of a perfectionist.
Sometimes, the pressure to be perfect is less about wanting to be the best and more about wanting to be noticed. If no one recognised your achievements growing up, the need to be flawless can become a coping mechanism. The constant drive to “get it right” stems from a deep desire to finally feel seen or acknowledged. Unfortunately, it can also create a lot of stress and even make you scared to try new things for fear of failure. Perfectionism doesn’t mean growth — it’s more about the fear of being ignored or judged. Letting go of that need for perfection and focusing on progress instead can free you up to enjoy the process rather than worry about the outcome.
3. You’re terrified of failure, even though you know it’s inevitable and healthy in small amounts.
Not being recognised as a kid can make any failure feel like confirmation that you’re not good enough. You might avoid trying new things or taking risks, fearing that one slip-up will reinforce those negative beliefs about yourself. The thing is, failure is a part of life, and it’s usually a valuable one. It’s how we grow. Learning to embrace mistakes as a natural part of the process takes time, but it opens up so many more opportunities and helps you stop seeing failure as something that defines you.
4. Compliments just bounce right off you — you can’t take them.
Getting a compliment can feel a bit awkward, right? It’s especially hard to take them in when you’ve spent so much of your life without hearing many positive things about your efforts. If you didn’t get much praise as a kid, hearing nice things from people might feel strange or undeserved. You might brush off kind words or feel uncomfortable accepting them. The real issue here is that you’ve probably learned not to accept anything less than perfection, so any compliment might feel like it’s not enough. But learning to accept praise graciously can be a big step towards recognising your own worth. It’s a small but powerful way to begin changing how you see yourself.
5. You’re always looking for other people’s approval.
If you didn’t get much validation early on, it can become a habit to rely on other people for it later in life. You might catch yourself constantly chasing approval, whether it’s from your friends, your partner, or even your colleagues. While it’s nice to be recognised, constantly looking for that external reassurance can leave you feeling drained or uncertain. Building your own sense of validation, independent of anyone else, is key. It helps you feel more grounded and secure in who you are without needing constant feedback from the world around you.
6. You’re not as excited for your wins as you should be.
Without a lot of recognition, celebrating your own success might not come naturally. You might feel like your wins aren’t worth mentioning or that they won’t matter much to anyone. Downplaying your own achievements robs you of the joy that should come from realising how hard you’ve worked. Taking the time to pause and acknowledge your successes, big or small, can help build the sense of pride you never learned to have. Changing your perspective can get you motivated again and remind you that you deserve to feel good about your progress.
7. You go out of your way to please other people, often at the expense of your own happiness.
As a kid, you might have learned that making everyone else happy is a way to get approval. Over time, that can turn into a habit of people-pleasing, where you put everyone else’s needs first, often at the cost of your own happiness. Unsurprisingly, it might leave you feeling drained or resentful, as you pour all your energy into making sure everyone else is happy. The problem is that people-pleasing doesn’t just hurt you; it’s also usually pretty one-sided. Breaking the habit starts with recognising your own worth and learning how to set healthy boundaries. It’s all about making sure your needs are met, too, so that the relationships you invest in are truly reciprocal.
8. You wouldn’t know what a boundary was if it smacked you in the face.
If you didn’t get much encouragement growing up, standing up for yourself as an adult can feel really tough. Saying “no” or voicing your own needs might feel like it could lead to rejection or conflict. Hesitating to assert yourself can quickly lead to overcommitting and burnout. Setting boundaries is definitely tough at first, but it’s absolutely essential for maintaining your energy and well-being. Practising assertiveness, even in small ways, helps you feel more confident in speaking up for yourself and creates healthier, more balanced relationships.
9. You tend to work yourself into the ground.
When your efforts weren’t recognised as a kid, you might overcompensate by working too hard as an adult, hoping that if you push yourself enough, someone will finally notice. But thinking like that often leads to burnout and leaves you feeling unfulfilled. Overworking isn’t the answer — it doesn’t fill the gap left by a lack of praise. The real key is finding balance. Learning when to step back and rest, alongside hard work, is vital for maintaining your happiness and mental health.
10. You don’t trust people to be sincere.
Source: Unsplash When praise and warmth weren’t exactly commonplace during childhood, it’s easy to question the sincerity of kindness from people, whether strangers or close friends. When someone offers you a compliment or does something nice, you might wonder if they really mean it or if there’s an agenda behind it. It can make it hard to connect with people on a deeper level. Rebuilding trust starts with recognising that not everyone’s kindness is a performance. It takes time, but opening up to the idea that people can be genuine helps you form stronger, more trusting relationships.
11. You feel like your achievements don’t matter.
When you’ve never really had anyone recognise your accomplishments, it’s easy to feel like your efforts don’t matter. You might brush off your achievements, big or small because you’ve never been taught how to celebrate them. That can make it tough to appreciate your progress or feel like you’re making a difference. Reframing how you view your own accomplishments — acknowledging that they do matter — can help change that mindset. It’s about learning to recognise the value in every step, no matter how small.
12. You have a lot of anxiety about meeting expectations.
If praise wasn’t part of your childhood, it’s no surprise that you might feel a constant pressure to meet other people’s expectations. Your anxiety can weigh heavily on you, making you feel like you’re never quite enough. It’s an exhausting way to navigate life. Focusing more on your own values and what you want to achieve can help ease that pressure. By shifting your focus from external expectations to personal goals, you can feel more grounded and at peace with your choices.
13. You struggle to feel “good enough.”
Source: Unsplash One of the most lasting impacts of growing up without much praise is the nagging feeling that you’re just not good enough. Whether it’s in your work, relationships, or day-to-day life, that sense of inadequacy can colour everything you do. Challenging this feeling takes time, but it’s totally possible. Start by practising self-compassion and recognising that you are enough. Over time, changing the way you think will help you feel more confident and content with who you are.
