By Book smarts are great, but it’s emotional intelligence that’s often the most valuable.
This means being able to identify and manage your own feelings, as well as read and empathise with other people’s. If you have a high EQ, there’s no way you’d ever say any of these things to anyone because you know just how rude, dismissive, and damaging they can be.
1. “It’s not a big deal” minimises people’s concerns.
When someone’s upset, telling them it’s “not a big deal” just dismisses their feelings outright. You may not think it’s a huge issue, but the other person clearly does, or they wouldn’t have brought it up. People with high EQ know to take a step back and say, “Why does this matter to you?” instead because it’s about validating their perspective and keeping the lines of communication open. It shows you care enough to understand.
2. “I’m terrible at…” becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ever hear someone constantly say they’re bad at something? They’re practically programming themselves to fail. High EQ people don’t limit themselves with negative self-talk. Instead, they’ll say something like, “I’m working on getting better at…” They understand the power of words in shaping mindset, and this little shift opens up space for learning and growth. Plus, it sets a positive example for those around them.
3. “That will never work” shuts down creativity and new ideas.
Nothing kills the vibe like someone shutting down your idea straight away. Someone with emotional intelligence knows to avoid squashing creativity — even if they’re sceptical. Instead of dismissing something off the bat, they’ll ask, “How can we make that work?” By reframing their response this way, they keep the conversation moving forward, showing they’re open to problem-solving, not just focused on what could go wrong.
4. “I don’t care” makes you seem indifferent.
We’ve all been tempted to say it, but it can come across as dismissive or even rude. People with high EQ won’t say, “I don’t care,” because they know it suggests disinterest or apathy. Instead, they might say, “I trust your judgement,” or “You decide, I’m easy either way.” It’s about showing respect for the other person’s opinions and making them feel like their thoughts matter — because they do.
5. “You’re so lucky” ignores all the hard work behind success.
When someone brushes off your achievements by saying, “You’re lucky!” it downplays the effort you’ve put in. Someone with emotional smarts knows that success rarely comes down to luck. Instead, they’ll say, “You’ve worked so hard for this — tell me how you did it.” It shows they understand and appreciate the grind behind the success and gives you a chance to share your story.
6. “I’m just not a people person” becomes an excuse.
Claiming “I’m just not a people person” is a cop-out for avoiding social growth. People with high EQ understand that while socialising may not come naturally to everyone, it’s a skill that can be developed. They’re more likely to say, “I’m working on improving my people skills,” because they know personal growth is possible. It shows self-awareness and the willingness to push out of their comfort zone.
7. “That’s not my problem” can damage team spirit.
Even when it’s true, saying “That’s not my problem” can make you seem unhelpful and detached. Emotional intelligence teaches people to be mindful of how their words impact teamwork. Rather than passing the buck, they might say, “I can’t take that on right now, but how can I support you in another way?” It’s about maintaining a supportive vibe while protecting your own boundaries.
8. “I’m too busy” can make people feel like they don’t matter.
We’re all busy, but throwing that in someone’s face feels dismissive. Someone with emotional intelligence knows that instead of shutting people down with “I’m too busy,” they could say, “I’m tied up at the moment, but let’s schedule a time to talk.” It acknowledges the other person’s request while being honest about your current capacity. It’s all about balancing being considerate with being realistic.
9. “You always make things so complicated” feels like a criticism.
Telling someone they complicate things just throws shade without offering a solution. A person with a high EQ knows to avoid this kind of blanket criticism because it’s not helpful. Instead, they might say, “What if we looked at this from a different angle?” This approach invites collaboration and focuses on solving the issue together rather than criticising the other person’s approach.
10. “I’ll try” comes across as non-committal.
Saying “I’ll try” sometimes feels like you’re not fully committing to a task. People with high emotional intelligence know that setting clear expectations is better. Instead, they’d say, “I’ll do my best to get this done, but I’ll keep you updated if something changes.” It shows commitment and transparency, while also leaving room for flexibility if things don’t go as planned.
11. “That’s not how I would do it” can stifle creativity.
We all have our ways of doing things, but that doesn’t mean someone else’s method is wrong. Emotionally intelligent people know to avoid sounding like a know-it-all. Instead of saying, “That’s not how I’d do it,” they might ask, “What’s your thinking behind this approach?” It respects the other person’s process and could open up new ideas you hadn’t considered.
12. “I’m sorry you feel that way” isn’t really an apology.
It sounds like an apology, but “I’m sorry you feel that way” shifts responsibility and can feel insincere. A person with high EQ knows how important genuine apologies are for maintaining trust. Instead, they’d say something like, “I’m sorry for my part in this. Let’s talk about how to make things better.” This shows real accountability and a desire to fix the issue.
13. “It’s fine” when it clearly isn’t fine just avoids conflict.
Source: Unsplash Saying “It’s fine” when it clearly isn’t doesn’t fool anyone. Someone with emotional intelligence knows it’s better to be upfront. Instead of brushing off their feelings, they’ll say, “I’m actually feeling a bit off about this. Can we talk?” This opens the door for a real conversation and the chance to resolve the underlying issue rather than letting it fester.
14. “You should” feels like unsolicited advice.
Source: Unsplash Giving advice is great—when it’s asked for. Saying “You should” can come across as bossy or preachy. Emotionally smart people know to tread lightly when offering help. Instead of “You should,” they might say, “Have you considered…?” or “What do you think about…?” This approach is gentler and respects the other person’s ability to make their own decisions.
15. “I know exactly how you feel” can minimise someone’s experience.
Even if you’ve gone through something similar, saying “I know exactly how you feel” can make someone feel like their experience isn’t unique. A person with high EQ knows better. They’re more likely to say, “That sounds really tough—do you want to talk about it?” This response offers empathy without assuming you fully understand what they’re going through.
16. “Let’s just move on” leaves things unresolved.
Brushing conflict under the rug might seem like an easy way out, but it often leaves issues simmering beneath the surface. People with emotional intelligence know it’s better to resolve things. Instead of saying, “Let’s just move on,” they might suggest, “I think we should revisit this when we’re both ready. Can we schedule some time to talk later?” This way, they show a willingness to sort things out, rather than letting tensions build up.
