You may think you’re giving your kid the best start in life by managing their every move, but think again. Overparenting can actually prevent children from developing essential life skills. Don’t believe us? Here are some of the surprising ways that doing too much for your kids might be setting them up for challenges as they grow older.
1. Overparented kids struggle to develop a sense of independence.
When parents constantly swoop in to solve problems, tie shoes, or make decisions for their children, kids miss out on crucial opportunities to gain autonomy. This can lead to them feeling helpless, indecisive, and dependent on others long past the age where they should be handling tasks on their own. Without the chance to make mistakes independently, they don’t develop the confidence in their own abilities to tackle life’s challenges.
2. They have difficulty with problem-solving and dealing with frustration.
Kids need to mess up sometimes. When parents constantly intervene or shield them from any inconvenience, kids don’t learn how to troubleshoot problems independently. They grow frustrated easily when they encounter obstacles and might give up rather than attempt to find creative solutions on their own. Without the resilience built through overcoming challenges, they may struggle to cope with even minor frustrations as they get older.
3. Overparented children often have underdeveloped risk-assessment skills.
Part of growing up is learning to assess risks and make safe but independent choices. Overparented children don’t get enough practice with this essential life skill. With well-intentioned parents always hovering with warnings like “You’ll fall” or “That’s dangerous,” kids become overly cautious or may even engage in risky behaviors as teens due to an underdeveloped sense of reasonable risk-taking.
4. They may lack a sense of intrinsic motivation.
When kids are constantly pushed into activities by their parents, showered with praise for even minor accomplishments, or bribed with rewards, they stop doing things for their own internal enjoyment. Overparented kids often grow dependent on external validation to feel driven. This can hinder them from finding activities they truly love and may make them lose the joy of accomplishment for its own sake.
5. Constantly being micromanaged leads to anxiety in overparented kids.
Parents who hover anxiously or constantly try to control every aspect of their child’s life often transmit their own anxieties onto their kids. Children become afraid to make mistakes and may develop a crippling perfectionist streak out of fear of disappointing their parents. This type of environment often leads to high levels of anxiety and a fear of failure, which hinders both learning and happiness in the long run, as NYU Langone explains.
6. Overparented kids can struggle with setting healthy boundaries.
Children who are accustomed to parents managing their every move may find it difficult to say “no” to either their parents or others later in life. They might struggle to enforce boundaries with friends, partners, or even bosses, due to a lack of understanding and experience asserting their own needs. This can create imbalance in future relationships and make them more susceptible to being taken advantage of by others.
7. They can develop a sense of entitlement.
When kids always get their way and are rarely faced with the word “no,” they may grow up with an unrealistic expectation that the world should bend to their every desire. This sense of entitlement can lead to major disappointments and interpersonal issues when they realize life doesn’t always cater to their whims. Overparented children often have difficulty understanding that compromise and cooperation are necessary parts of navigating any healthy relationship.
8. Overparenting can hinder creativity and a sense of playfulness.
Kids learn so much through unstructured play! Yet, when parents overschedule them, micromanage their playtime, or worry too much about kids just “wasting time,” they stifle their child’s sense of creativity and imagination. Childhood should involve space for exploring the world, experimenting, and making up games without constant adult intervention. This fosters a playful approach to life that is linked to better creativity and problem-solving skills.
9. Overparented kids might struggle with self-esteem and self-worth.
While excessive praise might seem like a way to build a child’s confidence, it often backfires. Kids who are constantly told they’re the best and brightest develop a fragile sense of self that requires continuous external validation. True self-esteem comes from facing challenges, celebrating growth, and taking ownership of both successes and failures. Kids who don’t go through this process may end up insecure and afraid to pursue things where they aren’t immediately guaranteed success.
10. It can damage the parent-child relationship over time.
While well-intentioned, overparenting often leads to resentment. Kids may feel smothered or begin to believe their parents don’t trust them to handle anything on their own. This can create tension and strain during adolescence as teens naturally crave growing independence, potentially damaging the parent-child bond for years to come.
11. Overparented children may struggle more with transitions into adulthood.
Young adults who have had most of their choices made for them tend to feel overwhelmed when suddenly faced with true adult responsibilities. Picking a college major, deciding where to live, managing their own finances, and even navigating complex social situations can be extra difficult when they haven’t had the practice at gradual independence during childhood.
12. They may experience burnout at a younger age.
With parents pushing them into rigorous academic schedules, multiple extracurricular activities, and constantly aiming for unrealistic perfection, overparented children are at higher risk for burnout, per Psychology Today. The constant pressure to excel can leave them feeling chronically drained, anxious, and disillusioned, impacting their mental health into adulthood.
13. Overparenting can really mess up a child’s overall sense of purpose.
Always having parents telling them what to do, how to think, and what path to follow can leave kids feeling like they have no true internal compass of their own. They might struggle to answer the question, “What do I actually want?”. This lack of self-awareness can create dissatisfaction and a feeling of floating through life with no sense of direction.
