Othello Syndrome, also known as delusional jealousy, is a rare and intense psychological condition.
It makes a person become consumed by the belief that their partner is cheating on them, even without any proof. For the person experiencing it, the fear and obsession feel completely real—and for the person on the other end, it can be confusing, exhausting, and deeply painful. However, what makes this even harder is how easy it is to say the wrong thing—something that might seem logical in the moment, but ends up pushing them further into fear. If you care about someone dealing with this, your words matter more than you might think. Here’s what to say—and what not to say—when supporting someone struggling with Othello Syndrome.
1. Say: “I see how real this feels for you.”
You’re not agreeing with the delusion by saying this. Instead, you’re acknowledging the emotional intensity behind it. Even if you know the accusations aren’t based on fact, dismissing them outright can trigger more panic and defensiveness. When someone is locked in this mental loop, what they feel becomes louder than what they know.
By acknowledging their experience, you’re not feeding the fear—you’re showing that you care about what’s going on underneath it. You’re saying, “I see that you’re scared, and I’m not just going to shame you for it.” That creates space for connection instead of conflict.
2. Don’t say: “You’re being ridiculous.”
This might feel like the obvious reaction when the accusation comes out of nowhere or makes no sense. But it rarely helps. Telling someone they’re being ridiculous doesn’t snap them back to logic. Unfortunately, it usually sends them deeper into defensiveness and isolation.
Othello Syndrome isn’t about reason, it’s about fear. When you call someone’s experience “ridiculous,” they may stop bringing their fears to you at all, and that only increases secrecy, shame, and emotional distance.
3. Say: “I want to understand what you’re feeling right now.”
This flips the focus from proving or disproving the accusation to uncovering what’s driving it. You’re not indulging the delusion, you’re leaning into the emotion beneath it, which is almost always fear, insecurity, or a deep need for safety. Asking to understand gives them space to share instead of defend. It brings things back to connection instead of turning it into another argument that no one wins.
4. Don’t say: “You’ve got to stop obsessing about this.”
They’re likely aware that their thoughts are exhausting and intrusive. The problem is, they can’t stop. Telling them to “just stop” minimises how overpowering the mental loop really is. It might even make them feel like a failure for not being able to control it. Rather than telling them to shut it down, it’s more helpful to acknowledge that they’re caught in something they didn’t ask for, and calmly encourage outside support that can actually help untangle it.
5. Say: “Let’s figure out how to handle this together.”
This shows you’re not viewing them as the problem, but rather you’re willing to face the problem alongside them. It communicates partnership rather than blame, which can help de-escalate the fear that they’re going to be abandoned or punished for struggling.
Even if you’re feeling overwhelmed, framing it as a shared challenge gives them more emotional safety than drawing a hard line. You’re not saying it’s okay forever; you’re saying you’re in this for now, and willing to work toward a better outcome together.
6. Don’t say: “You’re acting crazy.”
This kind of language hits hard, even if it slips out in frustration. It reinforces shame and confirms what the person is probably already terrified of—that something is deeply wrong with them and that they’re unloveable or broken. You’re allowed to feel overwhelmed, but attacking their mental state won’t make them get better. It may instead cause them to either shut down or lash out, both of which make the situation even harder to navigate.
7. Say: “What would help you feel more grounded right now?”
Instead of trying to logic them out of the fear, focus on bringing them back into the present. This helps move the conversation from accusations to self-regulation. It shows you care more about how they’re feeling than about winning the argument. It also gives them agency. In a moment when they feel out of control, asking them what might help brings them back into their own body, their own power. Even if they don’t know the answer, the question itself builds trust.
8. Don’t say: “I’m not repeating myself again.”
Yes, it’s exhausting to reassure someone over and over again. However, people with Othello Syndrome often need to hear the same things many times before they feel even a moment of relief. That doesn’t mean you have to become a broken record—but harsh cutoffs tend to inflame rather than calm.
If you need a break, try saying, “I care, and I want to keep talking about this when we’re both in a better space.” That sets a boundary without shutting down the relationship.
9. Say: “Would it help to talk to someone about this—maybe together?”
Suggesting therapy doesn’t have to be a threat or an accusation. Framing it as something you’re both open to can remove the stigma and make it feel more like a team effort. It also introduces the idea that this pattern isn’t permanent and that support exists outside of the relationship. You’re not saying they’re broken; you’re saying they deserve more help than either of you can give alone.
10. Don’t say: “If you loved me, you wouldn’t act like this.”
They probably already feel ashamed about how much their thoughts are hurting the relationship. Framing their struggle as a measure of love only piles on more guilt—and ironically, more obsession. You’re allowed to express hurt, but it’s more effective to name the impact rather than question their entire capacity to love. That keeps the conversation grounded instead of spiralling into blame.
11. Say: “This sounds really painful. I want to understand what it’s like for you.”
Validation doesn’t mean agreeing—it means you’re listening. It means you care about their experience, even when it’s hard to wrap your head around it. This response doesn’t feed the delusion. It breaks through the isolation. And that alone can lower the intensity of the fear, even a little.
12. Don’t say: “Are you paranoid or just insecure?”
That kind of comment doesn’t open up conversation—it shuts it down and adds shame on top of fear. Othello Syndrome doesn’t fall neatly into those categories, and framing it this way pushes the person into defensiveness. Instead of trying to label it, try asking a gentler question like, “What do you feel like you’re protecting yourself from?” That opens up room for emotional honesty.
13. Say: “You don’t have to handle this alone.”
This might seem simple, but it’s one of the most powerful things you can say. Delusional jealousy often creates a sense of isolation, like no one would understand or stick around. Reminding them that you’re still here, still willing to show up, can help ease the emotional panic that drives the obsession.
It also models the kind of trust and connection that the condition is working against. You’re not trying to fight the thoughts; you’re showing them that even through them, someone still cares.
14. Don’t say: “This isn’t sustainable.” (Unless you mean it as a starting point)
You may reach a breaking point. That’s fair. But saying “This isn’t sustainable” without offering a next step just sounds like a warning of collapse. If things are that serious, it’s better to express what needs to change and what kind of support you’re willing or able to offer. It’s okay to set limits, but it’s more helpful to frame it as, “We need help, or we won’t last,” than to simply declare the end.
15. Say: “We can’t control your thoughts, but we can work on what we do with them.”
This acknowledges the reality without feeding it. You’re not pretending you can stop the obsessive thinking, but you are flipping the focus to what is possible—how to respond with compassion, awareness, and support. That perspective gives both of you more choice in how you move forward. It’s empowering without being unrealistic.
16. Don’t say: “You’re going to push me away if you keep doing this.”
It might feel true in the moment, but it lands like a threat. And threats create more panic, not more change. It gives the message: you’re too broken to love. That kind of framing can cause them to spiral even further into fear, self-blame, or control.
If you’re reaching your limit, say so with care. “I’m really struggling, and I want us to get support” holds more weight than “You’re driving me away.” One keeps the door open. The other slams it shut.
