Some people have a way of talking that leaves you second-guessing everything, even when you were sure you had a valid point.
Toxic communicators don’t always yell or insult. Sometimes they just twist things, interrupt you, or speak in a way that chips away at your confidence. They don’t argue to understand—they argue to dominate, confuse, or deflect. If you constantly leave conversations feeling unsure of yourself, there’s a good chance you’re dealing with someone who uses these subtle tactics to mess with your head.
1. They twist your words mid-conversation.
You say one thing, they repeat it back as something completely different—usually something worse. Suddenly, you’re defending a version of your point you never even made. It’s disorienting, and it makes you question if you misspoke or were unclear. This is a classic tactic: make you look or feel unreasonable by misrepresenting your words. As time goes on, it eats away at your ability to feel confident in expressing yourself at all.
2. They interrupt before you can finish a thought.
You’re halfway through explaining something, and they jump in with assumptions or counterpoints. You never get to finish. Eventually, you stop trying. That’s the point—interrupting gives them control over the direction of the conversation. It’s not just rude—it’s a power move. It trains you to stay quiet, rush your points, or doubt your ability to communicate clearly.
3. They dismiss your feelings as “overreacting.”
When you express being upset or uncomfortable, they wave it off. “You’re being dramatic,” “You’re too sensitive,” or “It’s not a big deal.” It leaves you wondering if you’re just making things up in your head. However, emotional invalidation is a form of control. The more they make you question your reactions, the easier it is for them to dominate every emotional dynamic in the relationship.
4. They flood you with too much information.
In a disagreement, they’ll throw five different accusations, tangents, or complicated theories at you all at once. It’s overwhelming. You lose your train of thought, forget what the original point was, and end up flustered. This tactic, sometimes called “word salad,” works because confusion equals control. If you can’t focus on one issue, they stay in charge of the narrative.
5. They make everything your fault.
No matter what happens, somehow you’re always the one who “made them act that way.” They’ll twist the situation until you’re the problem, even when you brought up something calmly or respectfully. After enough of these conversations, you start wondering if maybe you really are difficult or too demanding. That’s how the self-doubt sets in.
6. They suddenly change the subject when you’re making sense.
Right when you’re about to make a clear point, they pivot. They bring up something unrelated, distract you with an old grievance, or suddenly act like they don’t understand what you’re talking about. This isn’t confusion, it’s strategy. Changing the subject takes the heat off them and puts you back on the defensive, scrambling to follow their logic.
7. They joke about serious issues just to shut you down.
If you bring up something that hurts or matters deeply to you, they might respond with sarcasm or a joke. It’s a fast way to make you feel silly for bringing it up in the first place. Humour has its place, but when it’s used to dodge accountability, it becomes toxic. It turns your concerns into punchlines and leaves you questioning whether you were being unreasonable to care at all.
8. They use phrases that subtly undermine you.
“You always think you’re right.” “You’re reading too much into it.” “Calm down.” These aren’t just annoying—they’re dismissive. They plant the idea that you’re irrational, controlling, or misinformed, even when you’re being measured. It’s a way of brushing off your input without having to actually address it. Once you internalise that narrative, they don’t have to work as hard to silence you next time.
9. They act offended when you set boundaries.
Instead of respecting your limits, they make a big deal out of how “hurt” or “disappointed” they are. It moves the spotlight onto their feelings and leaves you feeling like the bad guy for asking for basic respect. That emotional flip is designed to wear you down. If every boundary you set turns into a guilt trip, eventually you might stop setting them at all.
10. They bring up your past mistakes to derail you.
Even if you’re trying to discuss something completely unrelated, they’ll drag out something you did months or years ago. It takes the focus off their behaviour and puts you back in the hot seat. They don’t want resolution—they want to keep the power dynamic tilted in their favour. By keeping you on the defensive, they stay in control of the conversation.
11. They repeat themselves louder when they feel challenged.
If you disagree or try to clarify something, they don’t explain—they just say the same thing again, only louder. It’s less about being understood and more about asserting dominance through volume or force. This tactic leaves you feeling like there’s no point in trying to reason with them. When reason doesn’t work, you start questioning if you’re just not smart or confident enough to stand your ground.
12. They act confused when you’re clear.
When you explain your thoughts clearly and calmly, they respond with things like “I don’t get what you mean” or “That makes no sense.” It’s not genuine confusion—it’s a way to undermine your clarity. The goal is to rattle your confidence and make you feel like you’re failing to communicate, even when you know you’re making perfect sense.
13. They use silence as punishment.
Instead of talking through issues, they shut down completely and go cold. You’re left wondering what you did wrong or how to fix it. Silence becomes a weapon that puts all the pressure on you to chase resolution. It’s emotionally manipulative. It keeps you walking on eggshells, guessing their mood, and ultimately doubting whether your concerns were valid in the first place.
14. They act like you’re the only one who ever has a problem.
Source: Unsplash Every time you bring something up, they make it sound like you’re the negative one. They’ll say you’re too critical, too emotional, or always looking for something to complain about. In the long run, this narrative makes you start to wonder if maybe you are the issue—when really, you’re just the only one willing to speak up.
15. They leave you feeling confused more often than not.
After enough of these interactions, your biggest red flag might just be how confused you feel after talking to them. You might leave conversations unsure of what even happened, questioning what you said, or feeling mentally exhausted. This is the mark of toxic communication—it’s not just what they say, it’s how they make you feel. And when confusion becomes the norm, it’s worth asking why clarity always seems to disappear when they’re involved.
