At some point, we’ve all found ourselves caught up in a relationship, trying to make it work, and somehow losing ourselves in the process.
But there are certain things you should never, ever do for a man, no matter how much you love him. These are non-negotiable. Don’t try to justify or rationalise them. Just don’t do them, period. Your self-respect and well-being are too important.
1. Change who you are
Never change your core values, beliefs, or personality for a man. If he doesn’t appreciate and love you for who you really are, he’s not the one. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not or hide parts of yourself to please him. A relationship built on lies and fakeness won’t last. Be authentically you and find a partner who embraces and adores the real you, quirks and all. Changing yourself will only lead to resentment.
2. Give up your dreams
Your dreams, goals, and ambitions are a vital part of who you are. Don’t put them on the back burner for a man or give them up entirely. A supportive partner will encourage you to go after your dreams, not hold you back from them. If he asks you to sacrifice your dreams for his, or belittles your goals, run, don’t walk away from that relationship. Keep pursuing your passions and find someone who cheers you on.
3. Tolerate abuse
This should go without saying, but never ever tolerate any form of abuse from a partner — physical, emotional, verbal, financial, or otherwise. Don’t make excuses for his behaviour, blame yourself, or keep giving him more chances. Abuse is never acceptable under any circumstances. Get out of that situation immediately and seek help and support. You deserve to feel safe, respected, and valued. No man is worth sacrificing your safety and well-being for.
4. Neglect your friendships
Don’t become one of those women who disappears when she gets a boyfriend. Your friendships are precious and an essential support system. Maintain your friendships and make time for your girlfriends, even when you’re in a relationship. Don’t cancel on them last minute or always prioritise him. A good man will respect your friendships and make an effort to get to know your friends too. Ditching your girls for a guy is never a good look.
5. Play mommy
You’re his girlfriend, not his mother or maid. Don’t take on the role of cooking, cleaning, and picking up after him like he’s a helpless child. He’s a grown man capable of taking care of himself. It’s one thing to do nice things for each other and share household duties. It’s another to become his servant at the expense of your own needs. A true partner will pull his weight and contribute without being mothered.
6. Sacrifice your self-care
Self-care isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. Don’t stop taking care of yourself, pursuing your hobbies, or having me-time because you’re so focused on him and the relationship. Keep prioritising the things that make you feel good, relaxed, and centred. Exercise, take bubble baths, read books, get your nails done — whatever self-care looks like for you, keep doing it. A healthy relationship requires two whole individuals, not one sacrificing herself for the other.
7. Be his therapist
It’s great to support each other emotionally, but there’s a difference between being a good listener versus being his 24/7 unpaid therapist. Don’t carry the weight of all his issues, baggage, and emotional labour. He needs to take responsibility for his own mental health, childhood trauma, or other struggles. Be supportive within reason but maintain boundaries. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Encourage him to seek professional help if needed.
8. Abandon your standards
We all have certain standards and dealbreakers in relationships. Don’t lower yours for any man. If monogamy, respect, shared values, similar life goals or whatever else is important to you, stick to that. Don’t settle for less than you know you want and deserve. Compromising on fundamental standards will only make you settle for a relationship that doesn’t truly fulfil you. The right man for you will rise to meet your standards, not make you drop them.
9. Snoop through his phone
Source: Unsplash Wanting to snoop through your man’s phone, email, or social media is usually a sign something is already wrong in the relationship — either your own insecurities or shady behaviour on his part. If you feel the need to play private detective, have an honest conversation with him about your concerns. Communicate openly, ask questions, express your feelings. Establish trust and work on the root of the issue together. Violating privacy will only breed more mistrust.
10. Put up with disrespect
Disrespect should be a hard no in any relationship. Don’t tolerate a man who puts you down, talks over you, invalidates your feelings, dismisses your opinions, or treats you with contempt. You teach people how to treat you. Demand respect by first and foremost respecting yourself. If he’s routinely disrespectful and won’t change despite you addressing it, don’t stick around waiting for him to magically become a better man. Leave and find someone who will treat you right.
11. Control him
Being controlling, possessive or jealous will only push a good man away and enable a bad one. If you don’t trust him, either work on building trust together, or recognise he’s not the one for you. Don’t restrict who he sees, what he does, or how he spends his time. A healthy relationship requires space, freedom, and individuality. Trying to control your partner never ends well. Spend that energy focusing on being the best version of yourself instead.
12. Lose yourself
Maintain your unique identity, even as your relationship grows and deepens. Don’t become an extension of him or morph into a carbon copy of his interests. Keep your own hobbies, your own style, your own social life. In a healthy relationship, your individual selves complement each other, they don’t consume one another. A good partner will encourage you to keep growing into yourself, not shrink to fit his mould. A strong sense of self is key.
13. Ignore red flags
Never ignore those gut feelings that something is off, or explain away red flag behaviours because you want the relationship to work. Is he kind and consistent or charming, then cruel? Does his story add up, or are there holes you filled in? Don’t rationalise or minimise the red flags. Too often they foreshadow major problems to come. Trust your intuition and pay attention to warning signs. Facing the truth now will save you from deeper hurt later.
14. Stay if your needs aren’t met
Every person has core needs in a relationship, like affection, quality time, appreciation, emotional support. If you’ve communicated your needs clearly, and he still isn’t meeting them, don’t keep settling for a relationship that leaves you constantly wanting. Either he’s unable to meet your needs, unwilling to try, or you’re fundamentally incompatible. Staying will only breed resentment. Be willing to end a relationship that isn’t right so you’re open to find one that is.
15. Lose your independence
No matter how much you love a man, maintain your independence. Have your own life, interests, friends, job, hobbies, goals outside the relationship. Don’t depend on him for all your happiness, finances, or self-worth. Be your own person and build a life you love that isn’t reliant on his presence. A truly healthy relationship is two whole, independent people choosing to enrich each other’s lives, not two halves making one whole. Keep cultivating your beautiful, independent self.
