Autistic people and neurotypical people experience the world in different ways, but the way their behaviours are judged often isn’t fair.
Many traits that are seen as “quirky” (or at the very least acceptable) in neurotypical people are labelled as problems when an autistic person does the exact same thing. These double standards exist everywhere, from school and work to friendships and relationships. Here are just a few of the ways autistic and neurotypical behaviours are unfairly judged. If you’re neurodivergent, no doubt you’ve experienced the frustration of many of these.
1. Being blunt is seen as confidence in neurotypicals, but rudeness in autistics people.
Neurotypical people who are straightforward and direct are often praised for being confident, assertive, or “telling it like it is.” But when an autistic person is just as direct, they’re often told they’re being rude, harsh, or inappropriate. The exact same communication style is judged completely differently depending on who’s using it. Autistic people aren’t trying to be mean; they just tend to communicate without unnecessary social fluff. Instead of assuming bluntness equals rudeness, it would help if people saw it as honesty, just like they do when neurotypicals speak plainly.
2. Special interests are called “obsessions” in those with autism but “passions” in neurotypicals.
When a neurotypical person spends hours talking about football, music, or a hobby, they’re seen as passionate and dedicated. But when an autistic person has a deep interest in something, it’s often dismissed as an obsession or fixation that needs to be managed. The double standard can make autistic people feel like their interests aren’t valid, even though they bring them just as much joy as anyone else’s hobbies. Instead of pathologising special interests, society should recognise them for what they are — sources of happiness, expertise, and creativity.
3. Social exhaustion in neurotypicals is valid, but in autistic people, it’s seen as antisocial.
Most people understand that socialising can be tiring, and it’s normal for neurotypicals to need a quiet night in after a busy week. But when an autistic person finds social situations exhausting and needs time to recover, they’re often called antisocial, unfriendly, or difficult. Autistic people aren’t avoiding socialising because they dislike people; they just process social interactions differently and need more time to recharge. Their need for solitude should be respected just as much as when a neurotypical person wants a quiet day.
4. Fidgeting is fine for neurotypicals, but a problem for people with autism.
Neurotypical people fidget all the time — clicking pens, tapping feet, or playing with hair — but it’s rarely seen as a big deal. When autistic people stim (like flapping hands, rocking, or using fidget toys), it’s often labelled as disruptive, inappropriate, or something that needs to be stopped. Stimming is a natural way for autistic people to self-regulate and manage their emotions. If fidgeting is acceptable for neurotypicals, then autistic stimming should be treated the same way — without unnecessary judgement.
5. Eye contact is optional for neurotypicals but expected from those with autism.
Neurotypicals aren’t expected to maintain eye contact all the time; many look away when thinking, distracted, or tired. But autistic people are often pressured to make constant eye contact, even though it can feel overwhelming, uncomfortable, or even painful for them. The reality is that eye contact isn’t the only way to show engagement. Instead of forcing autistic people to conform to neurotypical expectations, more acceptance of different communication styles would make interactions more comfortable for everyone.
6. Changing plans last minute is fine for neurotypicals, but unreasonable for autistics.
Neurotypicals often make spontaneous decisions and expect everyone else to go along with them. If plans suddenly change and someone struggles with it, they’re usually told, “It’s no big deal.” But when an autistic person needs structure and routine, they’re seen as rigid or difficult for not being able to adapt easily. Autistic people aren’t trying to be difficult; they just process change differently and often need time to adjust. If neurotypicals can be understanding about people preferring flexibility, they should also respect those who need predictability.
7. Taking things literally is funny for neurotypicals but frustrating in autistic people.
When neurotypical people misinterpret a joke or take something literally, it’s often laughed off as a funny misunderstanding. But when autistic people take something literally, they’re told they lack humour, social awareness, or common sense. Autistic people process language differently and often focus on what’s actually being said rather than implied meaning. Instead of treating this as a flaw, people could just communicate more clearly — after all, misunderstandings can happen to anyone.
8. Expressing emotions differently is “quirky” in neurotypicals but “inappropriate” in people with autism.
When neurotypical people react to things in unexpected ways, they’re often called unique or expressive. But when an autistic person’s emotions don’t match the social norm, like laughing when nervous or not showing much expression at all, they’re seen as odd, insensitive, or lacking empathy. Autistic people do feel emotions deeply, but they may express them in ways that aren’t always expected. Instead of assuming something is wrong, giving them space to express themselves in their own way would make things much easier.
9. Struggling with small talk is excused for neurotypicals, but a social skills issue for autistics.
Not everyone enjoys small talk, and many neurotypical people openly say they find it awkward or pointless. But when an autistic person struggles with it, they’re often told they need to work on their social skills or learn how to have normal conversations. The reality is that autistic people prefer meaningful discussions over surface-level chit-chat. If neurotypicals are allowed to dislike small talk, autistic people should be allowed to communicate in ways that feel natural to them, too.
10. Having high standards is respected in neurotypicals but seen as inflexible in people with autism.
When neurotypicals set high standards for work, relationships, or personal interests, they’re called ambitious or detail-oriented. But when an autistic person has high standards, especially when it comes to routines or personal expectations, they’re often labelled as inflexible or obsessive. Autistic people often take pride in doing things well and maintaining consistency. Instead of dismissing their standards as “too rigid,” people should recognise them as signs of dedication and focus.
11. Being independent is praised in neurotypicals but seen as “not fitting in” for autistics.
Neurotypical people who prefer doing things alone are often admired for their independence. But when an autistic person prefers solo activities, they’re sometimes treated as if something is wrong with them or told they need to be more social. Not everyone enjoys group activities, and that’s okay. Autistic people shouldn’t be pressured to conform to social expectations that don’t match their personality.
12. Having strong opinions is respected in neurotypicals but seen as argumentative in autistics.
When a neurotypical person has strong opinions and defends their views, they’re called passionate or assertive. But when an autistic person does the same, they’re often told they’re being difficult or argumentative. Autistic people enjoy deep discussions and often care a lot about their interests. Their opinions deserve the same respect as anyone else’s, without being dismissed just because they’re autistic.
13. Struggling with eye contact is understood for neurotypicals but judged in autistic people.
When neurotypicals are upset or anxious, people understand if they avoid eye contact. But if an autistic person does the same, they’re often criticised for not engaging or being rude, even when they’re struggling emotionally. Autistic people shouldn’t have to force eye contact when they’re overwhelmed. Respecting their comfort level can make interactions much less stressful for everyone involved.
14. Not following trends is “individuality” in neurotypicals, but “weird” in autistic people.
When neurotypical people choose not to follow trends, they’re often admired for being unique or having their own style. But when an autistic person doesn’t care about trends, they’re sometimes labelled as out of touch or socially unaware. Not everyone values trends, and that’s fine. Autistic people should be free to express themselves however they like, just like anyone else.
