It’s important for kids to be raised with boundaries and consequences for their actions, but it has to be done within reason.
If your parents punished you for every single mistake you made, no matter how small, when you were growing up, it likely did a number on your confidence and self-worth. Here are some bad habits you might have now that you’re an adult because of your mum and/or dad’s approach to missteps. You deserve better than having to live this way, so if you relate to some or most of these, it might be worth talking with a therapist or counsellor so you can start processing these behaviours and ultimately move past them.
1. You apologise for everything, even when it’s not your fault.
Source: Unsplash You bump into a chair and apologise. Someone else messes up a project, and you instinctively say, “Sorry about that!” This reflex likely started in childhood, when admitting fault—whether or not it was yours—helped avoid punishment or confrontation. Over time, it became second nature to keep the peace. Instead, try replacing “sorry” with a neutral phrase like, “Oh, my mistake,” or “Let’s fix this.” It’s a subtle way to acknowledge the moment without taking all the blame.
2. You overthink every decision.
From choosing what to order at a restaurant to bigger life choices, you weigh every possible outcome until it feels overwhelming. This habit can trace back to childhood environments where mistakes had heavy consequences, making decisions feel like risky territory. Overthinking is your brain’s way of avoiding failure. When stuck, remind yourself that most decisions are fixable. Choose one option and see it as an experiment rather than a permanent commitment.
3. You struggle to take compliments.
Source: Unsplash When someone compliments your work or appearance, you brush it off with, “Oh, it was nothing,” or, “I got lucky.” Growing up in a critical environment, praise may have felt rare or even insincere, leaving you unsure how to handle it. Now, downplaying compliments feels safer. Instead, practise saying a simple “thank you” and letting it sink in. You don’t need to justify the compliment—just receive it.
4. You avoid asking for help.
When faced with a challenge, you’d rather struggle in silence than admit you’re stuck. This usually has roots in a childhood where mistakes or needing help were seen as weaknesses rather than opportunities to learn. Asking for help might have led to criticism or frustration from other people. To shift this, remind yourself that asking for help is a sign of strength, not failure. Most people appreciate the chance to lend a hand.
5. You need a lot of reassurance.
You regularly ask questions like, “Are you sure this looks okay?” or, “Do you think I did it right?” Growing up, you may have faced harsh criticism for mistakes, so you now crave validation to avoid getting something “wrong.” This can lead to second-guessing yourself. Instead of looking for constant external reassurance, try affirming your own choices with statements like, “I think this works, and I’ll adjust if needed.”
6. You fear trying new things.
Source: Unsplash Opportunities that push you out of your comfort zone can feel terrifying because you worry about failing. If mistakes were treated as catastrophes during childhood, the thought of messing up now feels like a personal disaster. To combat this fear, remind yourself that trying something new is how you grow. Treat new experiences as experiments rather than tests of your worth.
7. You avoid confrontation.
You’d rather keep quiet than risk upsetting someone, even when you’re uncomfortable or disagree. As a child, expressing opposing views might have led to conflict or punishment, so staying silent became a way to stay safe. Now, it’s hard to speak up for yourself. Start small by practising phrases like, “I see it differently,” or, “Can we talk about this?” Building confidence in low-stakes situations makes it easier over time.
8. You replay mistakes over and over.
You can’t stop thinking about that one awkward comment or misstep, even days later. This is usually the result of childhood environments where mistakes were magnified, making it hard to let go of even minor slip-ups. Try interrupting these thought spirals by asking yourself, “What did I learn from this?” Reframing mistakes as growth opportunities helps you move forward instead of getting stuck.
9. You have a hard time relaxing.
Sitting still or doing something “unproductive” makes you feel uneasy. Growing up, you might have been told that idle time was wasted time or that your worth was tied to achievement. This can make relaxation feel like slacking off. Challenge this by scheduling guilt-free downtime and reminding yourself that rest is essential, not indulgent.
10. You get defensive easily.
Even constructive feedback feels like a personal attack, and you may react by shutting down or snapping back. If mistakes were met with harsh criticism in your childhood, feedback now triggers those same defensive instincts. To respond differently, take a deep breath and remind yourself that feedback isn’t about your worth—it’s about growth.
11. You feel responsible for everyone else’s happiness.
You go out of your way to avoid upsetting anyone, often putting their needs above your own. This probably comes from a childhood where keeping everyone else happy helped maintain peace or avoid conflict. While it’s kind to care about other people, remind yourself that their happiness isn’t entirely your responsibility. Setting boundaries can help you prioritise your well-being, too.
12. You strive for perfection.
You put immense pressure on yourself to get everything just right, fearing failure or criticism. As a child, perfectionism might have been a way to avoid punishment or gain approval. Now, it can leave you feeling burnt out and never satisfied. Instead, aim for “good enough” in areas where perfection isn’t necessary. Giving yourself permission to be human can be freeing.
13. You overcommit.
You say yes to everything, even when your plate is already full because you don’t want to disappoint anyone. Growing up, you might have felt the need to prove yourself by always being available or helpful. To break this habit, practise saying, “Let me think about it,” before committing. This gives you space to decide if you truly have the capacity.
14. You feel uncomfortable celebrating your wins.
When you achieve something, you downplay it or feel guilty talking about it. Childhood experiences of having accomplishments dismissed or overshadowed might have taught you that celebrating yourself isn’t acceptable. Start by sharing small wins with close friends or writing them down in a journal. Over time, acknowledging your successes becomes less awkward.
15. You struggle to forgive yourself.
Making a mistake feels like the end of the world, and you replay it in your mind for days or weeks. It’s only natural when you’ve grown up in an environment where mistakes weren’t treated as normal but as something shameful. Try treating yourself the way you would a friend—with compassion and understanding. Remind yourself, “I did the best I could with what I knew at the time.”
