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Unsplash/Polina KuzokovaMovies, love songs, and social media paint a rosy picture of relationships, filled with grand gestures and effortless happily-ever-afters. But the reality of both starting and maintaining a healthy partnership is far more complex. Let’s debunk some common misconceptions that can lead to frustration, unrealistic expectations, and the tendency to overlook red flags in the name of finding “The One.”
1. If it’s meant to be, it will be easy.
Reality: All relationships take work. Even soulmates have disagreements, experience periods of disconnect, and have to actively choose each other over and over again. Idealizing the concept of “easy” sets couples up for disappointment when they inevitably face challenges, which is part of any human bond.
2. Jealousy is a sign of true love.
Reality: Moderate jealousy is natural, but excessive possessiveness, snooping through your partner’s phone, or controlling their behavior signals insecurity and lack of trust. A healthy relationship is built on a foundation of mutual trust and respect for each other’s individuality.
3. Your partner should complete you.
Reality: Expecting one person to fulfill all your emotional needs and be your sole source of happiness creates an unsustainable burden. A healthy relationship involves two whole, emotionally balanced individuals who bring out the best in each other, not two halves trying to force themselves into a whole.
4. True love means never having to apologize.
Reality: Everyone makes mistakes. The ability to offer a sincere apology, acknowledge your partner’s hurt feelings, and commit to doing better is a sign of emotional maturity and a cornerstone of strong relationships. Refusing to apologize breeds resentment and erodes trust over time.
5. Once you’re in love, the passion will last effortlessly.
Reality: The initial rush of infatuation fades in all long-term relationships. That doesn’t mean love is gone, it simply means you have to be intentional about keeping the spark alive. This involves making time for date nights, physical touch, trying new things together, and expressing your appreciation for one another to avoid complacency.
6. Fighting means the relationship is doomed.
Reality: Conflict is inevitable, but how you fight matters more than how often. Healthy couples tackle disagreements with respect, prioritize listening over being “right”, and focus on finding solutions that honor both partners’ needs. It’s the couples who refuse to address problems, engage in personal attacks, or stonewall each other who should be worried.
7. If you love someone, you can change them.
Reality: People only change if THEY want to. Entering a relationship hoping to turn someone into your ideal partner is a recipe for frustration and resentment. It’s more productive to accept someone for who they are at their core, flaws and all, and choose them based on that real version, not a potential future version.
8. Opposites attract – and that’s a good thing romantically.
Reality: Some variety keeps life interesting! Being opposites on superficial things (one likes hiking, the other likes museums) can be positive. However, having fundamentally different core values (financial goals, desire for children, religious beliefs) creates major friction long-term, no matter how physically attracted you are initially.
9. You need to agree on everything to be compatible.
Reality: A healthy relationship involves respecting your partner’s viewpoints even if you don’t see eye-to-eye. You can disagree on preferred pizza toppings, political leanings, or taste in movies and still have a loving relationship. It’s about finding respectful ways to navigate those differences, rather than needing to be carbon copies of each other.
10. Grand gestures equal love.
Reality: It’s easier to plan a surprise birthday bash than consistently show up for your partner day after day with emotional support. It’s the small, unglamorous acts – remembering to pick up their favorite snacks, leaving encouraging notes, being their rock during a stressful time – that truly demonstrate deep love.
11. Your past relationship baggage magically disappears when you find “the one”
Reality: Insecurities, triggers from past betrayals, and unhealthy patterns from childhood often get carried over into new relationships. Expecting your partner to magically heal those wounds is unfair. Self-awareness, willingness to work on yourself (therapy is awesome!) and open communication with your partner about your baggage are essential components of healthy love.
12. Once you find love, you’ll never feel lonely again.
Reality: Feeling lonely within a relationship is surprisingly common. If you aren’t connecting on a deep emotional level, lack shared interests, or struggle to communicate effectively, loneliness can persist even when you’re not physically alone. Openly addressing this with your partner is essential, as opposed to suffering in silence.
13. You should give up parts of yourself to make a relationship work.
Reality: Compromises are necessary, but sacrificing core aspects of your identity breeds unhappiness over time. It’s important to maintain your individual hobbies, friends, and sense of self within a partnership. A healthy relationship makes room for both partners to thrive independently, while also creating a strong, connected “we”.
14. Physical attraction is the most important thing.
Reality: While initial attraction is crucial to spark a connection, it’s not what sustains love long-term. Emotional compatibility, shared values, humor, kindness, and mutual respect are what form the foundation of a relationship that withstands the test of time, as looks inevitably fade for everyone.
15. Happy couples never doubt their relationship.
Reality: It’s normal to have moments of questioning, particularly during stressful periods or transitions. This doesn’t mean there’s something fundamentally wrong with the relationship. Happy, committed couples work through these doubts together with open communication, rather than hiding their fears and allowing them to fester.
16. If love fades, it wasn’t real to begin with.
Reality: Love evolves over time. The butterflies and obsessive can’t-eat-can’t-sleep infatuation fades naturally. This can be scary to navigate, but it’s replaced by a deeper, more stable love based on true intimacy and shared history. Putting in the work to rekindle passion and connection ensures those strong foundation don’t fade away entirely.
